Cid walked home, the weight of unspoken words pressing down on him. He replayed the scene in the park, Kiyomi's apology, his own nonchalant dismissal of the history class incident. Why did I lie? he thought, a wave of self-recrimination washing over him. Why couldn't I just tell her how I felt? He had let his fear, and the image of her laughing with Kai, paralyze him. He had convinced himself that he didn't stand a chance, that she was already interested in someone else. He kicked at a loose pebble on the sidewalk, a small outlet for his frustration. He felt like he was trapped in a maze of his own making, unable to find the path that would lead him to Kiyomi.
He reached his house, the setting sun casting long shadows across the lawn. He went inside, the silence of the house amplifying the turmoil in his mind. He went to his room, flopped onto his bed, and stared at the ceiling. He thought about Kiyomi's smile, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about books, the way she had defended him against the bullies. He thought about the note, the way his heart had leaped when he read it. She wanted to talk to me, he thought. She wanted to apologize. But what if that's all she wanted?
He thought back to the park, to Kai. He remembered the easy camaraderie between them, the shared laughter. Kai, he thought. My best friend. How could I even think about… about competing with him? The thought made him feel ashamed, petty. He knew Kai would never intentionally hurt him, but the image of Kiyomi smiling at him, laughing with him, was a constant source of pain.
He got up from his bed and went to his desk. He picked up a pen and a piece of paper, intending to write a letter to Kiyomi, to finally express his feelings. But the words wouldn't come. He stared at the blank page, his mind a jumble of emotions. He wanted to tell her about the way his heart raced when she was near, about the way he admired her courage and her kindness. He wanted to tell her how much he cared about her. But the fear of rejection, the fear of ruining their friendship, held him back.
He crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it into the trash. He sighed, feeling more lost and confused than ever. He knew he couldn't keep avoiding her, couldn't keep pretending that he didn't care. He had to talk to her, to clear the air, to understand what was going on. But how? How could he face her, knowing that she might not feel the same way?
He decided to go for a walk, hoping that some fresh air would clear his head. He walked through the quiet streets, the only sound the gentle rustle of leaves in the evening breeze. He thought about Kiyomi, about Kai, about the note, about the unspoken words that were weighing him down. He realized that he couldn't let his fear control him any longer. He had to be honest with himself, and with Kiyomi. He had to find the courage to tell her how he felt, no matter the outcome.
He returned home, feeling a sense of resolve settling within him. He knew what he had to do. He would talk to Kiyomi, not to confess his love just yet, but to understand. He would find out what the note meant, what she wanted to talk about. He would try to understand her feelings, even if it meant facing a truth he didn't want to hear. He would start by being her friend, the best friend he could be. And maybe, just maybe, that would be enough. For now.
The next day at school, Cid carried a gloomy cloud with him. He went through his usual routine, attending classes, talking to Kai, even cracking a few jokes. But beneath the surface, his mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He kept replaying the scene in the park, the laughter, the shared smiles between Kiyomi and Kai. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had misread the signals, that he had built his hopes on a foundation of sand.
Kai, oblivious to Cid's inner turmoil, clapped him on the back. "Hey, man, you ready for Mr. Ito's history test? I've been cramming all night."
Cid forced a smile. "Yeah, sure. Ready as I'll ever be." He didn't want to burden Kai with his problems, especially not when they involved Kiyomi. He decided to keep his feelings to himself, at least for now.
As Cid walked towards his classroom, he noticed Kiyomi talking to Aiko, a mutual friend. Kiyomi seemed to be glancing in his direction. Aiko, after a brief exchange with Kiyomi, detached herself from the group and approached Cid.
"Cid," Aiko began, a slight smile playing on her lips. "Kiyomi wanted me to tell you that she'd like to talk to you. She said it's important."
Cid's heart did a little flutter. "Oh," he replied, trying to sound casual. "Okay. When?"
"She said after school, same spot as yesterday," Aiko replied.
Cid nodded. "Alright. Thanks, Aiko."
After school, Cid found himself back on the same park bench, a familiar mix of anticipation and nervousness churning in his stomach. He didn't have to wait long. Kiyomi arrived soon after, looking a little less tense than she had the previous day.
"Hey, Cid," she greeted him, her smile warm and genuine.
"Hey," he replied, his voice a little softer than usual.
They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, the gentle breeze rustling the leaves around them.
"So," Kiyomi began, breaking the silence. "I wanted to talk to you about… well, about everything."
Cid nodded, waiting for her to continue.
"I've been so stressed lately," Kiyomi confessed. "Midterms are in three weeks, and I'm freaking out. I feel like I'm drowning in textbooks."
Cid chuckled. "Tell me about it. I'm feeling the pressure too."
Kiyomi laughed, a genuine, light sound that eased some of the tension in the air. "It's good to know I'm not alone," she said. "Kai's been helping me de-stress, actually. He's been making me laugh so much that I almost forget about the exams."
Cid's heart did a small, almost imperceptible clench, but he quickly pushed the thought away. So, that's it, he thought. They're just friends. She's just stressed.
"That's good," he said, forcing a smile. "Kai's a fun guy to be around."
Kiyomi nodded. "He really is. He's been a great friend." She paused, then looked at Cid, her eyes searching his. "I also wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know I was acting a little weird."
Cid shrugged. "It's okay. I understand. Midterms are stressful."
Kiyomi smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Cid. It means a lot."
They talked for a while longer, about school, about friends, about everything and nothing. The awkwardness of the past few days seemed to dissipate, replaced by a comfortable familiarity. Cid found himself relaxing in her company, enjoying her laughter, appreciating her honesty. He realized that he had jumped to conclusions, that he had let his insecurities get the better of him. Kiyomi wasn't seeing Kai romantically; they were just friends, supporting each other through the stress of school. It was a simple misunderstanding, a product of his own overthinking.
As the sun began to set, they gathered their things to leave.
"Thanks for talking to me, Kiyomi," Cid said, a genuine smile spreading across his face.
"No problem, Cid," she replied, her smile mirroring his. "Anytime."
As they walked away, Cid felt a weight lift from his shoulders. The misunderstanding had been cleared up, and he and Kiyomi were back to being friends.
He still had feelings for her, feelings he knew he would have to address eventually. But for now, he was content to be her friend, to be there for her, to support her in any way he could. He knew, with a renewed sense of hope, that he had time. He would just have to be patient.