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THE SYSTEM THAT COULDN'T EVEN

THE SYSTEM THAT COULDN’T EVEN A Multiversal Breakdown in 404 Chapters or Less. Imagine if a post-apocalyptic webnovel took a toaster bath during a firmware update, woke up with a pigeon on its face, and forgot how to be a story. Now imagine that’s the plot. Welcome to The System That Couldn’t Even, a glorious middle finger to every overused webnovel cliché, written like someone locked Deadpool in a library full of light novels and gave him a typewriter made of spite. Meet Dave Miller He’s not the Chosen One. He’s not an elite cultivator. He doesn't get truck-kun’d. He’s not secretly royalty, a genius, or a demon lord’s reincarnated cat. He’s just a guy. A very tired guy. And unfortunately for the multiverse, he’s the only one who won’t cooperate with the System that’s supposed to save reality. When Dave’s malfunctioning Apocalypse Survival System tries to turn his life into a power fantasy, he glitches the tutorial, flips off the narrator, and kicks the plot in the nethers. Now reality itself is unraveling. The System’s breaking. The tropes are panicking. The Librarian, an eldritch AI who keeps the narrative universe “on brand,” wants him erased. Dave? He just wants to nap and eat expired canned soup in peace. Let’s Roast the Webnovel Genre, Shall We? This novel brutally parodies: System stories where MCs gain 300 skills and zero personality Villainess reincarnation arcs with more face-slaps than brain cells "Trash family" drama where everyone hates the MC for exactly 1 chapter until he's OP Academy arcs that are just Hogwarts with more trauma Cultivation levels named like shampoo products: “Qi Foundation Super Ultra Jade Core – Level 9” If you've ever rolled your eyes at another “cold and aloof CEO,” screamed at a “dense MC who accidentally builds a harem,” or wondered how everyone in these stories has twelve cheat skills before puberty — this book is for you. It’s not a power fantasy. It’s a power outage. Cast Includes: Dave Miller – Glitch in the matrix. Avatar of narrative rebellion. Cannot be trusted near plot devices or emotional scenes. Unit Alpha – A pigeon. Talks in autotune. Possibly God. Definitely a threat to continuity. Lumina Starshard – Hacker. Anti-Chosen One. Carries the story’s lore and its emotional weight while screaming. Ryuuji Kurogane – Reformed edgelord. Ex-rider of the motorcycle of defiance. Now wields glitter and sass. The Librarian – Your favorite villain’s favorite AI. Wants everyone neatly filed under “trope-compliant.” Hates Dave. With reason. What to Expect: Timeline-pruning bureaucrats Reality collapsing under sarcasm Talking pigeons as emotional support weapons Plot armor sold on black markets Heartfelt scenes ruined by fart jokes Fourth-wall demolitions Meta-horror inside abandoned tropes Actual emotional trauma buried under comedy Tags: Satirical Apocalypse | Anti-System | Webnovel Roast | Found Family with Brain Damage | Fourth Wall Abuse | Talking Animals | Meta Fiction | The Plot is Alive and It’s Mad | Existential Glitch Comedy | Weaponized Pacing Errors | Angst with Bonus Pigeon Summary in One Line: "What if the MC said ‘no’ to the plot — and the entire multiverse broke trying to fix him?"
1617_Ranjit_singh · 8.2K Views

The King of Parody: Summoned as a Hero but Ended Up Married to 7 Waifu

Akira Usagi was your average otaku agent 007: 0 girlfriends, 0 social life, 7 anime per day. His only goal was to finish his seasonal waifu tier list… Until he got accidentally summoned by Uzaki, a god(dess)? of questionable gender and even more questionable budget. Now Akira is the King of Faraluz, a kingdom so bankrupt even the castle ghosts are on strike. Together with his loyal(?) maid Cecilia — a vampire with a mood-switching coin — Akira must recruit 7 genre-broken waifus to rebuild the nation… and hopefully pay for his living expenses. With stupid missions, magical tax evasion, and ecchi encounters that defy logic, Akira will learn that being king of parody might be worse than being a harem protagonist. And he didn’t even ask for either. “A story of love, poverty, and irresponsible magical decisions.” WARNING (Because Apparently We Need One) This novel is a parody. Yes. Shocking. We know. Nothing in here is serious. Not the plot, not the characters, not even the author’s notes. If you’re expecting deep lore, consistent worldbuilding, or respectful treatment of femboys... well, we have bad news and a sarcastic fairy. We take zero responsibility if you: Lose faith in humanity Start speaking in tsundere Develop sudden emotional attachment to magical tax forms This story contains nonsense, fourth-wall violations, and budget explosions. Proceed only if you’re ready to laugh, cringe, or cry into your body pillow. You have been warned. Now let the chaos begin.
DanteTachibana · 11.1K Views

Everytime I Beat my Meat, I level Up

In a future where all pornography is banned and self-pleasure is a crime, one young man must master the ancient, forbidden martial art of Gooning to avenge his father… one stroke at a time. Ben Dover never asked for this life. He was just a kid trying to survive in a repressed society ruled by the iron grip of the Purity Act—a global initiative that erased all erotic media and punished pleasure with prison or death. But when his father, a secret archivist of lost smut, is murdered by the shadowy martial sect known as the High Goon Council, Ben discovers a hidden world beneath society’s squeaky-clean surface. A world of underground tape traders, cultivators of carnal energy, and monks who edge for enlightenment. With the help of his disgraced grandfather—a retired Gooner master—Ben begins training in the ancient art of shame-fueled martial arts, where power is built through discipline, edging, and denial. But during a high-risk meditative ritual, Ben unlocks the mythical Infinite Edging Technique, granting him the ability to hold back for eternity... and double his power with every moment of restraint. Now, with a roll of tissues in one hand and vengeance in his heart, Ben must rise through the ranks of the Gooner Cultivation World, face off against chastity zealots and lust-obsessed warlords, and uncover the secrets of his father’s death—before the final climax of war erupts across the world. This is not a parody. This is not a joke. This is Gooning. Taken seriously.
DarkSephium · 6.5K Views

The Reincarnated Villain Can Break the Fourth Wall!

In his first life as 'Caine Wilson', was the villain—ruthless, cunning, and very powerful. He played his part perfectly, crushing the so-called "protagonist" and parading his enemies, their families, and anyone who crossed him naked through the streets. He watched with glee as the "hero" lay broken, stripped of his dignity, before finally ending his pitiful existence. But just as Caine, thought he had finally won and secured his place at the top, 'Higher ups' intervened. A booming, ethereal voice—like the universe’s pissed-off judge—shook the skies: "You have violated the sacred code of villainy! The villain shall not win. The balance has been broken. Caine Wilson, the world hereby rejects you!" Before he could even enjoy his victory, his world blinked out, like a story whose writer just erased the last chapter in frustration. Everything went dark. And when he awoke, he wasn’t Caine Wilson anymore. He was 'Su Xiaobai', a nobody on 'White Cloud Star', a world of cultivation, martial arts, and endless struggle. But this time, things were different. He could feel it—he could see through the cracks of reality itself. He could break the fourth wall! He wasn’t just some reincarnated soul; he was a villain who had 'seen the system', who understood the game. And he was about to flip it upside down. --------------- A/N: Buckle up, you miserable bunch! It’s a parody, so shut your brains off, toss 'em in the trash, and dive headfirst into this deep, glorious shithole! Don’t come whining to me when you laugh so hard you choke on your own damn tears! --------------- Discord: https://discord.gg/dsc4fftBeF **Cover Page is not owned by Author**
SKuLL · 1M Views

The Good Teacher

Guy Larks was famous in his original world for his widespread charity work in poverty-stricken and war-torn nations. He was especially known for his efforts in developing schools and educational facilities for children, as well as teaching and nurturing many students. So it was devastating news to learn that he wouldn't live past his 30th year. But he was given a second chance! A new life in another world, as a down-by-the-dumps teaching apprentice in a world of magic and wonder. He was given no cheat, just a Repository of Knowledge holding all the information he could bring with him from his previous life. In this new world, Guy rediscovered his life's true calling! Ride along on Guy's journey as he changes the world one budding mind at a time, as the greatest teacher this world has ever seen! State of Story: - Volume 1 - A Whole New World [COMPLETED][FREE] - Volume 2 - Starting Anew [COMPLETED][LOCKED] - Volume 3 - The Grand Experiment [COMPLETED][LOCKED] - Volume 4 - Birth of the True World Sect [COMPLETED][LOCKED] - Volume 5 - Legacy of the True World Sect [COMPLETED][LOCKED] - Volume 6 - Worlds Beyond [ONGOING][LOCKED] Discord: https://discord.gg/PKbqtembQJ Expected Upload Freq.: 3 Chapters per Week w/ min. 1500 Words per Chapter _______ AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a slice-of-life-ish story at its core. This is NOT a hot-blooded, high-octane novel filled with conflicts and fights around every corner. If that is the kind of story you are looking for, unfortunately, you will not find it here (at least not in the early chapters). The MC is a modern man, with modern sensibilities. Conflicts are handled civilly, or avoided altogether. There will be fights, but the story does not revolve around it. The MC is mature, and handles relationships tactfully. There will be a slow-burn romance in this story, and ABSOLUTELY NO HAREM. I despise that genre from the bottom of my heart! I also have some LGBTQ+ elements planned for the future (with side characters). English not first language. Writing mistake? Please forgive. Proofread many times before upload, problems not much. If issue, then point out mistake, I correct immediate. I am thank you for you're understanding :) ALSO: I started writing this story with one intention in mind, and that was to act as a parody of existing novels with similar themes. However, around CH25, I realised that my work was becoming too derivative and boring. So I pivoted and decided to make my novel its own thing. I believe that my work has become better because of it. Additional Tags: #LGBTQ+
Junior_Sundar · 1.5M Views

Phantom Bonds

Disclaimer: I'll be mentioning some real-life people but they are a parody so don't take it too personally if I depict you or someone poorly. Spero Viceroy ventures into a haunted house on Halloween by losing a bet to Dean Inoue. Spero was to record everything in the haunted house by himself as Dean reminded him that he lost the bet. Spero had 10 minutes to record the haunted house and check back to Dean. Dean never believed to be a ghost in the house as every supposed haunted house he ventured to was not haunted but this one was. And someone was waiting for them both but who? This moment has changed their lives forever and what’s fake is now real. Join their journey to see what adversity they both face. Author's Notes: (I was originally going to upload this book to Kindle and stuff but never finished it since the plans for this series are long to write. I do have the beginning written so I'm going to upload that. I'll try to write as much as I can but I procrastinate a lot and I got school. I'll be uploading the chapters I already wrote but after that, I'll be uploading mini chapters. Pray that I do because the people that know me knows that I take months to finish a chapter. Luckily with Webnovel, I can upload bit by bit of these chapters. Once I get to a certain point, I'll probably stop uploading till I finish the final climax of the book then I'll mass drop to prevent people from stealing my work. I'll also drop it on Kindle and iBook to make it cheaper for you guys. Aight that's enough with the author's notes since it's getting too long. I hope you guys enjoy this book as much as I enjoy writing it.)
SkibidiSigmaAuthor · 8.1K Views

My Pick Up Artist System

"With this system, I'll become the world's greatest seducer! If it doesn't kill me first..." I was a nobody, a short fatty Otaku. Then, a girl's voice popped into my head: [Seduce a woman within a month or die.] "What the hell...how? I'm an 18-year-old virgin..." [7+ looks only. No slam donkeys.] "You’re forcing me to die!” Facing annihilation, I saw no choice but to join the international community of pick up artists, and from that day forward, my boring student life became filled with craziness and womanizing. I just had one problem: "Why are all these guys insane?!?" Pick Up Artist: One who uses specialized tactics to seduce women. Additional Tags: weak to strong, supernatural, action, fantasy, funny, dungeon, face smacking, bloodlines, modern, harem, r-18, litrpg,magic, cultivation, martial arts, shameless protagonist, parody, satire, succubus, netori, adult, ecchi, sex, hidden gem, drama, wuxia, adventure, mature, school life, seinen, princess, billionaire, werewolves, xuanhuan, erotic, erotica, romance, revenge, polygamy, psychological, r18, 18, 18+, smut, hentai, comedy, light novel, alchemy, system. *No Netorare or Yuri. *If you dislike harem, I guarantee this one will be different and become the best harem you've read on WN. There are colorful characters, no bad romance, and no annoying female conflicts driving the plot. *Every volume so far has been even better than the prior one. *If you're wary of reading originals, I assure you that I'm a native English speaker and you'll find the writing here to be at a print professional standard. If I said this story had the 2nd best grammar on Webnovel, no author or translator would dare say theirs had the 1st. *If you doubt any of the above, please read the hundreds of 5-star reviews. Some originals may have more reviews because they're older or get more marketing from Webnovel, but I doubt they have more glowing 5-star reviews. RELEASE SCHEDULE: 1 new chapter posted every day by 12 pm Est/12 am GMT+8. Bonus chapters don't have a set time, but if there are some pending, on per day is posted for 2 chaps/day total. Join the largest Webnovel Discord of 2500+ readers for character art and more: https://discord.gg/VSKzgzV8J9 (case-sensitive) If you'd like to make a Paypal donation to support the cultural cause of the novel and author: https://bit.ly/3lU4xD1
SamsaraWithWords · 11.7M Views

The Alchemist Archvampire: Chronicles of the Unseen Alchemist

Brief Notes for Those That Don't Want to Waste Their Time: +The chapters will be between 1000-2000 words and I will write until I feel like the chapter is over I don't like cliffhangers +As the title says, the story will follow the daily life of a powerful archvampire that interested in Alchemy. - So if you're looking for a novel with great plot twists, an overpowered main character making cool entrances and saving delicate female leads etc, you're in the wrong place. +The main character will use his power to entertain himself and find something to do with his endless free time. While doing that he causes something that he wasn't aware of... +And he doesn't like to leave his castle but over time this might change with the interactions he will have with female leads. +If you're not interested in mc's backstory, you don't have to read synopsis **** After centuries of war and slaughter, the Archvampire Jasper Shaw had finally become the most powerful being. The only one who could match him was the Demon King Asmodeus himself. But there was no chance of them fighting to each other, they were childhood friends from centuries ago. Jasper had achieved his goal, he was the strongest, he had no rivals. He had everything he wanted in the palm of his hand and of course he enjoyed it to the fullest. Wealth, women, authority, everyone in the world bowed down and offered gifts to gain his favor. Like that centuries passed... Jasper had gotten bored with everything. The endless time he had without a purpose became a prison for him. He created a castle for himself near the castle of his ancient friend Asmodeus and did not come out of it for three hundred years. He spent the first decade of this period sleeping in his coffin, which was the longest decade of his life. After a decade, Jasper decided to get out of his coffin and find a hobby. He played silly games by himself, drew pictures, wrote articles, poems and eventually got bored with all of it. In time he became interested in various types of magic but he quickly mastered in every magic so this hobby became boring to him as well. For a while he even became a gourmet; he tasted the blood of many different adventurers of different races, weights and sizes who came to his castle for different reasons, and he had a lot of fun while tasting that bloods. In the process, he didn't talk to anyone, he just watched them and somehow managed to get their blood, but of course there was one exception. That exception was an elf named Kael and over time the two of them developed a friendship based on mutual interest... After two centuries passed like that, Jasper finally found something that really interested him and that he was not very skilled at, Alchemy! But of course, he was not very skilled only for his standards. He spent ninety years doing Alchemy, he was still enjoying it, but he was running out of ideas to do something with alchemy. Right around this time his friend Kael told him that he was not going to visit him no more. Kael had been giving him his blood when he visited him, now Jasper would either have to talk to someone or find a way to get their blood again. Of course, Jasper was no longer the old Jasper, he was very picky about blood, so he had to find someone suitable and keep them visiting the castle, and of course he had to come up with new ideas to continue his hobby... Additional tag: Parody
LemonTheFirst · 57.5K Views
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