Hi, the name's Mike!
Now, when most people think about fairies, they think about these kind, gentle creatures who eat candy all day, collectively, because that's what they think that life is about!
And, of course, sing songs.
I'm neither kind nor do I sing songs. I do collect teeth, however!
Dragon teeth.
Now, most people will think that this is animal cruelty, but I had my reasons. Still do, actually!
But to tell the story from here, while I'm SSS ranked, and pretty much the best dragon hunter in the world, wouldn't be very fun now, would it?
So, I'm going to tell the story of that rainy day in the academy when it all began.
Of course, the headmistress could have given a bit of money, and we could have gotten a barrier, an umbrella, a simple sign over our heads saying, "jobless, homeless, please have mercy, and throw a blanket over them."
But she was a cruel mistress.
She didn't care about us, and we didn't care about her. The only thing we cared about was the fact that if she didn't give us the diplomas, we were not going to be considered a part of the army.
And if we weren't a part of the army, then we were poachers. And oh boy, did all of us want to be poachers!
Legal poachers!
Not a single one of us thought that maybe... just maybe, a goblin could have a family and deserve to live.
Or that a Medusa or a Lamia were actually just women who had the very poor luck of being related to a woman who had no luck at all.
No, that was a poor joke. I'm sorry.
But on that rainy day as the headmistress looked at us and showed us our diplomas, we knew with certainty that we were going to have a bad time because those diplomas had runes on them!
Now, slave runes are a bit of a gray area.
On the one hand, you didn't have to call yourself a poacher, which was a good thing.
On the other hand, you had to give 50% of everything you earned, then paid an additional 40% taxes, and then with the 10% you had to pay the king somehow, while he wanted another 50%.
It was quite a tragic tale, but I had it all planned!
For the slave runes were active for only 15 years, and on this day, this day when I am speaking about this glorious rainy day when it all began, those 15 years ended.
Now wait. That's why you came, isn't it?
You came because of my wild life. You came because you wanted to hear why a lot of dragons, no, not a lot, all the dragons, decided they need a dentist.
You came because you heard about me.
And now I'm going to start like this.
Hello, I'm Mike, and I'm a small fry fairy who stole teeth from dragons - dead, alive, dying, even zombie dragons.
I thought, back then, as I took my diploma, that everything was going to be fine.
It was the day I had been waiting for my entire life, the day I wanted to remember, only to have a system screen appear before me.
"Greetings, brave hero," it said.
I was no hero. Just a fairy who wanted out of debtors' jail.
Which, if I had to be honest, I wasn't in yet, but it smelled so as if I were soon going to get in there.
Which, okay, debtors' jail sounded bad, but when I thought that one got 3 meals per day, something to do during said day, even if it was just cleaning the cell, and, of course, a place where one could sleep and do other things, well, debtors' jails didn't sound so bad.
But I wanted to have a dragon's tooth.
The first dragon's tooth I had ever touched was a museum exhibit!
Back then, I thought that the dragons were extinct.
And then the next week, the very next week, a dragon flew over our farm, torched the place, and killed my parents.
Some people might think that it's very heartless to just say it like that. But, well, they had revival stones, and they're healthy and happy right now!
Because that dragon got sued and had to pay for the damage.
The property and emotional damage.
And yes, not even dragons were above the law.
"Hero, please concentrate!" the system said.
I already hated the system. She sounded like a slave driver.
"You have to level up! You're just rank F right now," she told me.
Which was better than being rank E, I wanted to tell her, but she just sent me another screen.
"You must now do chores for the villagers!" she continued.
That was probably the slave rune talking. I already knew I was not going to have a fun time.
"Your quest begins now! You must weed 100 front lawns and mow them afterward," the screen read.
Now, most people would say, "Okay," and then take their hats and do slave labor all day long.
But I was not most people!
I knew that if I could delegate, if I could pay some gnomes, or goblins, or what have you, I could get those 100 front lawns mowed and cleaned, and heck, even planted with flowers without lifting a finger!
But, well, I didn't have money.
Education was free, as long as you agreed to take the diploma after you graduated, which was something that former classmates of mine who were currently being carted off to debtors' jails were yelling about.
I honestly didn't understand them. It was the right in the contract. It wasn't even in small letters.
No one reads contracts anymore. Tsk, tsk…
The world was going to the dogs, and I knew, at that moment, that if I wanted to pay those people, I needed to go into the world, steal a dragon's tooth, and then pay my way through leveling and ranking up.
Or, at least, out of debtors' jail.
And so, my quest began!
But I needed a victim! Read pack mule…
Anthony was not the brightest. Tony, as we called him, was a very chubby kid who didn't have friends.
I was a fairy. Sure, I knew my magic. And sure, I was probably going to be very light-footed and quick to steal a tooth from the dragon's graveyard.
But, well, I needed someone to carry it.
"Tony, my friend, how have you been?" If someone who has never talked to you before comes and begins a conversation like that, kids, just show him your back!
Or flip him the bird!
But whatever you do, do not do what Tony did.