Duvar Zeynep Casalini

TANITIM Aşk? Aşk mı? Evet sana aşıktım belki de hala öyleyim ama içimde senin aşkından daha büyük bir şey var. Daha güçlü bir şey. Beni her gün daha fazla tüketen bir şey. Nefret gibi ama değil daha büyük daha şiddetli bir şey. Nefretle aşk arasında çok ince bir çizgi vardı ve sen hep o çizginin üzerinde dolaştın. Belki de defalarca sınırı geçtin ama ben görmemeyi seçtim. Sonra bir gün bende bu oyundan sıkıldım. Çizginin üzerinde dolanmandan da buna gözlerimi kapatmaktan da sıkıldım. Sorunumuz sana aşık olmam değil o kısmı geçeli o kadar çok oluyor ki. Sorunumuz senin beni dönüştürdüğün şey, çünkü aşkım(!) Ben ilk tanıştığımızda bir çiçektim beni öpebilirdin koklayabilirdin sevebilirdin ama sen benim yapraklarımı koparmayı seçtin. Benimle beni parçalayarak oynadın. Sonra ben bir ateş oldum. Artık beni öpemezdin koklayamazdın sevemezdin. Seni yakardım. Bu bana yaklaşma demekti. Bu ben sessizce zarar vermeden yanıyorum demekti ama sen, sen beni yok etmek istedin. Sen yanmama bile izin vermedin. Yarattığın acıya bile saygın yoktu. Şimdi ben git gide büyüyen bir alev topuyum. Durmayacağım. Ta ki seni yakalayana kadar. Seni yakaladığımda etinin kemiğinden ayrıldığını hissedeceksin canın öyle yanacak ki yok olmak isteyeceksin ama ben buna izin vermeyeceğim. Seni yakıyor olmamın her anını zevkle izleyeceğim. Çünkü sevgilim, sen aşkın değerini bilemedin. Ama acının yaşattığı hissi hiç unutamayacaksın. Acı, seni bana tutsak edecek. Acı olduğu sürece hep benimle kalacaksın.

"So you don't want me to see you only as money?" I said, walking around the table. He looked up from where he was sitting, facing me. I married this man for his money, but I have to admit that he was extremely handsome. You know those people who become giants wherever they go, you notice them immediately because everyone else is so small next to them. My husband was just like that. Isn't that why I married him in the first place? Because he was big enough for me to hide under his wings. But still... When I looked down on him like that, I felt so powerful, like I'd made a lion kneel before me. From where he was sitting, he was looking at me with such confidence that it made me want to challenge him. "So my beloved husband wants more now?" I said, continuing to approach. When I stopped in front of him, I grabbed his shoulders, made him lean back in the chair and sat on his lap. I was so slow that my husband, realizing that this was a challenge, never broke my game. Because I knew this was his favorite part of me. A man that everyone was afraid to talk to, let alone challenge, was being challenged at every turn by a woman half his size. Shouldn't that be funny to him? Because I thought it was very funny, but somehow I'm sure it was very hot for my husband. After I settled on his lap, I put my arms around his neck and "Then give me more." I said. He frowned at what I said. I knew he wouldn't like it because he was used to everyone giving him everything he wanted. No strings attached. Now I was asking him for something to get what he wanted and I must say I was used to getting everything I wanted. A wry smile appeared on his face. His hands were already wrapped around my hips as he said, "Would more bags, dresses or cars do the trick, wife?" Now he was challenging me. I shouldn't have fallen for it because it was his weapon. He was cheating by messing with my mind. I mean, I sat on his lap, but mine didn't count. I was allowed to cheat a little bit to beat him. Because I told you, anyone would feel small next to my husband and I needed to see desire in his eyes for a little confidence. So I rubbed against him a little and put one of my hands down on his chest. Instantly his gaze darkened and I continued my game. "See? How can I see a man who is always trying to give me more bags or more money as more than that?" I wasn't sure if he was listening to me because he was looking directly at my lips with his darkened gaze and his hands were caressing my thighs and he looked like he could attack me at any moment, but I knew he wasn't going to interrupt my show and he was going to savor every moment. Is it weird to compare my husband to a wild animal lurking around right now? It was hard enough to pay attention with his hands caressing my thighs, and if he kept looking at me like that for a while longer, I was definitely going to attack him. So I moved the hand that had been on his chest back up to his neck and got close to his ear. As I got closer, his hands gripped my thighs tighter. I may have rubbed a little bit, but I told you, I had the right to cheat. I wonder if he thought I looked like a lurking animal. "If you want me to see you as something more, husband, stop buying me expensive bags or cars every chance you get. I'm here and if you want it that bad, man up and come and get it." I said and placed a kiss between her neck and ear. I was extremely sexy right now and judging by the hands up my skirt I was on the right track but I needed one last stroke. I was going to say the same thing he'd said to me a couple of days ago and get my revenge for that day, and then I could enjoy myself for a while, because with hands on my bare buttocks and legs, my mind was starting to wander too. And this giant of a man wasn't the only one affected by these little tricks. After the kiss, I pulled back, looked into his blackened eyes, gave him the last stroke and finished my show. "If you've got the balls!"

TANITIM Farkındalık var oluşun başından beri çok az kişiye huzuru getirmiştir. Farkındalığı yaşadığın ilk anda saf bir korku da onunla beraber gelir. O korku bir eşikten geçmek demektir. Korkuyu hissettiğin ilk an sonsuza dek süreceğini düşünürsün bir saniye öncesinde hayatının anlamsız olduğuna inanırken korku o anlamsızlığı özletir. Anlamsız hayatını geri istersin. Çünkü hayatının bir anlamı olması demek bir hedef yaratır ve o hedefe giden uzun dar korkunç bir yol... Kimse o yolda yürümek istemez, yani yolu gördükten sonra istemez. Var olduğum ilk andan beri içimde koca bir boşluk taşıyordum. Bir şeylerin ters gittiğini her zaman biliyordum. Her şey olması gerektiği gibiydi ama beni rahatsız eden bir boşluk vardı. Görmezden geldiğim bir boşluk. O boşluğu o kadar görmezden geldim ki var olduğunu bile unuttum. Diğerleri gibi olmama düşüncesiyle baş edemedim içimdeki utanç ve korkuyla başa çıkamadım. Hiçbir şeyin eskisi gibi olmaması düşüncesi içimdeki boşluğa sırt çevirmeme sebep oldu. Sırtımı çevirdim kulaklarımı ve gözleri kapattım. Bana yazılan rolü oynadım üstelik hiç fakında olmadan. Ta ki o güne kadar... Artık o rolü oynayamazdım. Yolu görüyorum, korkuyorum. Hissettiğim ilk şeyin bu olması çok acayip olsa da korkudan daha gerçek ne var ki? şimdi çılgınca bir şey yapma zamanı. O eşikten geçme zamanı. Özgür kalma ve tüm köleleri özgür bırakma zamanı. "Sadece Tanrıyı öldürenler özgürdür. Çünkü özgürlük ancak Tanrıyı öldürünce gelir."

The fight to maintain power makes the two rulers of the two countries willing to kill everyone who gets in their way. Calorin Seckam is a 21 year old girl, the only daughter of the strongest mafia in Italy. Not many people know this because she is a girl who is vulnerable to attack. However, fed up with his father's cruelty, he fled to Turkey where his grandmother was. He changed his name to Zeynep, then lived a normal life. Two years later, there was a brutal shooting in the area where he and his grandmother lived. The grandmother was shot right in front of her own eyes. The shooter was the strongest Mafia in Turkey and his group, they are no different from what his father did. Calorin is determined to only use the name Zeynep to take revenge on the mafia who killed his grandmother. Who would have thought, the Mafia with the surname DEMIR was his father's greatest enemy. But it was too late to realize, Zeynep has now joined the Demir family to take revenge by approaching his only son, Yusuf Demir. The DEMIR family's fierce battle with the SECKAM family continues, until their family in Italy finds out that Zeynep is Calorin. Yusuf, who initially had multiple partners, was finally melted down by Zeynep. But not only Yusuf, Zeynep himself fell in love with him. His growing feelings for Yusuf, made it difficult for him to take up a gun to shoot. Until finally Yusuf finds out that Zeynep is Calorin!

Pertarungan untuk mempertahankan kekuasaan membuat kedua penguasa kedua negara itu rela membunuh siapa saja yang menghalangi jalannya. Calorin Seckam adalah seorang gadis berusia 21 tahun, satu-satunya putri mafia terkuat di Italia. Tidak banyak orang yang mengetahui hal ini karena dia adalah gadis yang rentan diserang. Namun, muak dengan kekejaman ayahnya, ia melarikan diri ke Turki di mana neneknya berada. Dia mengubah namanya menjadi Zeynep, lalu menjalani kehidupan normal. Dua tahun kemudian, terjadi penembakan brutal di daerah tempat dia dan neneknya tinggal. Nenek itu ditembak tepat di depan matanya sendiri. Penembaknya adalah Mafia terkuat di Turki dan kelompoknya, mereka tidak berbeda dengan apa yang dilakukan ayahnya. Calorin bertekad hanya menggunakan nama Zeynep untuk membalas dendam pada mafia yang membunuh neneknya. Siapa sangka, Mafia bermarga DEMIR adalah musuh terbesar ayahnya. Namun terlambat disadari, Zeynep kini telah bergabung dengan keluarga Demir untuk membalas dendam dengan mendekati putra tunggalnya, Yusuf Demir. Pertarungan sengit keluarga DEMIR dengan keluarga SECKAM berlanjut, hingga keluarga mereka di Italia mengetahui bahwa Zeynep adalah Calorin. Yusuf yang awalnya memiliki banyak pasangan, akhirnya dilebur oleh Zeynep. Namun tidak hanya Yusuf, Zeynep sendiri pun jatuh hati padanya. Perasaannya yang tumbuh terhadap Yusuf, membuatnya sulit untuk mengambil pistol untuk menembak. Hingga akhirnya Yusuf mengetahui bahwa Zeynep adalah Calorin! Ikuti kelanjutannya!

Terlahir dari keluarga mafia membuat dua manusia yang diliputi kekayaan ini merasa tak bahagia. Ingin menguasai seluruh kerajaan bisnis membuat dua sekutu Mafia dari dua negara bermusuhan. Sehingga para keturunan Mafia tidak bisa hidup tenang karena bisa mati kapan saja. Di sela berlimpah nya harta dan tercukupi segala kebutuhannya membuat mereka merasa tak beruntung. Calorin harus mengganti namanya menjadi Zeynep demi keluar dari lingkaran kehidupan sang Ayah yang adalah seorang Mafia di Italia. Kematian ibunya membuat ia kabur dari sana. Sementara Yusuf adalah lelaki yang lahir dari keluarga Mafia Turki. Ia tidak pernah menemukan jati dirinya karena hanya terus melakukan sesuai perintah sang Ayah yang berkuasa itu. Sebuah kejadian mengharuskan ia menikahi Zeynep. Tanpa tahu identitas asli gadis itu. Sementara Zeynep menyimpan dendam pada keluarga Yusuf, dan juga mencari pembunuh ibunya di keluarga itu. Namun keduanya terlibat perasaan karena seringnya bersama. Keluarga Zeynep di Italia mengetahui gadis itu adalah Calorin. Apa yang akan terjadi pada mereka?

Love? Love? Yes, I was in love with you, and maybe I still am, but there's something inside of me that's bigger than your love. Something stronger.Something that consumes me more and more every day. It's like hate, but it's not, it's bigger, it's more violent.There was a very fine line between hate and love, and you always walked over it. Maybe you've crossed the border many times, but I chose not to see it.Then one day I got tired of this game. I'm tired of you walking over the line and closing my eyes to it. Our problem is not that I fell in love with you, it's that it's been so long since I've been there. Our problem is what you turned me into.because my love(!) When I first met you, I was a flower, you could kiss me, smell me, love me, but you chose to rip my leaves off.You played me to pieces. Then I became a fire. You couldn't kiss me anymore, you couldn't smell me, you couldn't love me. I'd burn you. That meant don't come near me.That meant I was burning quietly without hurting, but you, you wanted to destroy me. You didn't even let me burn. You didn't even have respect for the pain you caused.Now I'm a growing fireball. I'm not going to stop. Until I caught you.When I catch you, you're going to feel your flesh come out of your bone, it's going to hurt so much, you're going to want to disappear, but I'm not going to let that happen.I'm going to enjoy every moment of burning you. Because, darling, you didn't appreciate love. But you'll never forget the feeling of pain.The pain will enslad you to me. As long as there's pain, you'll always stay with me.

PROMOTION Awareness has brought peace to very few people from the very beginning of existence. In the first moment of awareness, a pure fear comes with it. That fear means crossing a threshold. The first moment you feel fear, you think it will last forever, a second ago you believed that your life was meaningless, while fear makes you miss that meaninglessness. You want your meaningless life back. Because having meaning in your life creates a goal, and it's a long narrow scary road to that goal... Nobody wants to walk on that road, that is, after seeing the road, they don't. From the first moment of my existence, I had a huge void inside me. I always knew something was wrong. Everything was as it should be, but there was a gap that bothered me. It's a void that I ignore. I ignored that void so much that I forgot it even existed. I couldn't deal with the thought of not being like the others. I couldn't deal with the shame and fear inside me. The thought that nothing would ever be the same made me turn my back on the emptiness inside me. I turned my back and closed my ears and eyes. I played the role that was written for me, without even realizing it. Until that day... I couldn't play that role anymore. I see the road, I'm afraid. It's weird that it's the first thing I feel, but what's more real than fear? now it's time to do something crazy. It's time to cross that threshold. It's time to be free and set all slaves free. "Only those who kill God are free. Because freedom comes only when you kill God."