I hate this world, so I escape into others—anime, light novels, manga, video games. Even in my own mind, I create worlds to disappear into.
…
I'm kaito shinzuki. I'm fifteen years old.
I live alone,
I dont go outside much,
I don't go to school,
And I only have one friend.
I'm the definition of a loser.
…
There was a boy that looked about 16 years old dressed in all black clothing as if he were trying to hide his identity.
He had dark brown eyes that almost seemed black,
And his hair was as dark as the night.
He was leaning against a beam in a subway.
He looked as though he was waiting for someone.
"Hey Suzaku!" I called out walking out of the train.
Suzaku stayed expressionless. He stopped leaning against the beam and started walking toward me.
"What's up Suzaku, it's been awhile since we hung out IRL, huh?"
With His expression, still blank. He said "...yeah… it has" his voice was raspy and quiet.
He was normally more energetic. Guess he isn't feeling it today. We were walking somewhere, I didn't know where, he just called me here to hang out.
"Are we going to the arcade?"
"...Yeah… that ok with you?"
"That's fine," I said awkwardly.
Something was wrong. Suzaku wasn't himself. Normally, he'd be grinning, rambling about a new game or anime, but today… he was silent. His hands wouldn't stop fidgeting, and he kept glancing away, like he couldn't bear to look me in the eye.
We arrived at the arcade without speaking a single word.
"We're here," suzaku said. His eyes, void of any emotion.
"Suzaku"
"What?"
"Are you ok?" his eye flinched.
"I'm fine," he said in a stern voice.
We went into the arcade and reached the front counter.
"I'm guessing I'm paying like always?"
"No, I'll pay this time…"
What? He never paid. This isn't like him, he's normally a good for nothing mooch. He never pays for anything. What's going on?
We started playing games but it looked like he wasn't having fun.
After the arcade we went to the train station.
He was leaving first, and I accompanied him to the doors of the train.
"Bye suzaku"
"Bye kaito" he said as the train doors slid closed.
The way he said goodbye sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't know why, but it sounded like he meant the goodbye.
Like he would never see me again.
…
Three weeks had passed. suzaku wouldn't answer his phone, and he wasn't online either.
"Is he ok?" i said to myself
Ding, my phone got a notification. I picked up my phone expecting nothing important.
"Suzaku?" I said out loud.
Suzaku had texted me,
"Kaito this text is scheduled so don't expect a response. I want you to know that you were my best friend and that I had fun hanging out with you. I hope you live a long and wonderful life. This is goodbye"
My jaw dropped. What's going on? Is he moving? Why would the text be scheduled?
Then it hit me. I remembered how odd he was acting when we hung out a few weeks ago, and how he wasn't online, and how he wouldn't answer any calls.
As soon as I realized what was going on, I grabbed my wallet and bolted to the train station. Once there I realized that there were no trains headed towards Suzaku's town. So I started to run there, it was far away but I didn't care. I ran for what felt like a marathon.
I finally made it there and started banging on the door. Bang bang bang
"Suzaku!"
I knocked on the door for what felt like ages.
The only things going though my were,
Am I too late? Is this a misunderstanding? What should I do?
My head was a mess, I couldn't think straight.
I started to jiggle the doorknob.
"Suzaku! Answer the damn door!"
My head was swimming in a haze not knowing what to do, until.
"The mat, the doormat!"
I searched frantically under the doormat for a key, until my eyes traced around a silver coin. No, a silver key!
My hands were shaking as I was trying to unlock the door. As soon as it was unlocked I swung the door open, and dashed to Suzaku's room.
Suzaku's family was well off. His house was bigger than the average house and it was almost spotless. It had five bedrooms, one of which was a guest bedroom.
Suzaku's room was at the very end of the hall right across from his older brother's room. Come to think of it, where was his family? Oh yeah he was talking about how they went to go see family that lived six towns over, but he didn't want to go since he didn't know the family that well.
I raced to the end of the hall and stopped at Suzaku's door. I took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. I started to open the door slowly, the creek of the door was the only sound I heard.
Then I saw suzaku, standing there silently.
Was he ok? Was this a misunderstanding? Relief washed over me. Tears started to well in my eyes.
"I was so worried suzaku i thought yo-"
His feet dangled inches above the ground.
The rope bit into his throat, his head tilted slightly to the side, like he had fallen asleep that way.
My stomach lurched. I wanted to scream, to run, to do anything—but all I could do was sink to the floor, my breath coming in shallow gasps. my hands were behind my back propping me up.
I just sat there, staring for what felt like an hour, unable to move. His lifeless, rotting corpse swayed slightly, filling the room with a putrid stench.
"Bleeeehh"
It smelt so bad I puked.
After a while, I gathered the strength to get up and call an ambulance. While I was waiting I heard a car park outside.
I assumed it was the ambulance so I rushed outside.
But when I walked out to the driveway I wasn't met with the ambulance, I was met with Suzaku's family car.
Suzaku's mom locked eyes with me and went pale. She ran out of the car and asked
"Is suzaku okay?!"
I broke eye contact and looked down. I noticed that my hands were trembling.
She seemed to get the idea.
"No…" she cried.
She ran past me, headed inside.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!, MY BAAAABYYY!!!"
She screamed and cried.
Suzaku's father rushed inside as soon as he heard that. But I didn't hear a scream from him, I just heard a loud thud, I assume he collapsed on his knees.
Suzaku's big brother rushed over to me, then grabbed my shoulders.
"What's going on?!"
I hesitated…
"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" He shook my shoulders.
It seems his parents kept him in the dark.
"Suzaku…he's-"
"HE'S WHAT?!"
He already pieced it together, tears started to stream down his face. But he wanted to know for sure.
"He's…gone…"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONE?!" he cried
"Dead"
He broke down crying, falling to his knees.
I spotted the ambulance down the street.
Their cries crashed into me like waves, each scream tightening the grip around my chest, making it harder to breathe.
I couldn't take it anymore.
"It's all your fault," Suzaku's brother muttered.
He stood up and grabbed me by the collar.
"It's all your fault! You were here this whole time, you didn't think to check on your friend!!" he yelled
That stabbed me straight in the heart.
"You're not even crying, what kind of friend doesn't even shed a tear for their friend's death!!!" spit flew out of his mouth as he screamed at me.
I reached up to feel my eyes. He was right, there wasn't a single tear coming out.
He punched me in the face, but I didn't feel it. I don't know why, but my face was completely numb.
He threw me to the ground, but I didn't even try to protect my head. I smacked my head against the concrete, but once more I didn't feel anything.
By the time the ambulance showed up I started to walk, I don't know where I just started walking.
As I was walking the only thoughts going through my head were, it's my fault, i noticed something was up but I did nothing. What if I were to do something to act on my instincts? Would he still be alive?. Those thoughts looped in my head until…
I reached a bridge.
I walked up to the guard rails and looked out.
There was a street below the bridge.
As long as I go head first…
I climbed up on the rail and stood on the other side.
I looked down and…
I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I climbed the rails again, back on to the bridge.
I sat against the rails and sobbed until tears wouldn't come out.
…
It was night now, but I didn't know what time it was though. I left my phone at suza- i mean the izumi's house.
I was lost in thought sitting on the ground, until I saw someone start to climb over the rails across the street. My legs moved on their own, I started to sprint across the street.
"DON'T DO IT!!" i yelled
He looked at me and…
He let go.
I stopped in the middle of the street, shock wouldn't let me move. Then I realized something, that man that I just saw…
was Suzaku's big brother.
Headlights swallowed my vision. A horn blared. I looked to my right, and saw a truck, but my feet wouldn't move. Maybe I wanted this. Maybe I didn't. But in the end, it didn't matter.
I hate this world i hate it
"CRASH" the truck had hit me.
So… warm
So… tired