"Ah-ha, nice, another win!"
"Teammates are actually reliable."
A few rounds of gaming later, half the day was already gone.
"Gurgle—" His stomach growled. Zhang Que rubbed his belly. Ever since summer break started, he'd been holed up at home for days, surviving on takeout. Today, he'd been so engrossed in gaming he forgot to order. Reluctantly, he put down his phone, walked to the door, glanced back, hesitated, glanced back again, then—snatch—grabbed his phone and bolted.
Zhang Que sat on a park bench, munching on a big bag of snacks. The area was nearly empty. Little did he know, danger was approaching.
In the depths of space, a violet-glowing meteor hurtled toward Earth.
The light in the sky grew larger, brighter.
"Holy crap, a shooting star! Gotta make a wish!" Zhang Que clasped his hands. "Grant me a girlfriend, a bombshell girlfriend—big boobs, no brains, curvy in all the right places, fair skin, pretty face, thick eyebrows, big eyes, sweet young wife, loaded with cash!"
After his wish, he looked up—only to see the light growing larger, heading straight for him. "Oh fck, I'm done for! Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't take care of you in your old age! I—AHHH—"*
The meteor turned Zhang Que into minced meat.
Dumbass News Report: Last night, a massive meteor struck a local park. Fortunately, no casualties were reported.
(Male lead excluded.) DEAD.
THE END.
...
...
"I—I'm alive?!" Zhang Que sat bolt upright. "Wasn't I just pulverized by a meteor? Guess handsome guys really do have nine lives—fortune favors the pretty!"
He pulled out his phone. No signal. Dammit. All around him was dense forest.
"Great. Survived a disaster only to starve to death in the wild. Perfect." He froze in despair.
"Oh ho, young man, giving up so soon?" A voice echoed out of nowhere.
"Auditory hallucination?" Zhang Que rubbed his head.
"Kid, you're not hallucinating."
"Holy sht, a ghost?! Heaven and earth, spirits and demons, scram! Amitabha!"*
"..."
"Of all people to smash, it had to be you."
"Wait, I died… and YOU killed me?!" Utter confusion.
"Mhm. Getting crushed by the Super Invincible Ultimate VIP Supreme Overlord Most Badass System Ever is a blessing in disguise!"
"⊙_⊙ Dude, how is being flattened a blessing? Wait—system? What the hell?"
"You died from the impact, but your body revived in the Wu Ling Continent. And since I'm the most badass system, of course I'm gonna make sure you have a blast! 😉"
"That name… am I gonna cultivate now?! ⊙_⊙ What's your function?"
"OP starter pack, one-hit 9999 damage, gear drops everywhere, instant profits, instant recycling—I'm the Trash System, come at me, bro!"
"... Damn, that's some next-level sales pitch. So, play the pig to eat the tiger, start overpowered, let enemies think I'm weak, then—hehehe." Zhang Que grinned slyly.
"Hehehe, you catch on quick, my dude."
"Since you're the 'most badass system,' how about a starter gift bag? Y'know, for goodwill?" Zhang Que rubbed his hands.
"Well… you know how it is. The strongest systems gotta have limits. If you want stuff, you gotta top up and buy it. So, 'gift bags'… you get it. (￣∇￣)"
"... Fine, show me the shop." A blue orb materialized in front of him, projecting a screen.
"Behold, young one! The Ultimate Chad Phone—only 998! The Heartbreak Palm Technique—just 888! Healing potions—889! Don't just stare, BUY!"
"⊙_⊙ Confess! Who sent you? Walmart or AliExpress?!" Zhang Que pointed accusingly.
"Kid, I've seen your type. You can't afford squat. Go rob some spirit stones first."
<< SYSTEM NOTICE >>
Scanning highest cultivation level in this realm…
Result: Nascent Soul Stage 9.
Setting trash-tier level: Nascent Soul Peak.
Equipment: None.
Medicine: None.
Spirit Beasts: None.
Final Verdict: Three-Nothing Product.
"Good luck, kid."
"Got killed for no reason, now I gotta start from scratch. Fine! I'm a man with ambitions—I'll get rich overnight! A wonderful life begins NOW!" Zhang Que angrily chomped on a steamed bun he'd bought with a system loan.
"Oi, there's a campfire over there! Let's go!" With a leap, he charged toward the light.
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Glossary
Characters:
Zhang Que (张缺) – Protagonist; a gaming-obsessed college student turned cultivator. Name implies "lack" (缺), humorously contrasting his eventual OP status.
Cultivation Terms:
Wu Ling Continent (五灵大陆) – "Five Spirits Continent"; the new world MC is reborn into.
Spirit stones (灵石) – Currency/energy source for cultivators (lingshi in pinyin).
Nascent Soul Stage (元婴境) – A high-tier cultivation realm (9th level = peak).
System Jargon:
Trash System (渣渣系) – A self-deprecating yet OP cheat system (Zha Zha System in pinyin).
Three-Nothing Product (三无产品) – Slang for "no skills, no gear, no backing."
Misc:
Amitabha (阿弥陀佛) – Buddhist chant used here comically to ward off "ghosts."
Ultimate Chad Phone (真牛皮手机) – Satirical in-game item name ("niu pi" = "bullskin," slang for "awesome").