My Life is a Cosmic Joke
My name is Belly Martin. I am 17 years old, a high school student, and my life is a tragic comedy written by a drunk god.
Bad luck doesn't just follow me—it's legally adopted me. I'm so unlucky that people avoid me like I'm some kind of plague. Even my own dad abandoned me when I was five. He left a note saying:
> **"Son, I have met a young man named Goofy. He wants to become the King of Pirates. I must help him find the legendary Two Piece. Goodbye."**
At first, I thought it was a joke. Then I saw the news:
**"Local Man Arrested for Kidnapping a Child and Attempting to Escape on a Boat."**
There was a blurry image of my dad, wearing a straw hat, dramatically pointing at the ocean like he was about to start an anime opening. A crying kid stood next to him, clutching a Pokémon lunchbox.
I read further.
**"Eyewitnesses say the suspect shouted, 'THIS KID HAS POTENTIAL! JOIN MY CREW!' before attempting to board a small fishing boat. He was immediately tackled by three officers and detained. The child was unharmed."**
I just… sat there, staring at the article.
**My father had tried to 'recruit' a random kid into a nonexistent pirate crew.**
And got **arrested for attempted kidnapping.**
I realized something in that moment.
**I was better off without him.**
Fast forward 12 years, and my life still sucked. No friends. No girlfriend. No job.
When I applied for a part-time position at a convenience store, the building **burned down before I even walked in.** The police didn't even question me. They just handed me a restraining order and told me to stay **100 meters away from all government buildings.**
So, I just stayed in my room, drinking expired tea, reading manga, and mumbling to myself.
*"Man, I wish I could get isekai'd like those protagonists… You know, get hit by Truck-kun and sent to a fantasy world with OP powers—"*
VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
I blinked.
A **flying truck** was heading straight for me.
**FLYING.**
It honked. **In mid-air.**
*"EXCUSE ME?!"*
BOOOOOOOOOOM.
---
### **Welcome to Another World, You Unlucky Bastard**
The first thing I noticed when I woke up was:
**Wow, the afterlife smells expensive.**
The second thing I noticed was:
**OW, MY F***ING FACE.**
"Wake up, you disgraceful filth!"
A sharp slap rocked my cheek.
I opened my eyes to see a silver-haired noble girl with enough tsundere energy to fuel an entire anime convention.
"You disgusting worm!" she spat.
I blinked. **"…Huh?"**
"Don't act dumb!"
She turned and pointed dramatically.
I followed her finger.
A **crowd of fancy NPC-looking people** stood around me, their faces twisted in disgust.
My brain rebooted.
Stone streets. Old buildings. Weird clothes.
I had seen this place before.
No. No no no.
**This was a game.**
A stupid fantasy RPG I played once. The same game I **rage-quit after 20 minutes** because it was too hard.
My soul left my body.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Took a deep breath.
Then muttered, *"God, I know you hate me. But WHY LIKE THIS?!"*
---
### **The System Is Here to Mock Me**
**A notification appeared.**
> **[New Skill Unlocked: Reality Betrayal]**
> "Congratulations! The universe has officially abandoned you!"
I froze. Then reread it.
Then reread it **again.**
**"…WHAT KIND OF USELESS SKILL IS THIS?!"**
The tsundere girl slapped me again.
"Stop yelling! You are in the presence of Lady Eleanor of the Holy Kingdom!"
I stared at her.
Then the **4th wall shattered.**
**[Character Introduction: Eleanor]**
*A silver-haired noble girl. The "main heroine." Probably a tsundere. Has a tragic backstory. You skipped it.*
I squinted.
**"This is an RPG, isn't it?"**
Eleanor scoffed. **"Of course not, peasant."**
A **tutorial tip** popped up.
> **[Tutorial Tip: She's Lying.]**
I clenched my fists. Then looked at the sky.
*"AUTHOR! I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING! WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU PLANNING FOR ME?!"*
Somewhere in another dimension, the author took a sip of tea.
And smirked.
---
### **Let the Misunderstandings Begin**
Eleanor crossed her arms and glared at me like I had just insulted her entire bloodline.
"You really have no shame, do you?" she said.
I blinked. **"What did I even do?"**
The crowd gasped.
**Oh no.**
A random noble boy sneered. "You dare act as if you don't remember your crimes?"
I swallowed. **"I—I really don't, actually?"**
A new notification appeared.
> **[Skill Activation: Convince Strike]**
> "Even when you tell the truth, people will believe whatever is most dramatic."
Eleanor's eyes widened.
"You… You're trying to act like you don't even remember?! Are you mocking Lady Eleanor?!" a girl shrieked.
Another noble gasped. "Could it be? He has **forgotten his sins?!**"
"HOW CONVENIENT!" someone yelled.
I was **so confused** my soul almost left my body.
*"WHAT SINS?! WHAT DID I EVEN DO?!"*
The system pinged again.
> **[Would you like a tutorial?]**
> **[Yes] / [No]**
I jabbed **[YES].**
A wall of text appeared in front of me.
> **Welcome, player! You are now Leon von Edelweiss, an infamously hated noble who was removed from the final game version due to being too unpopular.**
> **You are weak, but everyone believes you are overpowered.**
> **Your reputation is garbage, and any attempt to fix it will result in further misunderstandings.**
> **Good luck!**
I stared blankly.
Then reread it.
Then reread it **again.**
Then I **screamed internally.**
*"I CAN'T EVEN FIX MY REPUTATION?! I'M JUST PERMANENTLY SCREWED?!"*
The system **mockingly pinged.**
> **[Achievement Unlocked: Welcome to Hell!]**
> **"Enjoy your suffering!"**
I was going to cry.
Eleanor took a step forward.
"Listen to me, you disgraceful man," she said coldly. "I will never forgive you."
**FOR WHAT?!**
The crowd cheered at her words.
"Lady Eleanor, you are too kind!"
"He must suffer for his crimes!"
**WHAT CRIMES?!**
I looked at the sky again.
*"GOD, JUST LET THE TRUCK KILL ME NEXT TIME."*
---
### **End of Chapter 1**