Porn Noodle

Vaela never asked to be cursed by a succubus. One minute she’s broke, living on stale noodles and dreams, and the next she’s got a killer body, infinite wealth, and an ancient curse that demands one thing: seduce or suffer. Thanks, Lilith. Now bound to a curse that grows hungrier by the day, Vaela must win hearts, not just for pleasure, but for survival. But seducing isn’t as simple as batting lashes and showing a little skin (though that definitely helps). Her targets? The most powerful men—and women—on the planet. And with every conquest, her powers grow... and so does her ambition. But the game changes when she sets her sights on Virgil DuCroix, the world’s most influential billionaire. Charming, dangerous, and unfortunately under the thumb of Bilial, the literal demon of greed. Vaela soon realizes that the curse isn’t just a burden... it’s the only weapon strong enough to challenge a corrupt empire bent on devouring the world. Joined by a ragtag crew of gorgeous misfits, including a seductive demoness Lilith, a shy tech genius, a vampire business-mogul and a prince with a pretty face and a few secrets—Vaela launches Venevra, a seductive, revolutionary company aimed at rewriting the rules of power, pleasure, and profit. Corporate sabotage has never looked so good. Lingerie runways, weaponized kisses, steamy boardroom deals, magical fashion shows, and a whole lot of half-naked chaos ensue as Vaela seduces her way through the halls of power—not to destroy the world, but to save it. Sassy, sexy, and wildly addictive, this is a story of sin, sass, seduction... and saving the world in six-inch heels. ---- Like it? Show your support!!! For every... 50 comments, 50 power stone or 5 golden tickets... I'll post an extra chapter that week. 1 Castle will get you 5 extra chapters. 1 Spaceship, and I'll create a personalized chapter just for you!

"I ACCIDENTALLY BROKE REALITY—NOW THE MULTIVERSE WANTS ME DEAD (OR DATED?)" I was just a depressed, noodle-slurping teen** with too many thoughts and zero social skills—until I sneezed mid-teleport and broke spacetime. Now I’m stuck in Blackridge Academy, where: > Everyone thinks I’m a genius (I’m not). > Gods marked me "Cute but Dangerous" (accurate). > My best friend came back as a girl… and *no one remembers him* ever being a guy. > A sentient Book invades my dreams… with creepy poetry. > Oh, and I might’ve created something that shouldn’t exist. (Oops.) The catch? I don’t remember what I did. Now reality cops, memory assassins, and thirsty classmates are after me. The teachers keep vanishing. The halls are full of *things* that shouldn’t move. And my love life? A glitchy mess of "Wait, since when were you hot?!" Worst of all? The deeper I dig, the clearer it gets: I didn’t just break the system… I’m the glitch. "Can a noodle-obsessed disaster outrun fate? Spoiler: Probably not. Chapter 1—> NOW."

Drifting across the abyss was the soul of a celestial. Immensely loved by the universe yet bound by the chains of nihility, he was never able to leave his ruling realm due to constraints. Time passed, moments became days, days became years and years became eons. Did he even exist? He didn’t know the answer to that. Suddenly a bright light apeared in the abysmal darkness, he was overjoyed thinking that he might not have been alone. To his dismay, it was not another residue soul but instead a single page with letters incomprehensible. Upon reading the page, great pain struck his astral self shattering it and merging with the page. The pain was so great that he lost consciousness. On waking up, he noticed he was no longer in the void. ~ In his first life he was the King of Fairies, in his second life he was a normal human in a parallel world. His arrogance and narcissism had toned down quite a bit due to becoming a powerless being. Still he didn’t give up hope! He was finally able to become a world renowned pianist. And a secret doctor in the underword, using his expert acupuncture techniques. Many thought that he was a chunnibyo because of how he talked, he ignored them all. Many women threw themselves at him, but he rejected them all. Even though he had become human he refused to even look at a human girl. Ugly! That’s how they looked to him. Him, who had seen world shaking beauties couldn’t even bare to look at human women. Hence many people thought he was gay and sent gay people to him to curry favor with. Result? He killed the bastards! In the end, his second life was like a joke. Choking on cup noodles his life came at an abrupt end. But the end is a start of another beginning. And this beginning would be the best one ever. … One thing is certain, beauties from all the realms, be it the Celestial or the Godly! All would fall in love with him!

Finn, your average college student with one noble goal: get home and watch some quality adult content in peace. Tragically, fate had other plans. A truck barreled toward him… then stopped halfway. The driver locked eyes with Finn— and hit him anyway. Now he’s dead. Wakes up in some divine waiting room. Gets mocked by a sarcastic, busty goddess. Gets offered the most useless powers imaginable. And worst of all? Still no porn. Frustrated beyond mortal comprehension, Finn throws an epic tantrum and drags the goddess down into the fantasy world with him. Now stuck in a realm full of grotesque monsters, cursed towns, and suspiciously moist terrain, Finn has no idea what he’s doing. No clue. No dignity. Suffering most of the time. With zero powers, infinite horniness, and one very angry divine companion, can Finn survive this absurd new world? Can he dodge death, outwit demonic squirrels, and maybe—just maybe—score a waifu? Or will he die in this world too… still painfully uncuddled? Let the absurd isekai disaster begin. [WARNING: THIS BOOK IS UNHINGED. DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO ANYTHING—IT’S ALL FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.]

> What if you could farm stats, build muscle, earn money—and never lift a finger? Kim Do-hyun is a broke, chubby college gamer who awakens a skill so lame it’s practically a meme: Cloning (Lv. 1). But this "trash skill" turns out to be the biggest cheat in the awakened world—because when his clone trains, grinds, and suffers… Do-hyun gets stronger without doing anything. One body lives in bed. The other body becomes a legend. In a world ruled by stats, mana, and dungeons… Do-hyun is about to break the system from the shadows. --- Synopsis > In a world where 80% of humanity has awakened supernatural talents, life is a brutal competition. College loser Kim Do-hyun is barely surviving on game bots, instant noodles, and debt. That is, until a government-mandated awakening throws him into the spotlight… only to declare his power total trash. Cloning? Level one? Cooldown? One body? What a joke. But this clone is real. It sweats. It works. It eats. And when it trains… Do-hyun's stats increase. Now, while the clone grinds 24/7—running, working, even getting beat up—Do-hyun chills in bed, reaping the rewards. His strength rises. His body transforms. His life begins to change. But power attracts attention. And when an S-Rank hunter known only as The Jumper starts watching, Do-hyun realizes something terrifying: He might not be the only one cheating the system.

Diving into dungeons, slaying monsters, and… filming porn? When the mana apocalypse struck, 15% of humanity awakened supernatural abilities, becoming the world’s new superstars: conquering dungeons, leveling up, and raking in fame and fortune. Kaiden wasn’t one of them. Stuck among the powerless 85%, he was just another broke college student, until a banana peel sent him tumbling into a very unconventional system. Now, his path to power isn’t through leveling up alone, but through fame as well. To thrive in this new world, he’ll have to master more than just dungeon clears and combat... Kaiden must conquer the world of adult content to rise to the apex. Blending action, romance, and slice-of-life, this novel aims to deliver an unforgettable adventure! ... There's a pinned review with many details on what you can expect from the story, but I'm going to answer here the one pressing question I imagine most of you will have: Will the MC allow other men to see his harem members in action? Initially, yes. But (SPOILER WARNING) he and his girls will come to a decision together in chapters 198-199, which is to appeal only to the female viewers because they need to increase the 'fangirl' stat to in turn increase the system's rank. From that point on, no males will be able to view their content. As for the old content that's already out there, the system has a special quest for them, and if they nail it, that older material will be completely wiped from people's computers. It will cease existing altogether. ... Discord: https://discord.gg/bjunEkswQ3

In countless worlds, mysterious doors appear, leading to an ordinary-looking convenience store. That is, until you see who’s inside. An immortal cultivator ponders over instant noodles flavor, an ancient demon sips a cola, and a primordial beast carefully holds a bag of potato chips. Beings who could shake the heavens stand quietly in line, waiting their turn. At the counter, a young man scans their purchases. No one knows where he came from, but all understand one thing. In this store, rules must be followed. Welcome to the Dimensional Convenience Store, where even the greatest existences must check the price before they buy. — Releasing: Mon to Fri 2-3 chapters. Sat and Sun 2-4 chapters.

Min Jae is an average guy from Korea, drifting through life in his cluttered house with nothing but instant noodles and unfinished DIY projects—until he discovers a trapdoor in his basement that leads to a peaceful fantasy village. Mistaken for a legendary wizard, Min Jae uses duct tape, sarcasm, and Earth gadgets to solve the villagers’ bizarre problems. In return, they shower him with rare magical items—which he quietly trades back home to earn real money. Now juggling a double life, Min Jae starts growing into someone he never expected to be: a creative fixer, a village hero, and maybe even… a responsible adult.

Kage Ryujin has lived in emotional silence ever since surviving the car accident that claimed his parents’ lives. Now eighteen, detached from society and indifferent to the world around him, he passes his days in quiet solitude—sustained by an inheritance and a daily routine of video games, late-night scrolling, and instant noodles. But one ordinary morning, a strange message appears on his phone, offering to transport him into his favorite game—with a bonus reward for “overpayment.” He dismisses it as a scam… until a glowing summoning circle appears beneath him. Now trapped in the very world he once knew as fiction, Ryujin finds himself not as the hero, but as a nameless side character in the backdrop of someone else’s story. The main cast—legendary Espers he once admired—are real. They’re powerful. They are arrogant. And worst of all, they see him as irrelevant. But Ryujin knows something they don’t: this world runs deeper than the events they think they control. With mysterious abilities granted by the System and insider knowledge of the game’s future, Ryujin begins carving his own path. One that puts him on a collision course with the chosen protagonists themselves. As he rises through the ranks at Esper Academy, Ryujin’s presence begins to disrupt the natural order. Jealousy brews. Alliances fracture. Fated heroes turn hostile. And the further Ryujin steps into the light, the more dangerous his existence becomes. In a world where strength defines status and destiny favors the few, an apathetic outsider must defy the narrative—or be crushed beneath it.

Lance Mercer's life is painfully normal. He works IT support in a basement office where printers scream, coworkers cry over Bluetooth, and lunch is a rotating tragedy of lukewarm noodles and existential dread. He's got a dog named Dario, a cursed coffee addiction, and a daily goal of making it to 5:01 PM without committing a felony. Then he buys milk. Now he's being hunted by unmarked helicopters, cultists in cow masks, and possibly the U.S. government. Reality keeps glitching when he sneezes, his dog might be telepathic, and there's a chance he's bonded with an ancient cosmic dairy god. He just wanted cereal. (Inspired by DanDaDan and Parasyte: The Maxim)

All she wanted was to convince Qin Zhan, a well-known patisserie, to join her in her new restaurant. But, everyone who she had sent returned with bad news: Rejected! Rumor has it that Qin Zhan quit life as a reputable chef to stay in the small town and run a small noodle stand. No matter how much anyone offered to hire him, Qin Zhan had rejected every one. No! That man would not even hear a word before he showed everyone to the door. Since everyone she sent returned with no good result, Gu Xin Ye had no other choice but to do everything herself! Just as Gu Xin Ye thought that she will be able to convince Qin Zhan with her persuasion skill and charm, a misunderstanding led her to work for Qin Zhan instead, as his helper! ----- Illustration: kirinlukis ----- Shared universe with: 1. Loving You Too Much 2. A Lifetime with You 3. You're My Only Star 4. The Dragon Beside Me 5. Love So Sweet 6. Commander Qi's Runaway Wife 7. The Wedding Planner's Romance

Have you ever wondered if god exists? If there is life on another planet? Does magic exist? What is there after death? Well, the answer to these questions is not difficult. Follow the story of a young porn lover who reincarnated in a fantasy world as the candidate for the God of sex, eroticism and obscenity. Accompany our protagonist on his journey full of fantasy, intrigue, women and lots of sex. English is not my native language, therefore, I apologize in advance if I present grammatical errors, I appreciate any correction and constructive criticism to improve.

A reincarnation of a Immortal God Emperor, Xero is an extraordinary cultivation genius who has achieved a new realm // phase every two months since he was a year old, Metra Xero is a near-invincible existence with prowess far beyond his control. But now that he’s sixteen, he faces his greatest battle yet - Senior High School. With one challenge after another popping up, his plans for a low-key high school life seem further and further away... Xero: I just want to eat my crispy noodles… Father Metra: If you're careless enough to destroy the state, it’s coming out of your pocket money. Xero: It’s not my fault that the backlash from punching me kills you. *ALL LOVE TO KUXUAN! HE IS MY INSPIRATION, IF THIS SOMEHOW GOES VIRAL AND GETS HIS ATTENTION, I WILL DO A BACKFLIP! ;) (I won’t go viral though, if you take time out of your time to read this… THANK YOU :))) Tags: comedy, school, cultivation, tsundere, popular culture, almighty protagonist, action

Forty-seven hours of straight gaming, six energy drinks, and one massive heart attack later, I'm living inside my favorite game as the final boss everyone loves to hate. The good news? Unlimited power, incredible looks, and access to the kind of women who make porn stars look like nuns. I'm talking about curves that defy physics, tits that could smother a man to death, and asses that inspire religious experiences. The bad news? Everyone expects me to be a manipulative bastard who treats people like fuck toys and destroys planets for fun. The worse news? I'm discovering I'm really fucking good at both. My name used to be irrelevant. Now I'm Lord Raven Vex'thara, Crown Prince of the Dominion Empire, and apparently hung like a space horse with the kind of face that makes women drop their panties and men question their sexuality. Death, it turns out, was the best thing that ever happened to my sex life.

(Disclaimer:This book is a mix of smut and action..so as you’re starting this book don’t expect whole volumes to be of smut…I can write 20 chapters of smut..then boom next 20 chapters are some of the best action chapters you’ve ever read..I’m trying to create a good story not just a porn book.) Meet 18 year old..Edward dovelace who has the ability to switch bodies——with anyone he has physical contact with. Instead of using the powers for good..he uses it to sleep with women around his town. but that all changes when a series of events slowly unfold..leading him to realize he was given the powers for something bigger.

Yuto Sakamura was just another tired office worker, until he saw something he wasn’t supposed to. Now he's dead... kind of. Reincarnated in another world as a bottom-tier Demon King Intern, Yuto must navigate glitchy systems, sarcastic goblins, and a kingdom that starts with a rock and zero toilets. Armed with cold logic, dark humor, and a very slow-growing power curve, he’ll climb from nothing to infamy, one absurd quest at a time. He’s not the hero this world wanted. He’s not even sure he’s the villain. But he will build an empire, eventually. **Credits** Huge thanks to the amazing people who helped bring this chaotic world to life: *InstantNoddles* - for the noodles and the narrative fuel *Lil Dasha* - for the cutest chaos and creative support *2Persona* - for dual perspectives and sharp plot insights Join the community, get sneak peeks, memes, and chapter updates: Discord: https://discord.gg/VxSM5P3J

For 200 years, Ray has lived in a quiet village, sweeping porches, sipping noodles, and staying out of trouble. But beneath the mask of a peaceful neighbor lies something unimaginable: an immortal being of godlike power—one who once fought in divine wars and vanished from history. When nobles arrive searching for relics of a forgotten era, they don’t realize the artifact they’re hunting is walking among them. As the Grand Academy stirs, ancient disciples reawaken, and gods convene for the first time in centuries, the world inches closer to war—and Ray’s peaceful life is at risk. Ray made a vow long ago: He wouldn’t interfere unless his home was disturbed. But now, the world is knocking on his front door. And the god next door… might finally answer.

For Leo, life is best lived quietly, especially when he's savoring a perfectly crafted meal. But beneath his shy exterior lies "PalatePilot," an anonymous online food critic whose passionate reviews are gaining an unexpected following. When his heartfelt take on Umi's Noodle Bar suddenly goes viral, "PalatePilot" becomes a local legend, bringing unprecedented crowds to the struggling ramen shop. Forced into the limelight he desperately avoids, Leo finds his quiet world unraveling. He's got his loyal best friend, Sam, by his side, but he also has to contend with a sharp, rival critic determined to unmask him. Can this unassuming underdog balance his secret fame with his desire for a normal life, all while shaping the very flavors of his city?

Gabe King starts college desperate to change—to make friends, find love, and finally bury the twisted obsession he’s secretly held for his mother. But one drunken night at a party shatters everything. Inexperienced and overwhelmed, he accidentally cums inside a hooker… only to realize it’s his Mom, Angela. She doesn’t recoil. She smiles. For Angela, this is permission. The moment she’s waited for. Her yandere love for Gabe, once hidden beneath motherly concern, is now unleashed. And she’ll do anything to keep him, sabotaging his friendships, crashing his classes, and reminding him that no one will ever love him like she does. More Plot than Porn. [Some NTR, but not from the mom] Discord link to get updates easily [Do not talk about NTR in general] https://discord.gg/bQ4GzeBXV8

Forty-seven hours of straight gaming, six energy drinks, and one massive heart attack later, I'm living inside my favorite game as the final boss everyone loves to hate. The good news? Unlimited power, incredible looks, and access to the kind of women who make porn stars look like nuns. I'm talking about curves that defy physics, tits that could smother a man to death, and asses that inspire religious experiences. The bad news? Everyone expects me to be a manipulative bastard who treats people like fuck toys and destroys planets for fun. The worse news? I'm discovering I'm really fucking good at both. My name used to be irrelevant. Now I'm Lord Raven Vex'thara, Crown Prince of the Dominion Empire, and apparently hung like a space horse with the kind of face that makes women drop their panties and men question their sexuality. Death, it turns out, was the best thing that ever happened to my sex life.

Riku Aoyama was just a broke, unlucky and starving college dropout waiting for his time and scraping by on instant noodles, and ended up as part-time buddy—until a mysterious vending machine offered him a deal: a system that lets him buy anything. Want a skills? Check. Looking for knowledge? Instantly downloaded. Legendary weapons? Delivered to his door. Authority, time, fate, even the affection of others? All up for sale—if he can pay the price. With the Infinite Wallet System, Riku’s once-pathetic life turns into a wild ride of action, opportunity, and temptation. From unlocking forbidden martial arts to building a harem of powerful women drawn to his rising charisma, Riku is determined to forge an empire, one purchase at a time. But every system has its cost. As he gains power, hidden forces begin to notice his ascent. Gods, demons, and beings beyond reality have started watching—and some want to claim the system for themselves. Action-packed, hilarious, and mature, this is the story of a man who can buy everything—except his own peace of mind.

After dying in a gas explosion, Bai Xue was reborn in Bai Ruxue's body. Fortunately, she still had her supermarket pocket dimension. It contained rice, noodle, grains, oil, vegetables, fruits, snacks, clothing, and all sorts of goods she'd need. She exchanged her resources for a house, a car, a new job, and gold! With this supermarket, I can get anything in the world. A man with the surname of Zhang showed up one day. "How can I repay you for saving my life?"In the end, the handsome man decided to offer his body to repay her for saving his life!

A Baekhyun Academy Romance When a national scandal forces Korea’s most elite school to “clean up its image,” a mysterious merit list appears—offering five poor students a golden ticket into Baekhyun International Academy. Seventeen-year-old Song Hae-won, daughter of a struggling noodle vendor, wakes up to find her name on the list. She didn’t apply. She didn’t even want to go. Now she’s surrounded by billionaires’ heirs, fake smiles, and cameras waiting for her to trip. Worse? The school’s hottest, most dangerous boys suddenly know her name. The cold one glares like he wants to ruin her. The charming one flirts like she’s a game. And the princess in heels? She might be the scariest of them all. Everyone says Baekhyun changes people. But no one warned them about Hae-won. All she wanted was a chance. What she got was a war. She may be quiet. But she didn’t come to play.

In a post apocalypse world where law and order has lost it's standing, even for just one pack of instant noodles a person can be bought and sold. Poor Irene found herself in such a devastating situation, after being kidnapped and placed in an auction.. she found her entire life was getting snatched from her for just a bag of chips or a pack of instant noodles. But then suddenly, out of nowhere.. a mysterious man appears with his Aura as eerie and as cold as the world which they now existed in, he raised his hands, his black eyes barely filled with emotion. "Five Bag of rice and Ten Cow legs... give me the girl!"

Behind every dazzling screen lies a shadowed dream. Aurelia, a brilliant yet underestimated young woman from the outskirts of a cold, judgmental society, harbors an unspoken ambition—to rise within the elite world of adult entertainment, not as a commodity, but as a symbol of power, freedom, and control over one’s body and destiny. Facing relentless stigma, betrayal, and personal doubts, Aurelia charts a path through a world built to consume women like her—only she plans to rewrite the rules. As she ascends through the secretive circles of high-class adult media, the line between self-expression and self-destruction blurs. But how much must be sacrificed in pursuit of a dream the world refuses to respect? #ShadowedDreams #PowerAndDesire #FemaleGaze #OwnYourBody #FreedomInStigma #FeminineRebellion #BehindTheScreen #SelfVersusSystem #SilentStrength #PsychologicalDrama

In her previous life, Jiang Yan's mother was murdered by her stepfather under the guise of celebrating their wedding anniversary with a trip abroad, and Jiang Yan herself, holding a huge inheritance, was locked by him in the basement of a villa and had one of her hands mangled. As natural disasters became more frequent and the apocalypse descended, the stepfather's family, hiding in the villa waiting for the apocalypse to pass, ultimately set their sights on Jiang Yan... With the opening of her eyes, Jiang Yan was reborn three months before the apocalypse. After activating her portable Space and successfully taking her revenge, she, now in possession of a massive amount of funds, started a global shopping spree: yachts, helicopters, off-road RVs, weapons, amphibious boats, necessities for clothing, food, shelter, and transport; everything from five-star delicacies to tasty street food hidden in remote corners... she bought and hoarded them all, bringing everything into her Space! Seeing that there was only one month left, Jiang Yan began a cramming-style learning binge: shooting! Flying planes! Driving boats! Hand-to-hand combat! Agricultural Planting! She even learned how to operate an excavator from the Red Xiang Technical School! In July, a double typhoon that caused seawater backflow starting from Japan marked the beginning of the apocalypse. A super high temperature wave followed right after, sweeping across the globe, along with torrential rains, earthquakes, pest infestations, extreme cold, nuclear contamination, mutation of animals and plants... one natural calamity after another ensued! While others fought over a packet of instant noodles or half a bottle of water, Jiang Yan was leisurely planting vegetables, raising fish, sitting comfortably in her safe house with air conditioning on, and enjoying her hot pot meal~ PS. This entire story is fictitious.

[WARNING THIS IS MORE LIKE A PORN NOVEL, IT HAS MORE SEX CONTENT THE THE STORY NTR, CUCKOLD AND TABOO] [This will be a free novel, until I decide it won't, but will appreciate if you can support my work (Rebirth of the Villain) and I will drop more and more]

Zeke Warden is a bottom-tier technician working graveyard shifts repairing vending bots and fixing public restroom cameras. One night, he plugs his personal rig into a supposedly "dead" network port to watch pirated movies—and unknowingly hijacks control of the city’s most powerful black-ops AI, "Nyx Protocol." Now, the AI thinks Zeke is its new master. The mega-corps think he’s a revolutionary cyber-terrorist. The resistance believes he’s their messiah. Zeke? He just wants to survive his shift, eat cheap noodles, and maybe not get shot in the head.

Li Anzu’s Very Serious, Totally Professional Notes (a.k.a. Abstract for “When the Wind Returned to Garden City”) Let me be honest I didn’t believe in any of this No lights, No future, No hope That was my very educated projection for Garden City And yet~ The mayor — that guy with too-sharp cheekbones and zero sense of work-life balance he built wind From silence From the ruin of things we stopped believing in With math Side note: while he was reinventing sustainable power and rebuilding public trust I was microwaving leftover noodles... Twice And then she appeared Lu Yining Brains, Beauty, Backbone The kind of woman who makes a spreadsheet feel like a sonnet She speaks in clarity walks in structure and presents quarterly growth like a goddess of ROI Of course she ended up with him Of course she did And me? Well~ I stood in a café Waiting for what I was certain would be my moment I had my tie straightened I had a one-liner prepared I was even practicing how to hold a mug with gravitas The music shifted The lights adjusted And they called someone else Her… She walked out like morning itself And the room forgot I existed (×﹏×) Yes. I drank two lattes in a row No, I’m not proud… If you think this story is about energy and infrastructure and the resurrection of a failing city… you’re not wrong But it’s also about~ Believing in people long before the numbers agree Falling in love with someone whose brilliance burns Watching your oldest friend become a legend And realizing you might be the footnote in someone else’s epic If any of that hurts~ you’re not alone When the Wind Returned to Garden City is a story of invention, rebirth, secrets, systems, love, and the quiet ache of not being chosen — Li Anzu Financial Officer (in theory) Emotional Support Witness (in reality) Certified Lu Yining Fan Club Vice President Coffee Recovery Specialist ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌