"Is this JUST a coincidence?"
-That day-
Everything is weird, recently I have been feeling disoriented?? uncomfortable?? ... Probably the effects of stress, having a lot of patients recently is pretty stressful, sure, but most of these patients have something in common, they have been affected by the recent two cases.
Being a psychologist is not that easy, yeah, I studied and worked hard for this because studying law and becoming a lawyer is wayyyy more stressful and harder, but honestly, every job is hard, no matter if they pay a lot or not, but that's how life works now I guess... I wonder... What would have happened if these recent gruesome cases didn't happen? Would I gain less money? Probably yeah, but I didn't become a psychologist just for the money, i became one to help others, because I don't want people to go through similar stuff that happened to me when I was a child.
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Trauma. That's the thing here, most of the people coming in are affected, HIGHLY affected by the recent cases that happened in this city, one of the most traumatic case was where a body was found with petals where the human heart should be, missing 3 limbs, with a text craved into the stomach saying "regret".
Am I intrigued? Yes. Am I amused? OBVIOUSLY. Do I feel bad? ... probably.
I knew the victim, she was someone that fucked me up in middle school, causing me to go non verbal and isolated.
When I first saw her and her friends, I thought they were nice people, but that ended up being not true. I regretted ever being "close" to them, they made me feel horrible, looking feminine and being seen as a quiet kid wasn't good those days, they would act as my friends and treat me nicely, but when I wasn't with them they would talk badly about me, one day, they started to physically and verbally abusing me. I mean its morally wrong to think a person deserved such a death but...why should I feel bad if she made me suffer so much?
The crime scene was brutal.
"I was just, trying out a method a friend a told me... Taking long walks listening to my favorite music. And then.."
Liang Xiuying takes a deep breath, with teary eyes.
"I... I saw it...a dead body, it was horrible, I.. I broke down immediately...I cried so much... The sight...it made me sick..."
As she tells me this, she tries her best to not cry, she doesn't know anything about the case, but she saw the body, she doesn't even know who it was, but, seeing such thing made her more insecure about going outside, leaving her with zero ways to cope.
This patient isn't a new one though, she attends often because of her suicide attempts, she always fails tho, kinda reminds me of when i was younger, but the problem is that she is getting SA'd by her teacher, and bullied by her ex friend.
She cant handle it, she has bruises in her body, she feels nasty, absolutely disgusted and repulsed by HERSELF, it isn't her fault.
Ahhh if only those adults could just disappear...
Even if that means that they end up dead.
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Liang Xiuying.
"Hmm how many are these... One, two...four...eight... Eight should work right...."
----------------·
"HEYYY YING!!!" Liang Xiuying looks back at whos calling her
"Ah, how are you? I didn't even see you"
"Great!! SO AMAZING YOU KNOW??? AHH I CONFESSED TO HIM AND HE SAID YES!!!" Said her best friend excitedly
"WOAH WOAH THERE..."
"Hehe!! Ill introduce you to him after!!! I hope we all get along quickly so we can hangout together, right Ying? Ahhh... My best friend and my boyfriend hangout with me that sounds so fun and amazing!!!"
" Yeah, as long as you are happy, i will also be happy.."
.....right
Will I really?
My family doesnt cares about me, all i have is you, but...
Ah, whatever.
·····..\\ / .-.. .. -.- . \\ / -.-- --- ..- ·······
Why is studying so hard now? Ah, I cant focus, my head hurts so much...
As I go to grab a thermometer, I drop to the floor.
Right, I didn't take care of myself lately huh... Not even my family cares about me anyways
She is my savior...she is the only one that cares about me, she is really a good person.
But why is she my friend? Why does she care about me? Why is she so nice to me? ...
As I go to school, I see her with...a guy? Ah, right. Her new boyfriend...the person she is dating. We made eye contact. Well that's weird...
"AH!! YING THERE YOU ARE!!!"
"Hi, how are you doing?" I say with a fake smile
"GREAT ALSO, THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND!! AHHH FINALLY YOU TWO MEET!!!" She says laughing happily.
"Hi nice to meet you, Liang Xiuying, she spoke a lot about you, saying how nice you were and pretty"
"...hi." I hate this. I dont think this is going to go well...
His gaze towards me is...weird, as if he was interested in me, he is tall, he has short dark hair...looks like a total scumbag too, how can she date someone like this? He even ACTS like a player, what did she see in him????? I don't understand this, I DONT UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS????
Ah, whatever gotta go to class.
As i make my way to class, i feel someone walking behind me.
"Hey Liang Xiuying" UGH, ITS HIM.
"Yeah?" I say 'nicely'
"Hey can we exchange numbers? You know, if someone bad happens to her i could call you for help."
"Yeah alright." I sigh, trying my best to not look annoyed.
---------
As days go by, he messages me often, asking how i am, what im doing, what i like, what food i enjoy.
"UGH HE IS SO ANNOYING WHY IS HE ASKING *ME* THESE QUESTIONS???"
Ah, whatever, just. Some. Days. Until. Winter. Vacation. Starts. Just. Some. More. Days. Only. A. Little.
While walking, i hear my mother and my father talking, they are talking about... pregnancy?? Ah, i see how it is, they are going to have a baby, right... They dont care about me because im a girl and not a boy...
If only i wasnt born.
If only i was dead.
If only...
.....
Last day of school. Finally, i can sleep more and rest after today, ahhh it feels soo amazing.
When i arrive at the gates, that guy pulls me over to an empty spot in school, rushing me.
"Hey what are you doing." With an annoyed tone.
"I need to talk to you." He says quickly.
"Just say it." Whats wrong with him??
....
Why is he so quiet now....
"Actually... Im only dating her because i wanted to be closer to you, she is not the person i like, i actually like you, Liang Xiuying." He says while cupping my face with his hands and going in for a kiss.
He is strong. I cant pull him off, this is disgusting. Truly disgusting. I hate this. Get off me. LEAVE ME.
"HEY WHAT ARE YOU BOTH DOING???? LIANG XIUYING?!"
He finally sets me free, ignoring what she is saying.
He tells her what he did, that he only dated her to get closer to me.
No. Nononono this cant be happening. No. Why. Just why. You are ruining everything. Why me? WHY HER? WHY WOULD YOU HURT HER????
Her face is filled with tears. She approaches me and slaps me.
"YOU SLUT, I TRUSTED YOU, I SAW YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND. YOU FUCKING WHORE."
I... Drop to the floor.
What is this.
Why does my heart hurt so much???
Why. why. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY.
"I wish i never met you, Liang Xiuying."
What? Nononono you got it all wrong!!! Is what i wanted to say but the words wouldnt get out, my throat...i cant say a word. Im... Crying? My face stings, tears rolling down.
While I enter the class, she doesn't even looks at me, completely avoiding me, her make up is smeared, it hurts. It hurts to see her like this. Why did this happen. Why? She is the only one i have in my life and now she avoids me??? I hate all of this, i should have skipped school today, my parents wouldnt even care if i skipped. I regret coming to school today.
As soon as the bell rings, i approach her, desperately.
"Wait! Its all a misunderstanding!!"
"Get out of my way. I dont have anything to say to you. Actually, i dont even wanna hear your voice."
Huh? What, but... You loved my voice, whenever we would go to a karaoke you would always say my voice was your favorite thing in the whole world.
Nononono this cant be true.
I immediately went to my bedroom to call her, message her, everywhere, but she wouldnt pick up, she blocked me. She even deleted me from her picture. Even my initial.
No...its all over.
Everything is over.
I....
Its all my fault.
Everything is my fault.
I shouldnt have lived.
I should just die.
I need to die.
Theres no reason for me to live anymore.
I try and try to search for ANYTHING that could kill me.
But i only found...eight pills?
" Eight. That should probably do it."
As i swallow, one pill got stuck on my throat.
It hurts. It hurts so much.
I scream and i scream for a long time.
I cant get it out.
Its stuck.
.....my mother came in.
"Dear??? Whats wrong??? DEAR???? DARLING COME HERE QUICK!"
.....why is she...here....
I wake up in a cold sweat.
Im... In a hospital??, white walls, beds... Curtains...?
Yeah, hospital.
"LIANG XIUYING, WHAT HAPPENED???" its my mom. My...mom?
"YOU ARE FINALLY AWAKE...IM SORRY. IM SO SORRY FOR NEVER GIVING YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION. IM SO SORRY, ITS MY FAULT"
"m...mom..." My throat hurts, it hurts to speak.
"I already got you a psychologist, i dont know what happened, i dont know whats the reason behind all of this but..maybe you wont tell me, i get it. I was a negligent mother, never gave you anything, but...you can speak to this psychologist, they will help you, you can talk to them when you are ready...please dont do this again dear.."
Ah, i forgot. I tried to kill myself, it didnt work huh.