"In love's embrace, where whispers softly bloom, secrets reside, a hidden, tender room. A language unspoken, a feeling deep and true, love's secrets linger, just for me and you. "
Unknown
Oh, how i wish there was a reality where I had money or married into a rich family, so I never have to worry about how my bills would be paid. Everything has become so difficult these days. Things have skyrocketed in every category, rent is high, bills are high, groceries are high, and even transportation. It's been paycheck to paycheck and not enough pocket money to enjoy on myself, I can not live like this.
"Are you sure you don't want to try going for a different job, mija? " mom asked with a concerned expression on her face.
"Mama, we had this conversation already, I'm ok where I am right now. It's not too far from the apartment, I get discounts on the groceries there, it has helped us a lot in certain areas."
"I know Melia, but I just think you're set for greater things. Working at a supermarket is just weighing you down."
"I hear you, Mama, but as I said, this job is convenient for me right now. Eventually, someday, I'll venture off into new waters, but for now, it's saver to stay close to the familiar shore."
"Dios Mio, please help my stubborn daughter to see her true potential and stop wasting her talent away. You're so good at design. You have a full degree in fashion, go out and creat."
"Do you understand how competitive the fashion industry is? It's not something you just go out and do and make it big. Doesn't matter how good you are."
I had a time when my passion for fashion was through the roof. I felt like I could create any beautiful design that would capture the eyes of some top-notch fashion designer and one day develop a partnership with them. I was excelling in all my classes and even graduated top of my class at the end of my program. I was filled with too much pride, you may say. There was an opening runway where graduates got to showcase their design with the chance of maybe being noticed and signed by the guest designer. I was so excited and put all my hard work in every piece, spent all my savings buying expensive materials and going all out, just for my hopes to be shattered like broken glass.
"You call this fashion, I wouldn't even let my dead grandmother be buried in these rags."
Those words snatched the joy I had. The light was taken from me and left a hallow deep shell. My confidence fled like a shameful puppy tucking its tail between its legs. My heart sunk and ached as I grabbed my chest, feeling as if someone had just stabbed me in my heart. The room went black, just an empty void as whispers of despair echoed.
"Are we done here. If this is all you have to show, then I must say I'm not at all impressed." The designer loathed at me and then walked away.
I've never felt so belittled in my entire life. He even managed to make me feel disgusted of myself. I know I was told the fashion world can be brutally unkind, but I just witnessed a murder and the victim was me.
"You can't let what someone said to you cut you down completely mija, when someone says negative thing to you, you don't show defeat. You rise up and prove to them you're more than what they think of you." My mother walks over to me and gives me a hug. "I know you're great at what you do, and one day, someone will recognize that." She kisses me on the forehead.
"Thank you for the encouragement, Mama, but really, I'm comfortable with the job I have for now. I don't get insulted, and everyone is so nice."
"You're settling because you're scared to face the challenges out there. A lot of opportunities will pass you because you coward away." She says while going to sit at the kitchen table. "Don't make the same mistakes I did. If I could go back and chase my dreams I would, but then I think I would of never had you, so I'm greatful, but I made a promise that I'll never let my child not chase after what she wants and deserves."
"I have to go to work mom, if I stay any longer, I'm going to be late. I'll see you later for dinner."
"Be careful on the road and watch out for the pendejos!"
"Aye, Mama, language." I smiled at her.
I know my mom means well, but I don't think she understands. That day traumatized me. It's like a stain that never comes out. I still have nightmares. If I even look at fabric or even a needle, all I hear is a small voice in my head saying, "Don't even think about it", "You really think you have what it takes?", "Who do you think you're fooling? You heard what was said. Your designs are rags. " It brings me to tears every time. Something that I loved to do has now become my trauma. What used to be my biggest strength is now my weakness. I hate that, I hate it so much that I feel like I want to throw up every time I think about it. I damn that designer for stealing my dreams from me and just throwing it in the trash as if it meant nothing, and I hate myself for not doing anything about it, but what could I do? Argue with a high prestige designer about why my pieces were beautiful and what a pendejo he was. I was a kitten in the presence of a lion. My little meow is nothing but a joke to his mighty roar. I was left with no choice but to shamefully stay in my lane. There's no way I was any match for him. Doesn't make sense wasting away about it now. What happened happened, and that's that.
"Hey Melia, you up for going to Barnes and Nobles at lunch today? They have some new deliveries that I want to check out." Samantha squeals in excitement.
"I don't know, I kinda want those 30 minutes as over time." I said while restocking the avocados.
"Come ooonnn, you always do over time. Just this once, plleeaassee?"
She looks at me with her bright puppy eyes and pouted lips. She comes closer and closer, not accepting defeat.
"Fine, I'll go."
"Yes!"
"But just this once, I need those over time."
"That's ok, I just really would love the company today. There's this new book out that everyone has been going crazy about, and I want to give it a try."
"What's it about?"
"I'm not going to tell you. You're going to have to read it for yourself. I'll even buy you a copy if you like."
"No, no, there's no need for that."
"It's totally fine, I don't mind at all. You finally said yes to spending lunch break with me, so it's my treat."
Samantha has been one of the nicest people here at Niño supermarket, and we quickly became good friends. She's a book worm, but she enjoys reading smutty romances and always tells me how much she wished to be the characters in her books so she could get man handled. I would say she has a few loose screws but that's the reason I like having her around. She's funny and spontaneous, something I need in my life.
"So I'll be waiting in the parking lot at 12:30, I'll drive us there. I'm so excited, thank you for coming with me meilly."
Meilly is a nick name she gave me. I don't necessarily like it but no matter how much I've told her not to call me that, she just ignores me so I allow it. I just hope she doesn't lose track of the time like she usual does and have us late for work.