Start of everything
It was the start of a new session at school, and I had been transferred to a new class due to my academic merit and good exam scores. When I went into the class, there was only one student in it, gazing out of the window into the surroundings. It started with one glance—a wave so small but strong enough to pull me in, and I was struggling for air in a sea of emotions I had never expected. Even though she was unfamiliar to me, I was already drowning in her love. It was, without a doubt, love at first sight. A feeling I had never experienced or imagined before. I couldn't help but think that this was the beginning of a new journey, one that would completely change my life.
Her name was Arika. She sat there, glasses perched on the end of her nose, the golden glow of sunlight peeking through her hair, making it shine like gold strands. With her eyes to the outside view, she appeared lost in thought, so near but out of my reach. Her glasses added an aura of mystery—something that appeared to imply a mind much larger than the covering. There was something magnetic about her, a quiet elegance in the way she moved, a soft, almost unnoticeable aura of grace that seemed to demand attention without asking for it.
As i sat, my thoughts were a jumbled array of questions and curiosity. I could not help but glance, mesmerized by her being the way a moth is attracted to fire. She was everything that I wasn't—untouched, collected, calm. I wondered what she imagined when she was at that window. Did she think about love, or did she, like me, ache with the silence of a new beginning? Every time she adjusted her glasses, my heart pounded quicker, as though a sign to my soul that I was almost acquainted with knowing her, if only for a fleeting moment.
Then, as if the universe had decided to take mercy on me, Arika looked up from the window. We met eyes, and time came to a stop for the barest fraction of a second. I could see a flash of recognition in her gaze, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. She didn't smile. She didn't frown. She simply returned her attention to the window, leaving me with a thousand questions. But that brief exchange—was it real? Or was it just the product of my overactive mind?
I couldn't help but wonder if something had shifted. The briefest moment with her had already begun to affect me in ways I didn't realize I was capable of. This wasn't a typical encounter. It was as if the beginning of a book, one I hadn't asked for but couldn't help but continue reading. I had no idea what the future held, but I knew Arika would be there. And somehow, that realization both terrified and exhilarated me.
As the days went by, I couldn't help but notice Arika more and more. Not only because of the way she appeared, but because of her small, daily habits. How she brushed behind a stray piece of hair against her ear when she was lost in thought. How her forehead furrowed in concentration as we sat in class. Even the way she moved, peaceful and effortless, as if she was a different plane of existence. Everything little thing she did only added to my emotions. As if she was unconsciously weaving her life into every second of my day at school. And yet, I promised myself not to ever speak of these emotions. It was my secret—one too fragile to be shared, too precious to let another destroy.
Then, one day, it happened. During class, when the teacher was distracted going over our work, the disturbance in the room became too much. It was chaos. The teacher, clearly frustrated, appointed Arika monitor for the day and instructed her to get the class under control. She stood up, striding down the benches as if she owned the place, her presence commanding respect. I couldn't help but be amazed at how she had this under control so effortlessly. As the class calmed down, I stood up and handed in my work to be graded. I made my way back to my seat and discovered that some other individual was on it. Arika, noticing that I looked lost, volunteered for me to have her seat until then. That small gesture—so unamusing, yet so kind lit a fire in my heart that I hadn't expected. I sat down, and with the passing minutes, I sensed she stayed alongside me, the warmth of her close by. It was unusual—warm but unsettling in the best possible way.
However, not everything on that day was perfect. My friends, boys I had grown up with, noticed what had happened. They saw Arika's gesture, how she had offered me her seat, and how she lingered around me when I was sitting. To them, it was obvious. They made up stories, gossiped among themselves, and before I knew it, they had created a code language—one that was employed solely to taunt me. The next day, and the day after that, they taunted me relentlessly. I had no idea what the code meant, but their smug expressions and evil grins were enough to make my heart pound every time they uttered the language. I tried my best to ignore it, but it was impossible. Then, one day, when I overheard one of them explain to another what the code meant, I was amazed. My stomach dropped. How did they know? I had told no one how I felt about Arika. It was a flash of complete surprise—a 'wow' moment, discovering somehow that my secret was out, without even a single word being spoken. Weeks turned into days, and the teasing from my friends did not let up.
Proposal Arc
Days turned into weeks, and the teasing from my friends didn't stop. If anything, it only grew worse. They seemed to pick up on every little detail that happened between me and Arika, and whenever they would mock me, my heart would thump with a mix of fear and excitement. Their cryptic words tormented me, their whispers grew louder, their smiles, knowing and evil. But I… I did not. I kept my feelings locked deep inside, pretending everything was fine. Every time I saw her, or even heard her name mentioned, my emotions churned. It left me with the poker face and the smile. I couldn't keep up the act anymore.
As the holidays of Tihar approached, I couldn't shake the urge to do something about it. To stop hiding and finally tell her how I felt. But, let's be honest—I was terrified. I wasn't sure how to approach her directly. I wasn't brave enough to just walk up and say it. So, I did what any confused and nervous person would do: I enlisted help. One of my cousin sisters studied in the same class as me and was also great friends with Arika. I asked her to tell Arika everything—everything I had been feeling—and to ask her to give me an answer. It felt a bit indirect, but I didn't know what else to do.
After school, they were walking home together, and I followed them from a distance, my heart pounding in my chest. My cousin told Arika everything, and I stood there, watching from a distance, unable to move. Finally, when I gathered the courage to step forward, I asked her the question I had been dying to know the answer to. The answer, however, was not what I had hoped for. She rejected me. My heart sank, and for a moment, I didn't know what to do with myself. It was like the world stopped spinning for a few seconds, and everything I had built up in my mind came crashing down.
As soon as I reached home, I shut the door to my room and allowed myself to break down. I let the tears fall, each one carrying the weight of the rejection, the hurt, and the disappointment I had been holding inside. I didn't care. For once, I just needed to feel everything that had been building up inside of me. It was only when the last tear had fallen that I finally stopped, the silence in the room settling around me like a blanket.
Though the feeling of rejection still lingered, a dull ache in my chest, something about the festive holidays of Tihar began to lift my spirits. The lights, the celebrations, the joy that filled the air—there was a certain magic in it that made me feel somewhat refreshed. For the first time in days, I felt like I could breathe again, even if only for a little while. The holidays gave me a much-needed distraction, allowing me to shift my focus from the pain to the festivities. But deep down, I knew that the feeling of loss wasn't going to vanish that easily.
When school resumed, I arrived early, my mind a jumble of anxiety and regret. With a heavy heart, I shamefully updated my friends about what had happened. They didn't hold back. I was mocked mercilessly, their teasing only adding to the embarrassment I already felt. But that wasn't the worst part.
The real shock came when Arika walked into school that day and, without any warning, told me she was going to the principal to complain about my proposal. My blood ran cold. A shudder ran down my spine, and for a moment, I couldn't breathe. The shock was overwhelming—I couldn't focus on anything, not even class. My thoughts were racing, and my heart was pounding in my chest.
During recess, I couldn't stand the weight of it anymore. Desperation took over me. I approached her with a sense of urgency, almost pleading with her. My words stumbled out in a rush, as if I couldn't say them fast enough. I apologized to her a hundred times, my voice shaking, telling her that I would never look at her the way I had before. The fear of her going to the principal, of her hating me, of ruining everything, was tearing me apart. I promised her—almost begging—that from now on, I would think of her as a sworn sister, nothing more. It felt like the only thing I could do to stop the situation from spiraling further, and I was desperate for her to understand.
That moment marked the true end to my first love, a chapter of my heart that I would never be able to reopen. The pain, the rejection, the fear—it all settled into a quiet ache I would carry with me. And just like that, everything I had hoped for, dreamed of, and imagined faded into the past, leaving nothing but memories I wished I could forget.
Post - Rejection Arc
Time went by, sweeping me along with it. The ache of rejection had decreased but never truly gone away. I threw myself into studying, reasoning that if I was not successful at love, I would be at least academically successful. Pages were written, grades rose, but none of it filled the emptiness inside.
The environment around me had transformed. My friends, who once denounced love as a short-term thing, were now engaged in it. And then there was Arika. She had moved on with someone else. The worst part? That someone else happened to be my close friend, Raj—the one I'd always confided in, the one I used to tell everything to.
Their alleged romance did not survive beyond twelve hours, a brief fire that fizzled out almost as quickly as it started not that it mattered. To me, it was a knife. A vicious reminder that while love came and went for everyone else, it had never visited my hands, with me remaining on the outside, heartbroken and alone. Maybe I actually was a side character in somebody else's novel.
The pain was not in their twelve-hour relationship, but in how I had reacted to it. Arika had gotten Raj, and I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it. I made fun of him about how his "relationship" had lasted barely a day, mocking the whole situation as if it was nothing.
But deep inside, it did. Everyone knew by now how I felt for Arika—there was no point in hiding it anymore. The rejection had left a mark, and though I tried to laugh it off, the truth was not so easily shrugged off. I'd always made love out to be some kind of joke, something to tease and laugh about. But with Arika, it wasn't a joke. It never was.
I teased Raj, not because I hated him, but because it was easier to make a joke about it than to acknowledge that I wasn't yet healed. That twelve-hour relationship was over, but the hurt it left behind? That was very much alive.
And there was this bizarre incident, one that I couldn't shake off my mind for days. It was a post-class evening, and a soft drizzle had set in. I was walking home with my friends, all of us umbrella in hand to save us from the rain. Raj was with us too. While we were walking, I saw Arika in the distance, walking along with my cousin. And on an impulse, I blurted out, "Arika, Raj wished 'bye' to you!"
But as soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, I stopped. I saw a man trying to make a U-turn on his bike. My heart dropped. It was Arika's father. Oh no.
I panicked . I immediately ducked behind the umbrella, concealing my face, and I wasn't by myself. Siddanta did the same thing, and together we scurried, making a dash towards Raj's home. The others, however, were totally oblivious to the disaster that was to befall us. They simply went about as usual, completely oblivious. Then, after hiding for a bit, we came out on the road. Relief struck both of us as they had already departed. That was a close call.
The next day, I found out from Arika that she had managed to convince her father that nothing had happened. But the event stayed with me. It wasn't just the fear of getting caught by her dad—it was the realization that everything Arika was still so far away, so fragile. And somehow, I felt like I'd just made it all worse.
Excellence in Studies
I was determined to prove myself to her—not in words, not in deeds—but by defeating her in the one area she was good at: academics. It wasn't for proving anything else. It was to prove to myself that I could overcome my shattered heart. I dived headlong into my books with a gleam of vengeance in my eyes, studying day and night, immersing my mind in formulas and theories, and not allowing anything to divert my attention.
I did not care about the world around me anymore. I did not care about the relationships I saw other people having, the friendships that seemed to fade. I cared about one thing and one thing only: being the best. Every test, every paper, every project—I attacked them with a single-minded focus. It was the only thing I knew to do to cope with the pressure of broken love and the ache of rejection.
My grades got better, and I could feel a sense of accomplishment, yet regardless of how many praises piled up, the emptiness inside lingered, taunting me as I hadn't beaten her truly yet. I couldn't help but wonder if the success I was seeking was really plugging the void or just keeping me preoccupied from it.
The current year just so happened to be our final year at that school. It was the last chapter, and we knew that beyond this, we would be moving to a different institution. The school did not go beyond our grade, so this was it. With the final exams coming up, I knew I had to finish with a bang. And when the exams actually arrived, I did not just want to pass—I had to win. And win, I did. Along with Siddanta, I topped the school, getting the highest marks in the entire school.
That victory, the joy of beating her in her best area was the true revenge of my first rejection. That is when it dawned on me that my love for Arika had ended just there and would only be a beautiful memory of once upon a time. The victory was sweet. Finally, I realized that some things, like love, couldn't be fixed with achievements. But it was enough. It was my closure, my goodbye to my first love.