A loud crack echoed as a whip lashed across a bright TV screen. A screech followed - the death cry of a vampire caught at the end of that whip. Trevor Belmont stood tall in a crumbling cathedral, bloodied but unbeaten. His cloak was torn to shreds as dust settled around him. He said something gruff and cool - the kind of line that only worked if you were both animated and absurdly attractive.
The camera panned across the wreckage as rain poured through shattered stained-glass windows. Gothic. Dramatic. Totally awesome.
Man… I wish I was that cool
The screen flickered slightly as the sounds of vampire slaying gave way to the gentle crinkle of wax paper being peeled back.
Zoom out: a bao bun, steaming and soft, lifted ever so reverently from its wrapper.
Zoom out further: a small, cluttered apartment. A typical NEET scene — clothes half-folded (or more likely, luckily tossed) into a pile on a chair, a pair of socks hanging haphazardly off a shelf, and a glowing laptop screen half-buried under a ramen bowl.
On the screen, a job site blinked: "Recommended: Junior Marketing Analyst – Entry Level. Apply Now?"
No, thank you.
One bite of bao bun later, the TV showed the vampire hunter kicking down a door.
He watched as Belmont charged headfirst into another hopeless battle. Tired, beaten, and bloodied — but still carrying on like a champ.
I'd trade places in a heartbeat.
His phone buzzed. Another rejection email.
"After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that…"
"Bullshit."
He turned the phone over and finished the last of the bao bun.
He reached for another.
"Mmmh. At least you never let me down, you sweet bundle of joy."
Later…
The city was loud. Cars. Crosswalk beeps. Pigeons plotting something shady from their perch on a power line.
He clutched the warm bag to his chest as though it were filled with long-lost treasure.
Just a few more blocks, and the sweet taste of peanut-filled bao buns would be ripe for eating.
But as with all good things… plot-kun had other ideas.
"Hey, it's actually you, isn't it?"
He froze.
No. Please, God, no. Please let that be for someone else.
He turned - slowly, cautiously - like a man who had entered a boss battle without stocking up on healing potions.
There she was.
Maya Tanaka.
Same ponytail. Same sharp eyes. Same confident vibe that made him feel like a Wi-Fi signal trying to connect to a network ten leagues out of range.
She stepped closer, blinking against the car headlights passing by.
"It is you, from high school. You remember me, right?"
He nodded way too fast. "Y-yeah… Maya."
"That's me!" she grinned. "It's been a few years now, hasn't it? What are you up to these days?"
"I-uh… just got some bao buns."
"Oh, that's right. You were… are… obsessed with those things. Did you get the peanut ones?"
"Fresh out of the oven! Heh-heh."
She glanced at the bag.
"That's great!" She adjusted her bag over her shoulder. "Well, it was great to catch up. I gotta run or I'll miss the bus. Take care, alright?"
She was already halfway down the street before he remembered to breathe.
I swear, I get pity points every time I talk to her.
He stepped forward onto the crosswalk, face burning a new shade of red, somehow brighter than the stoplight that had just turned green.
He stepped forward.
And Then—
A screech.
A deep humming roar.
Ten tons of metal. Speed.
Everything sideways.
He never saw her coming. Not Maya. Not destiny. And definitely not Truck-Chan.
At least… I still have my bao buns…
…I think?
Then: black.