Back to the present and her current reality Sarah heaved a deep sigh second guessing her decision for the upteenth time wondering if she could turn back the hands of time and undo most of the initial decisions she had made as she could not help but wonder if the results could have been different.
She moved away from the window view one she could not get enough of in the early days when they had moved to the luxury penthouse. Sarah liked to look out of the window to see what New York looked like in the early hours of the day and how things get at night.
This was something she would have to forfeit for now as she mused to herself when she slowly made her way to the kitchen with her glass of red wine twirling in her hands. She took one last gulp before placing her wine glass in the sink with deliberate care.
The silence in the entire apartment had been deafening it became obvious to Sarah how much of no life her space contained. She wondered if she ever tried to have anyone else around and remembered that the house staff had the night off. She never fully understood why they were not around but she then figured out that she had been giving them more and more free time lately, needing the solitude to think, to plan, to gather her courage.
Her Macbook sat open on the kitchen counter and she rushed towards it when she heard the ping. She knew who the message was from, she had requested for the message and only one person knew how to reach her this way and it was no one else but her lawyer who had texted her to inform her that the divorce papers were ready and all she had to do to finalise and make her decision official was to sign the document.
Her phone buzzed again, and this time she glanced at the screen. Rebecca's name flashed up with another message: "Please, can we talk? I never meant for any of this to happen." This had not been the first time Becca had tried to reach out to offer some sort of apology or explanation to Sarah in regards to what she had seen when she visited and this would neither be the first time Sarah would ignore her attempt at offering one.
The die had been cast or the deed had been done as many would say and this was just Sarah taking all that had happened to make the final decision she had continued to ignore and prevent out of ignorance.
Sarah picked up the phone, opened the message, and finally typed out the response she'd been holding back for weeks: "There's nothing left to say. You and Marcus deserve each other." She struggled with not having hard feelings with the hand she had been dealt and it was becoming harder and harder with the more people tried to reach out to her and suggests she rethinks her decision.
One of such people had been her parents when she made the announcement that she would be divorcing her husband in their last family dinner where Marcus himself and his family had been present. 'We are getting a divorce,' Sarah said and the dinning went errily quiet at her statement. She continued to eat her food as though she had not made the statement at all.
' You have got to be messing around. Marcus what do you have to say about this?' Her father who sat at the head of the table bellowed in a loud and sharp voice that made Sarah flinch as soon as she heard it. Her father had never been the one to raise his voice at his children but she was not delusional to believe that he loved her and her sisters more than his desire to stick to their foolish traditions.
Nothing beats the family name whenever or wherever the Chen family finds itself. Marcus splurted his explanation stating that he was also not aware of the decision she had made and acted as though he did not know the reason behind her decision.
For Sarah this was not something she was willing to debate over and even re-open old wounds so when her father fully supported by her mother ordered her on the dinning to forget such a decision and talk things out with her husband she had bothered not to argue because her mind regardless of what they had to say was made up.
This was why the next text message did not surprise her in any way. The next message had come from her mother, "Your father and I would like to discuss this nonsense about a divorce. Come to dinner tomorrow night."
Sarah rolled her eyes and sighed in resignation as her fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment before she made a reply that would see her talk to her mother like she had never done before. It was high time she addressed the elephant in the room even if it had not been what her family would have expected. She typed, "I'm sorry, but this isn't up for discussion. As an adult, I have made my decision ma. Please send my regards to Pa and I will try to visit home soon."
She could almost hear her mother's sharp intake of breath and could picture the way her perfectly manicured hand would fly to her throat in dismay. Sarah had never disobeyed her mother before, but for the first time in her life, Sarah felt completely certain about her choice.
Sarah could not help but question herself in order to find out where things had gone wrong and although her and Marcus had never been in love, the betrayal she felt was not something she had expected from him given what they had or shared together as friends and as a couple.
The signs had been there from the beginning but she had never been one to read the handwriting on the wall. From flimsy excuses for lateness to Marcus's casual dismissal of her opinions, the way he'd discouraged her from continuing her work at the family bank, his subtle but unmissable statements where he gave himself credit for what he had done for her or the life he had given her as he would always describe it. The cheating was just what Sarah would like to describe as the final straw. It was the most humiliating as well as the most visible eye-opener of his non-existent respect for their union, her family and her as a person, it was nothing short of humiliation.
Sarah walked into their shared bedroom which is soon to be just his, she was never the one who clinged on to material things and began pulling designer dresses from the closet. Each one held memories: galas, charity events, business dinners where she'd played the role of the perfect wife while dying inside, she took a deep and heavy breath as the thoughts of the life she had lived so far assaulted her in full force, she did not know when she suddenly dropped the gown she wore for her last gala. She left them all hanging there, moving instead to pack her everyday clothes, her comfortable pieces, the things that made her feel like herself. This was a 'new year new me' moment for Sarah and she was hell bent on making sure she enjoyed every single moment of it.
Her wedding ring caught the light as she reached for a sweater, and she paused to look at it. The five-carat diamond had felt heavy from the day Marcus had slipped it onto her finger, but she'd convinced herself it was the weight of commitment she was feeling. Now she knew better, the ring suddenly felt like her handcuffs as the real meaning hit her in full force. It was the weight of expectations, of society's judgments, of her family's hopes and dreams that had nothing to do with her own happiness but now she was going to snatch her happiness back. It was high time she focused on her
She slipped the ring off and placed it on the dresser. In its place, she put on her grandmother's jade bangle, the one piece of jewellery that had always felt right on her skin. Her grandmother had been different from the rest of the family, more concerned with happiness than appearances. On her deathbed, she'd squeezed Sarah's hand and whispered, "Live true, little one. Everything else is just noise."
The memory brought tears to her eyes, but she blinked them away. There would be time for crying later, but right now, she needed to be strong. Her phone buzzed again, she was starting to get pissed off with these text messages and calls, she however glanced at the screen and noticed Marcus this time. "Where are you? The Lims are expecting us for dinner."
She didn't bother responding. Let him make excuses for her absence. She was done covering for him, done pretending, done playing the role of the dutiful wife.
The suitcase was surprisingly light when she finished packing, considering it was the start of her new life. She'd already rented an apartment across the city, in a building where none of their social circle lived. Her resignation letter to the Wong Family Bank was scheduled to be sent automatically tomorrow morning, she could not believe how fast she had ended things and how lighter she felt heading into a new era or direction of her life as she would like to call it.
She never liked working at the bank anyway, it was suffocating and it had people walking on egg shells around her because she was the wife to the heir of the bank. Everything she had seemed like she did not earn them and Sarah could not help but feel like shit because of this.
As she wheeled her suitcase toward the door, Sarah caught her reflection in the hallway mirror. She looked different somehow like the heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders making her feel younger, lighter, despite the shadows under her eyes from sleepless nights.
The woman staring back at her wasn't the rich and high-end society wife known for the lavish parties and expensive and snobby brunches she'd been pretending to be; this was someone new, or perhaps someone she'd always been but had forgotten.
The elevator arrived with a soft ding, and as she stepped inside, Sarah felt a surge of something she hadn't experienced in years: hope. The doors closed on her old life, and she pressed the button for the lobby, ready to write her own story for the first time.
Her phone buzzed one final time as she reached the ground floor. This time it was a message from her younger sister, Amy, "I'm proud of you, big sis. Let me know if you need anything."
Amy had been the only person who had taken her words seriously at the dinner with her family where she announced her divorce. She had made her way to Sarah's room after dinner to ask what had happened and what had motivated her decision. Sarah broke down in tears for the first time and explained what had happened leaving no part out.
Amy was enraged when she heard what her sister had gone through and had sworn vengeance. Her sharp and witty curses had offered Sarah some sort of comfort and the fact that she assured her she would be there with her every step of the way offered her some sort of reassurance.
Sarah smiled her first genuine smile in weeks. She might be leaving behind a marriage and some relationships, but she wasn't alone. And more importantly, she was finally free.
As her car pulled away from the building that had been her gilded cage for four years, Sarah didn't look back. Sarah didn't want the chilling and suffocating air condition her car provided that night, she wanted to indulge herself and soak in the choked-up New York air and so she took the rooftop of her car down and enjoyed as the air caressed her face blowing her properly styled hair in all directions.
With a smile on her face, she realised what freedom really looked like.
The city stretched out before her, full of possibilities she'd never allowed herself to imagine before. The road ahead might be uncertain, but for the first time in her adult life, it was truly hers to choose.
The tears finally came as she drove through the quiet streets of nighttime in New York, but they weren't tears of sadness. They were tears of relief, of release, and of recognition – recognition that sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk away from everything you thought you were supposed to want, and toward everything you actually need.
Tomorrow, there will be battles to fight, explanations to give, and judgments to face. But tonight, Sarah Chen was simply driving toward her future, leaving behind a marriage that had been arranged by others, but choosing, at last, to arrange her own happiness and freedom something she vowed to never compromise on from that very moment.