Ugly Jokes Roasts

What happens when the ugly duckling becomes the swan? Married into the Jenkins family Lizzy had been ridiculed constantly for being over weight and treated like dirt by her in laws. However when she finds out about her husband's affair she decides that she has had enough and she demands for a quick divorce. Devastated and heart broken Lizzy vows to never fall in love again But when a certain hot shot celebrity comes into her life, how would she be able to resist his charms

‘I must entertain the masses.’ This was Jester’s lifelong goal. After leading 12 different lives as a Hero, King, Sage, Jester, and more, all he wanted was to mock the king and his court. Unfortunately for him, his majesty didn’t appreciate his vicious jokes. Jester died, trying to flee for his life. But death wasn’t the end for him. For his 13th and last life, he triggered the Archetype System and reincarnated in a world of magic and perils. [This is your last life. Don’t waste it!] [Welcome to the world of Archetypes!] Soon, players from Earth would flood into his new world. But even players won't escape from his clutches! Even people from the Earth will be tamed!

Many people wish to escape this boring life, or rather, everyone does. I was no different. But back then, I hadn’t been summoned to another world. It didn’t take long for us to realize that this place was a true hell. Covered in blood, Avinash screamed, “One day, I’ll have them all beneath my feet!” Hero? What a joke.

Heartbroken after catching her boyfriend cheating with his colleague on Valentine's Day, Anya impulsively proposes to a stranger in a fit of rage. The stranger, a charming and enigmatic man, accepts her proposal without hesitation. As Anya grapples with the consequences of her impulsive decision, she discovers that her "husband" is not just a random passerby, but someone with a mysterious and powerful connection to her life. He's not just a stranger; he's her boyfriend's boss, a man known for his wealth and influence, but who has kept his true identity hidden from Anya. Now, trapped in a web of lies and deceit, Anya must navigate the treacherous waters of her unexpected marriage while uncovering the truth about her "husband" and his hidden agenda.

Below the nine setting suns lies the remains of the Golden Crows. By chance, a young man arrives in the world of Journey to the West, attaining enlightenment using the bodies of nine Golden Crows, leading to a different journey. Summary for this book: "Living in the Journey to the West, I started off by roasting nine Golden Crows." Yet another summary is, "My days of collecting bodies in the Journey to the West. When it comes to body collection, no one's better than me. Three hundred years of professional body collection experience, skilled at cooking braised meat, and never adds sugar in it."

“You are going to be my first wife!” Huang Xiaolong explained to Song Yuru, moments after they had met on the train. "You quack!" A man to the side harrumphed, neither he nor Song Yuru were amused by the statement. Little did they know that this hillbilly from the mountains had a few tricks up his sleeves and a handsome face to make up for his awful sense of fashion. With three missions in mind- earn lots of money, get a wife (or a dozen), and get a university degree, Huang Xiaolong was about to take Coast City by storm!

Every Cultivation transmigrator would begin their journey with ignorance. Ye Chen, who was originally from Earth, unexpectedly transmigrated to the Fantasy world after crashing with Truck-Kun. Of course, like every Protagonist, he had a gold finger with a female seductive spirit in an ancient ring. But he also had many mysteries hidden beneath him, as he discovered on his great adventure. This was our protagonist's first journey: every attractive female fell over him with simply his sight, but there was another person. This pig-featured man was maliciously reincarnated into this fantasy world with the appearance of a third-rate villain, and he snatched all of the heroines as our protagonist flirted with other females. This story will be the epic clash between the Transmigrator and Reincarnator....... Tags- #Netori #Dark

On her wedding day, Qian Sisi found out that her husband was the man from that night, and she was dumbstruck, "Why is it you?" Bai Dashao responded with a shallow smile, his cunning calmness apparent, "Of course, I had to inspect the goods before marrying a wife!" To avoid marital duties after the wedding, she disfigured her little face more than once, proudly declaring, "Look, I'm so ugly." "No problem! I'm blind!" the man answered, effortlessly scooping up the woman and tightly enfolding her in his arms, "You can be even uglier, ugly enough so no one will compete with me for you!"

Due to rejection of the heart donated by her ex-boyfriend, she married him and supported him with her own blood for two years. After the rejection disappeared, he unexpectedly filed for divorce. She readily agreed and left, revealing to him how he gotten the heart. When he learned the truth, he was furious and disgusted with her. Five years later, she pretended to be dead and returned with their child, disguised as an ugly nanny...

Tom. A friend. Not a foe. A friend. (made for an inside joke)

I am Racist. … I mean, my name is Racis T. I was a stand-up comedian. The flop one. The one who only get laughs when someone else is making fun of him. Anyway, I was doing one such show in a bar and since I like dark humor, I was cracking jokes around that. The show I was doing was in a run down bar, frequently visited by wicked tattooed motor bikers sort of people. I spewed some humorous jokes but no one seemed to get them as they were not laughing or maybe they got the jokes, that’s why they weren’t laughing. All in all, they were ignoring me. Being ignored didn’t sit right with my inner artist, who was starving to death, therefore, I decided to go darker. Though, I shouldn’t have done that. One of my jokes or maybe all of them triggered a man and as a result, he head-shotted me and I died on the stage. But see this : A man got triggered and he pulled the trigger. I did some word play here. But who cares. I am dead anyway. All I wanted was a successful show, people laughing and loving me and girls too. I am a true artist. I don’t care about money. All the money I would have earned I would be giving it to others. I would distribute 0.001 percent of all my money to the people in need. I don’t care about money at all. Nevertheless, a death is a death. So my story ended. Though, if there is an afterlife I would like to become a successful comedian, have a loving wife and have good enough money so I can afford only a three time meal and a humble private yacht or a jet will do too. I don’t care about money anyway. That was my dying wish. Though, I am using ‘though’ too much, don't mind. So yeah, as I was saying, I had that wish only if there was an after life and turned out… There really was an after life. Though, (‘though’ again?) it wasn’t what I wished for at all!!

The story takes place in the Nine Heavens Realm, a vast world filled with sects, ancient clans, and powerful cultivators. The realm is divided into Lower, Middle, and Upper Heavens, each with its own hierarchy of power. The protagonist starts in the Lower Heavens, where he is mocked and bullied for his ugliness, but through his journey, he ascends to the highest levels of power. --- Main Character Name: Luo Feng Appearance: Luo Feng is born with a hideous appearance—his face is scarred, his body is deformed, and he is often compared to a "monster" or "beast." His ugliness is so extreme that even his family shuns him. Personality: Despite his appearance, Luo Feng is kind-hearted, intelligent, and resilient. He has a strong will to prove himself and refuses to let his looks define his worth. "Cultivation Talent": Luo Feng possesses a unique cultivation talent that no one recognizes at first. His body, though ugly, is a rare vessel for an ancient, forgotten cultivation technique called the "Celestial Asura Scripture". This technique allows him to absorb energy from pain, suffering, and rejection, making him stronger with every hardship he endures. --- Cultivation System: The cultivation system is divided into Realms and Stages, with each realm requiring immense effort and breakthroughs. Luo Feng’s cultivation path is unique because his ugliness and suffering become the source of his power. 1. Mortal Realm - Qi Gathering - Body Refinement - Foundation Establishment 2. Earthly Realm - Core Formation - Nascent Soul - Soul Transformation 3. Heavenly Realm - Void Refinement - Dao Seeking - Immortal Ascension 4. Celestial Realm (Luo Feng’s ultimate goal) - Celestial Sovereign - Asura Emperor - Eternal Ascendant

Good day, Ever wondered what happens when you mix a self-proclaimed ugly duckling, a magical transformation pill, and a city that looks like Vegas on steroids? Welcome to my disaster life in Cerothine. Oh, and apparently I might get executed for being special. Just another Tuesday in paradise, right? At least I look like a Greek God now. - Sincerely Luke

Morgan Lovecraft had a problem. The world hated him for what he was, and what he could do.Saved by Duke Kinson, Morgan finds a new life in the world of Dunnishire. Orphaned as a young teenager, he finds himself in a new world where making friends was easy. That all came crashing down the day he turned sixteen and found out he not only had a death affinity, but he was also a necromancer. For a time, all necromancers were put down before they could gain levels or power.Morgan was born after that nonsense, but many of the old prejudices and hatred were still prevalent. Going from having friends to being an outcast once again, he hopes his scholarship to the Mages Academy will be a new turning point for him and a way to redeem himself.Most people think of necromancer’s as beings of great power who could raise up hordes of the undead to do their bidding. Well, yes, that part was true. But necromancers were a fantastic utility class that could be both DPS as well as some minor healing and maybe… just maybe… cast resurrections.All his planning, hopes, and dreams go out the window the first day of classes, when he is challenged to an honor duel. Making mortal enemies five minutes after walking into school? Being asked by the duchy to speak to the dead for them? Help them solve an assassination plot, corruption of public officials? Not wanting to be in the spotlight, the former Earth gamer finds himself right on center stage as he becomes The Duchy’s Necromancer!What this book is: A fantasy LitRPG GameLit progression based storyline. There are grownups in this book who act like grownups. They drink, they swear, they make bad jokes, and they fall in love. What’s not in this book? Harems. Sex scenes. Graphic or otherwise. There are plenty of jokes and innuendo about it, however.

Like any 18 year old high school student, Kim Ji-Hye was just busy struggling with expectations and exams. The biggest worries? Overbearing parents and college entrance exams. That, of course, was the case until she accidentally found herself in an unexpected circumstance that led straight into the glowing gates of death! One moment, she was zoning out on an empty school corridor. The next? She was smack in the middle of a field that was way too over dramatic with the moon lighting up the surrounding and to add to it all, questioning all her life decisions. “What the hell? Where the HELL AM I?" Before she managed to figure out whether she had been taken hostage, sedated, or was indeed deceased, the reality had another surprise in store for her. The field evaporated. She was now in a never-ending white void. “Ah right, that is just brilliant. Another case of teleportation. Is my life really that boring that I actually find this exciting?” “Why do you think so?” a deep, unbothered voice replied. Ji-Hye screamed. Floating, there in front of her was a god that was the epitome of ‘a literal god.’ “WHO ARE YOU?” The God sighed. “Welcome Ji-Hye. I do not really know how you made it here, but… yeah, this is awkward.” Ji-Hye blinked. “Am I dead?” "Is that your final guess?" "Nope." “Then where am I?” "Alternate reality." “And how did I get here?” "Because your universe's God did an ‘oopsie’ and misplaced you." “Excuse me?” Apparently, some celestial treasure named Ezekiel was supposed to keep her safely in her time screwed up so badly that she ended up in a reality she wasn’t even supposed to exist in. THANKS EZEKIEL! "So what now?" Ji-hye asked, still trying to process the fact that divine beings are capable of making stupid mistakes The god who introduced himself in a head-turning fashion as Kashigami sighed once more. “Well, I need to send you back… but the thing is, I have no clue which universe is yours. So it might take some time.” “And how long is ‘some time’?” “Perhaps 500 years.” Ji-hye’s eyes had never been so wide. “WHAT IN THE FU–” And there started the journey which I (the author) could describe in many different ways, but for Ji-hye, it was undoubtedly the most unhinged. ✨ READ NOW TO FIND OUT: ✔ How does Ji-hye handle being an anomaly? ✔ Will Kashigami ever be useful? (Spoiler: Probably not.) ✔ Will she ever return home, or is she stuck in this SPACE WARP forever? 5K VIEWS CELEBRATION! JOIN THE DISCORD SERVER https://discord.gg/9Y2KUg3e code is "Ji-hye"

This is a story about Annabelle Jane and her redemption from being kicked out of a royal family for her powerful and ugly disfiguration watch her create something better through spite.

In the cold winter, Burberry, after finishing work, went to buy cold noodles roasted at the bus stop in Area D of City H. The vendor made them for her acquaintances first, leaving Burberry waiting in the cold wind. After returning home, he found the taste disappointing, far from what he had in the south, and was filled with loneliness and a longing for warmth.

In a world of magic brimming with wars and monsters Kaniel can not live a simple life he yearns. Smarter, stronger, and sturdier atrocities keep popping out of nowhere. The world is so beautiful and ugly at the same time... and once curiosity takes ahold of the mind, there is no escaping this never-ending cesspool of death. Dream-crushing reality is unforgiving and in the end no victors will stand amidst this fierce contest. How would this world affect the simple-minded Kaniel? Would he succumb to fate?

"I think am in love with someone's husband," Nadia said suddenly and it sounded like a joke to her best friend Sonia.

It pays to look like the undead, when the paranoid emperor holds all first born nobles hostage in the Royal Academy. Particularly when the promiscuous crown prince treats the place as his own personal harem. That's why the infamous royal recluse, Lord Patric Siccus, doesn't mind that he looks like a dehydrated goblin, or that his eyes bulge out when he's too excited, and how his mouth fills up the rest of his face when he tries to smile. He went there for the library, after all. ___________________ !!! DISCLAIMER !!! This novel is a work of fiction. Any similarity to events, people, objects or places both real or fiction, are merely the product of an overactive imagination, unless specified. Copyright 2024 Gem Vecino All rights reserved No part of this online publication or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted in any way, form, or kind without the prior written consent of the author, Gem Vecino - aka - Alex Rosas - aka - Psynoid Al.

The "Future Glimpse" app was initially a joke. A harmless trend, fueled by bored social media users and influencers looking for a quirky new angle. You’d type in your question, shake your phone, and the app, with its cheesy, swirling galaxy background, would spit out a cryptic prediction. Most were vague, almost poetic - "A journey begins with forgotten steps," or "Beware the whispers of the raven's flight." Harmless fun.

well i guess this is it ... wait why wont this world let me die ? is this some kind of joke ?

Drake was a troublemaker with a knack for bad jokes. One of them got him killed. Now, he finds himself in Atheria, a world of magic, mythical creatures, and warring Gods. Equipped with the mysterious System of Chaos—a game-like interface that grants him skills, stats, and quests—Drake must learn to survive in this dangerous new reality. But his arrival hasn't gone unnoticed. The Gods, offended by his irreverent attitude and fearful of his unique system, have marked him for death. To live peacefully (and maybe get some payback), Drake will have to embrace his chaotic nature, master his newfound powers, and challenge the very beings who rule Atheria.

Jian rue gazed back at the ugly gray alien while stumbling and running. he clumsily tossed a stone at it "Fuck just leave me alone!!!" Suddenly a warm pair of hand grabbed his waist and tossed him over a study shoulder. "Xing yu!! let me down! you fucker!!! The said man chuckled and playfully smacked his butt. "Honey, I'm saving your life~" "I had it under control. Now, let me go!" Jian rue bit his shoulders hard until the sweet taste of blood filled his mouth. "Hiss.. baby, you're making me hard~" Jian rue froze. "W-why are you following me! why me.." Xing yu stopped running, and with a swing of his sword, the ugly tentacle alien was slayed. He gentnly pulled him down and hugged him close. Peering into his eyes, he smirked, "Because you are my betrothed,"

Why so obsessed? A world where beauty equates to strengths. As ugliness equates to feebleness. A dying world filled with depravity. Where its counterparts? Follow the story of a couple dancing in the Requiem of Madness. ------------------ No harem No NTR Couple battle-orientation

"A thrilling action novel infused with jokes and a touch of life lessons."

Lilith— a reject for her ugliness, got a panel, letting her level up her looks. No longer willing to cower, she reinvents herself. [ No Romance x Grinding x Ugly to Beautiful ]

The cards all contain a mystery, and a mystery is always something very dark and enchanting. There are people who want to know their fate, and there are people who are just curious. In general, the cards don't like to be teased and they don't know what to joke about. Sometimes there are some things, it's best not to know too much. So the card you chose, what is it?

Lisa Davis, a brave and smart girl, blessed with stunning beauty. Tragedy struck her life when she lost her mother in a heart-wrenching accident at the age of 5. Lisa's father, John Davis, later got married to Lisa's stepmother, a kind-hearted woman who would take good care of Lisa. However, as time went on, things didn't unfold as expected. Claire, Lisa's stepmother, proved to be far from the loving, kind mother she hoped for. Instead, she treated Lisa very badly and her daughter affectionately. To make matters more complex, the Davis and Miller families were childhood friends, so they arranged a marriage between their children to further their friendship. Mera Davis, Lisa's stepsister, adamantly refused to marry Lugard Miller, considering the rumors that surrounded him. Whispers echoed through the city, painting Lugard Miller as an ugly beast. It was said that anyone foolish enough to incur his wrath would meet a swift and deadly end. These rumors further flourished, claiming that his face was disfigured so badly that he looked like a monster and he no longer felt the desire to touch a woman because of the catastrophic accident. He never showed his face to the public. Clare's daughter pleaded not to be wed to the "ugly beast," and her mother confronted her husband, saying "My daughter will never marry that ugly, useless man from the Miller family, You have another daughter; marry her off to the Miller family. They are a perfect match." If you're curious to know what happened between Lisa Davis and Lugard Miller, continue reading till you find out.

Form an up-and-coming alchemist to the richest mage to exist, follow the journey of Seth as he walks the path paved with gold while throwing fireballs here and there. Maybe, just maybe you can get a glimpse on the Dao of wealth. Ps: This is not a cultivation novel. Ps: Don’t forget to drop a comment. Ps: Remember to like and subscribe ^-^ Ps: Just joking but do add to library.