"And those who were seen dancing, were thought to be crazy, by those who could not hear the music." A quote by Friedrich Nietzsche.
I think I like this quote.
Watching all the cars on the highway as their lights zoom by.
I have never really been one for philosophy, but I think I get what he was trying to say.
Simply put, it means...
...Perspective matters
The bridge from which I had jumped, grows more distant, the wind blowing through my brown parted hair, as I get one last view of the horizon, my green eyes reflect the countless colors that fill my periphery as I fall towards the zooming highway.
But no matter how many times I try, time and time again this world won't let me be reincarnated... and this time was no exception.
By miraculously sad odds, I'm not hit by a single car as I roll onto the highway.
Lying on my back in the middle of the highway, I stare up at the stars.
Against impossible chances, the cars avoid me.
Some may say I'm incredibly lucky. But... is it luck if its preventing an end to the pain?
With a sigh I begin to reflect.
How did it come to this? What is the meaning of life?... Alright maybe thats too far back, but it actually has to do with the reason this whole thing began.
To answer my own question, life is… a tiring rat race, an emotionless, pointless, cycle, on this big wide speck called earth. We all must find way of coping with our own existence.
I reach out, as though grabbing for the stars themselves. suddenly I'm deafened by the horns of nearby truckers swirve by.
And then there are those of us who are dreamers. lost, not sure what it is we're actually chasing, never happy with this cycle, looking for a moment, however brief, for…
"Solace."
Getting up, I pat myself off, cars zoom past me, the wind they create like an evening breeze.
I'm not sure why I was monologuing to myself. Perhaps just to hear a voice, someone to listen to my thought's. To who? god? The stars? Or maybe just myself? like my own twisted form of therapy.
Making my way off the highway, I find an empty patch of grass on the side of the road. The cars zoom by; sitting there, I become jealous of all of these people.
"They all are rushing towards something, their goals, their futures. Yet, here I sit... stagnant"
It was 3 years ago. After becoming bored with life I turned to entertainment like many others to find a placebo comfort.
For me, anime was an escape, stories of an epic journey with found friends. A journey to fight evil, slaying demons and dragons, and becoming a hero. It was the perfect way to expel feeling into my fantasy's… fantasies... that sounds redundant.
Every time I watched the credits roll down the screen, I was dragged back into the dismal reality of the life I lived. The boring days of drifting, like a cloud, never finding my journey.
But, I was never one to wallow in sorrow, so... I got to work.
Training day and night, learning boxing, sword fighting, working out. Pushing my reflexes so I could dodge bullets, lifting weights to swing mountain-crushing swords, boxing to sting like a bee, it was never enough.
After 6 years of working out 365 days a year - *Warning! don't do this, it will have inverse effects*
"I was ready!"
But I didn't know where to start!!! There was no demon king, no harem waiting for me, and no magic I could use!
I came to realize It wasn't me anymore. It was the world that was boring.
But what could I do? It's not like I could mold the world into what I wanted.
After watching countless shows to figure out how to progress, the answer became simple.
"A change of scenery!" I shouted standing on the highway, arms out as though awaiting a hug from an oncoming semi.
At that moment, I believed with every fiber of my being, that this was the solution to my problems...all of them.
A truck was barreling straight towards me. Yet, I did not cower nor fear, only smiled.
"Hello, new world!"
Alas, my greeting went unanswered, as the truck swerved out of the way at the last second, honking their deafening horn.
...
Standing there out of breath with wide eyes, I attempt to recover from nearly dying.
"Holy shit! That was terrifying!"
But...even after this initial intentional near-death experience, I continued onward; each attempt no closer than the last.
After 99 other attempts all failed...
And due to a certain girl named Raze pitying my patheticness.
I... gave up
Unable to stop wondering.
What if everything I'm going through is preparing me for what I asked for?