Friends With The Most

We push on judiciously laughing all the way about anything and everything, we had made it a point of duty to get home in time before mma Chidera began looking for us worriedly.

Abeg! I wish this was the truth, my mumu friend right here won't just shut up and add a little more effort, I hated this side of her.

"Chidera, can you shut up and let's move on, you're slowing us down o!" I say setting the truck down carefully and turning to her, she looked at me and made that tired look she usually made to me but I was not having it today. "Chidera!"

"Ngozi calm down na, I'm on my..." I quic kly cut her off.

"Don't even try this one today! See it's you I'm helping by the way, don't mess it up please. Let's get this shit over with abeg, I have assignments to do, tomorrow is Tuesday."

Ooooh! Sorry eh, school girl, you know I don't like doing all these..."

"See Chidera, I'll leave you here o... Infact, why am I talking too much?" I make to leave but she calls me back pleadingly.

"Ngozi naaaaa! My love, baby m come back. Oya see, I'm pushing," She said and as I turned, I realized she was about to drive the truck into the gutters for the third week in a row. I run quickly and help her navigate the roads, drifting away from the gutters and almost crashing into our neighbor's brand new IVM Ikéngà. "Hmmm! Ngozi calm down o, daddy doesn't have money to spend our recklessness."

I stare at her with anger on my face, "which one is our recklessness? For anything I'm helping your sorry ass, appreciate it! At least daddy would get that." I say and finish my sentence off with a clicking sound from my mouth. "Don't worry sef, we're almost home jare, I can do it myself... After all haven't I been doing it for the long while?" I conclude with a hiss as I navigate my way to the compound.

"Ngozi naaaaa, oya no vex, let me push," She says as she comes to add her hands, I slap it off and swiftly drive into our compound through the jagged ground which made up the gate's foundation while she trails behind.

"Nné, ụnụ ábátágọ? Have you people come back?" We hear a familiar voice calling, as I look up I behold the nice lady in her thirties coming out of the house. Her portion of the bungalow was smaller than ours as it was a room and parlor only, they had a separate house across the compound which housed the kitchen and bathroom. The building having been built in 1965 was ahead of its time I would say as it was a loo and a bathroom in one fitting.

"Yes mmá anyị, we're almost done sef. Just one more round you know, Chi has been pushing it since we went four times ago till now, I just said let me close it off this final two times," I say turning to behold a bewildered Chidera.

"Ehen? Is that so Chidera?" Her happy and clueless yet satisfied mom asks looking around at the filled up once empty water drums.

"Ye.. ye.. ye.. yes ma... Mummy," She said feigning a smile, she further murmurs a 'thank you' towards me, I give her a thumbs down while sticking my tongue out.

"Nné chiukwu gá gọzie ụnụ ịbụọ o?" She says as she makes her way inside.

"Isééééé," we chorus, "Thank you mmá anyị," I reply.

Chidera turns to me following her mom's departure into the house. "Thanks so much baby," I eye her up and down, she smiles as she knows what's coming.

"No thank me o, don't thank me at all! C'mon bring that gallon wey you wan carry inside come this side okpo! Rubbish," I click my tongue against my teeth at her.

"No Wahl, so na because of this small 'thanks' wey I thank you you don dey senge..."

"Mmá!" I call out to her mom.

"Oya wait na... Haba! Nawa for you o nwá a," She says as she brings the yellow gallon towards me.

"Be fast o cos you'll be the one to carry this last round o," I shout out to her.

"Shhhh, I have heard na! Ah! Haba! Tụfịákwá ị!" She says snapping her fingers at me in frustration.

"Mmá!" I call out.

She frowns and snaps her fingers at with a shrug. "Tụfịá gị nwá! Ị́bụ nọ ọzụ mbụ!" I laugh good naturedly as I had successfully gotten to her. I knew one way or another I was still gonna end up carrying the last few sets and she would from outta nowhere get me something I like or give me some cash and tell me, "I'm not paying you o, can't I just get something nice for my friend?" Hm! Ákíkó, story, story, story...

This was my relationship with my best friend, enyị m, my rafiki, onyị m nwaanyị, my family, my heart and my soul Chidera, we have lived in the same compound since like forever, went to the same school and did basically everything together, I was the classic 'easy with my money' type and I am that way because in as much as mom and dad were ok rich and all, we could basically afford anything we wanted, they still made me work for my cheddar.

She on the other hand whose mom was equally also well to do in lots of extents didn't have to work for anything or at least most things that people worked for. She would find silly excuses as to why she didn't have to work and I would end up doing all the work. But at least she was always available of course to keep me company with her gists and shakara and somehow to me, that was kinda all that really mattered, Her buying me out with my favorite stuffs was just a bonus.

"Chidera I'm going o!" I call out to her and she's soon running at me.

"Nné, calm down na bikọ," Chidera says grasping my shoulder. She carefully slots the yellow gallon into the last empty slot for it, "Ngozichiukwuka, my love."

I ignore her as I continue pushing the truck with the eight empty yellow gallons to the borehole a few meters away from our house, it was actually in the next street.

"What's your problem na? This one you don't want to reply me, wetin happen?"

"Chiukwudera Ugonabo! I've answered you shey? Ngwá rest!" I wasn't particularly annoyed about anything at the moment but I just for some reason didn't want to be cheerful at this point in time and I would also make use of the opportunity to mess with her, my specialty.

"Sha that one concern you, I don't know why you just wanna be..."

"Oya sorry o Chi, I'm sorry for angering you with my anger," she laughs and as usual, her laughter cracked the shell of my own laughter and I broke out a laugh.

"Nné eh, Mondays like this eh," she said, we're almost at the water spot.

"I swear, e dey quick finish, pium! It's gone! Otilo!, ọwa like this dị anyị, Tuesday school, as much as I love school, it's so annoying," It was not like I didn't like school or anything but I gotta support a friend and besides the days were actually seriously running faster than Usain.

"It's always the fun days that go by so fast, the boring days are sooooo long like damn!"

"Nné I'm saying eh, ah!" Chidera didn't necessarily like school, one, the present education system established by John D. Rockefeller isn't necessarily ideal... Infact it's not but I didn't love school cos of the books, the teachers or stuffs, some of the knowledge was fun and all but the most important thing to me in school was the relationships we built, the friends we make and keep and the experiences both of which can make or mar us all in life if we allow them, you know all those things, not to talk of character building, knowing one's self and how to tolerate others and relate with them, fun stuffs, the fun times that keep me in the shower on weekends a little while longer dwelling on the memories, crying with nostalgia, wishing upon the universe to bless and honor my friends, my rafikis who have become family, my joy givers and all I had a good time with over the week and my first family too. These are the things that keep me happy going to school day after day not the dumb lessons of which 70% I basically don't need that I know for sure... Like why teach Africans European and American teachings in our African schools? Which kinda mental and emotional colonization is that? And when they were done colonizing us personally they decided it would be so fun to indoctrinate the adults to colonize the kids to the foreign ways, religious wise and politics wise.

This is Onyebuchi our quiet little town in the outskirts of the Motherland region of east central Nigeria, bordered in the north and east round by Onitsha Adọ, the home of Eze Chima and Oreze's descendants and in the south and west by the great Niger river and across it, the town of Ahaba, a canal was created a while ago through the Niger and Benue rivers all the way from the Atlantic ocean through Lagos, down the twin rivers Niger and Benue, and all the way up to Kano, Maiduguri and neighboring motherland region of Niger and beyond to boost trade and generate more incomes for the regions which it did of course but Onyebuchi went as far as adopting a former practice of Onitsha Adọ, a Monday sit at home but for students only as the town's chancellor Ákpé nwaanyị Ginika Azubuike and her council of members believed that more holidays helped boost the educative and innovative minds of the kids and stuffs.

That didn't sit well with the parents obviously, the kids were very delighted but the Ákpé nwaanyị was already doing so much good, this was kinda her only flaw in the eyes of the so called learned parents so no one really bugged her much and so our weekends as students were Saturdays, Sundays and the first day of the week, Mondays.

"Chai! School!" She exclaims. We had finally arrived the spot and as it was throughout this morning, all eyes were on us for some reason and they still were, they were getting very uncomfortable and unsettling, we clung to each other's palms.

"I don't want to go to school abeg," she adds as if to ease tension and draw my attention away from them. She then reduces her voice as people couldn't seem to be in the mood of minding their businesses and we knew that.

"Why's that love?" I ask while turning back to handle the truck, it would be a while before we are opportuned to fetch the water. It was an infamous hospital, the owner, late as of years back was a renowned medical practitioner and philanthropist, the free water for all that came from far and wide across the city of Onyebuchi was of course and would for a long time remain one of her most famous philanthropic achievements, she was now an ancestor to who ever her descendants are and she would continue to bless us as we honor her through her philanthropic work, Iseee!

Chidera looked at me disappointedly, I felt bad, I felt I had failed an easy test and the disappointed look on her face was killing me. Finally, like a four year old kid who had lost their kicks on Easter evening, I remembered, I replied so loudly but thank the ancestors I cut my intonation really quickly, "It came unexpectedly right? And I forgot to help you that day because I was busy with the senior perfect, yes, did anything occur?"

She looks me square in the eyes with disappointment, I turn a bit and catch a glimpse of the video which was tickling some of the guys' fancy.

"You see, I entered the bathroom to see if I can wash up a bit before heading home, you were no where to be found, not that it matters now anyways, you had your priorities aright then and..."

"Chi, my love, it's..."

"It's ok... So she got me in her videos and refused to delete it."

"Are you serious?"

"It looks like I'm joking na? But anyways what can I do? I went to report and the principal said she would handle it and what ever... It's funny that people can be comfortably ok viewing it like..."

"If you can take a look at the predominant gender that's here right now it won't be so surprising," I grab her shoulder, she looks down.

"Look, can I go home? I can't even stand the quizzical stares..." She suddenly takes off, I assume she's running home, my mind is too clouded to even follow her. I look up to one direction and see two guys hurdled up, I encroach them from behind.

"Ké dụ way ụnụ na? How far?" I greet but they ignore me, I glance at their phone.

"Omo, but this Esther fine o," One of them says.

"I swear down guuuuuyyy!" The friend responds.

"But guys, see wetin she do this girl na, how she go dey video for front of the girls' bathroom na?" A girl in front of them chips in.

"Abeg, na the girl sabi joor! Why you go carry your dirty body enter where person dey do video..."

"Wetin you dey talk this guy! Na she put herself dey?" A guy by our side attacks him.

"Seriously, how are you just comfortable spitting such nonsense from your word hole this guy?" I say turning him around to talk to him properly, "Like, don't you have a sister at home? How are you... You don't respect ladies at all? Don't you have a mother at all?"

"Bia way this girl, kpálị kwá onwé gị o this girl, dey nice o, make I no enter you o,"

"See who wan enter me? What can you do? You can't do more than jị agwọ ru agwọ, you can do more than a dead rat! Look at you!" People around us burst into laughter, some in mockery of me but I didn't mind, neither did I mind that the guy I was challenging was evidently and easily physically stronger than me but I didn't just care, only Chidera was on my mind then.

"See if not that I respect women what I would've done to you eh!"

"Look at you, you say you respect women but you don't acknowledge the nonchalance of your stupid bimbo crush."

"Who's the girl to me? I only know Esther, fuck the other person and who's the girl to you sef?"

"I swear, how e take concern us?" Another guy across the corner supports him.

"Nnya eh Ndubuisi, see this girls o..."

"Ndubuisi or whatever you call yourself make I no enter you o!" I call out the so called Ndubuisi.

"Heeeiii! You wan beat me? See this Mgbeke o, see dey nice o, I no be Nnamdi o, and I no get lady for house so I no dey fear you, I go massacre..."

"No wonder! See person wey him papa no train am well, I sure die say your papa dey beat your mama for house..."

"See, this girl, I go bang your head for this iron, shey you dey craze ni? See this girls o, una don dey develop liver like this!"

"See I no go too talk for this matter but where I go take craze na when management off this water, I go beat all of una black and blue!" A huge guy old enough to seriously big brother most of us all gathered there called out. He was shirtless, dark and you could clearly see his biceps, triceps and abs from like a mile away, he was steady fetching water since the conflict had begun and didn't seem to mind us until now.

"See who dey..." I reply him curtly and amidst the immediate screams, woahs and exclamations of the crowd he drops the two gallons he was carrying with a reckless thud as if to face me... Yup it was me.

"I talk am, Ade shey I tell una say na all this small small Onyebuchi girls wey una adopt, con dey follow up and down dey cause all these insults, see this ekuke, this Aba nkapi, this werey from Owerri, she don forget say na me be Dagger, Mma! Na me dey use scissors dey cut water wey dey run from tap but this akakpọ don forget con dey talk to me less because maybe one of una don dey bend am dey give am things on things, chaiiii, Mma! Na me dem dey see less?" The crowd explodes into laughter.

"Alaye, sir, Oga m! please, I no be ashana o, I don't do hookup please, don't talk about me like that o," I reply hastily and the guy rushes up to me with a rod he picks from the sides.

"Omo the pikin still get mouth ddy follow me talk, chai! She dey talk to me less? Mmaaaa, k way gị na?" He sends the rod at me but someone quickly pulls me out of the way.

"Imagine you Mma, dagger! just imagine wetin dey occur and you still dey look am? she dey talk to you less, Chai! Dagger! You dey f up!" Nnamdi the guy from earlier before seems to hype him up as he further progresses towards me hastily.

I see the same person , the girl from earlier before pulling me and we begin running as fast as we can. Soon enough, we turn back and we realize the guy had stopped chasing us.

"I don't wanna know your name but I just wanna first of all remind you of how stupid you are this morning," The girl tells me as we stop in front of a kiosk.

"What did I do now?"

"You're crazy o, you don't know what you did? You're very funny. Either you're incredibly courageous and bold or incredibly and extremely stupid because you challenged two local champions and a drug addicted town's bully and you somehow believed you would come out alive, for this part of Onyebuchi? Hm!"

"Female rage, it's powerful!"

"No be for where dem dey fetch water, it's evidently powerful as it almost got you killed literally but save it for when our ladies actually need to stand up to psychopathic misogynists and don't waste it on road side arguments and bickerings."

"You're right, we only get one life in this body right?"

"Exactly, who knows what you may wanna be in your next life?"

"Abi? So, who's the drug addict?"

"That one they call dagger abi na Mma, you can clearly see and hear his name Mma, knife, his name is dagger and you get mind challenge am? On top irrelevances? Omo, no be mind again o na foolishness, see as the guy quick pick rod wan pin you to the wallsñ and you still no run? This girl sha!"

"But you no see say those guys were making a mockery of my friend? It was my girl in the video, my baby, my heart, you'll not understand, sometimes these guys need to be put in their place."

"I understand, it's wrong in all ramifications, it's unjustifiable but you should've have channelled your rage only to the two fools and not a guy that took one wrap of sativa immediately after waking up just before coming to fetch water. No use female rage for road side bickerings na? You dey craze ni?"

"Sha na true o."

"Sha na true o," she mimicks me with mockery, "No go on, and see now, guess what? they'll seize your truck, what will you do about it? Wetin you go tell your people?"

"Omo, I no reason that one o," I exclaim in realization.

"You can imagine!"

"Can you help me nné?" She eyes me up and smiles shaking her head with a slight hiss.

"Romantic comedy! Sha you're lucky he's my neighbor, he lives in our compound, I'll just tell my brother to help me get it from him, shey na for my brother to give am one wrap for free... Abeg forget joor!"

"One wrap of what?"

"Forget, seriously, ah!" she says sternly.

"Ok o, so where do you live na?" I ask.

"Onitsha road, this side." She says pointing to a junction behind us, "What of you?"

"Muammar al-Gaddafi way," I reply pointing to the road beside us.

"Ok, you go chop?" She hands me a snack which she had purchased from the kiosk as we were talking.

"Gala? Oya na thanks."

"So lemme excort you home before you go and slap soldier." We laugh.

"Abegi! So Nkechi right?" She looks surprised, "What?"

"What are the chances? You know me before?"

"Nooo, did I guess right?" She giggles.

"Omo, you got it right o, lemme get your own na, em Ebelechiukwu?"

"Uuuhhh! She sends it across the field but for the crossbar, what an excellent effort I must say."

"You dey watch ball?"

"Sometimes."

"I'm guessing I didn't get it right abi?"

"You try Sha, I'm Ngozi, luck no dey your side today," I say with a mouth full of Gala.

"Abi?" She giggles again.

"Na my house be this o."

"Ehen? E fine o," she says with admiration.

"No dey whine me jare, this house was built in 1902 by my grandfather Obieze."

"Exactly, that's why I'm admiring it seriously, it's old fashioned and interesting, so many intricate designs from the early 1900s, una try o. Even this una neighbor house sef, una try."

"Abi, so my gallons na abi? You go bring am? The truck?"

"Yes, I'll help you, I promise but I don't promise you you'll see it today sha," she says thoughtfully.

"Ok na, thank you, you try." I slap my forehead, "Omo I forget something o."

"What happened?" She asks worriedly.

"I forgot to buy ọkpa from that ọkpa lady in that junction," She stares at me a while as if wondering.

"You're very dramatic o," I chuckle loudly, "Is that why you slapped yourself like that?"

I laugh, "Nné no reason am abeg."

"Nooo, I no dey reason am o." She says and turns to leave, "Omo, tomorrow na school like this o."

"Aswear down, I just tire, na to go sleep like this before I go con do my assignments."

"Abi, Ngozi which school are you going to like this?"

"Onyebuchi high," I say and she's surprised.

"Omo, I'm going to the same school o, which class?" Nkechi exclaims.

"I'm in ss2 o," I relay to her, she's further surprised

"I'm actually in ss2 too, I wonder how we've not seen before?"

"Nnya eh, I'm ss2b"

"No wonder, I'm in C class."

"Ok, but do you know Chidera?"

"Hmmm," she gives it a thought, "Asa Chiedozie?"

I give her a stern look.

"What did I do now?"

"That's disgusting, it's irritating that you're addressing your fellow girl, you only know someone, your fellow girl for that matter as the girlfriend of some a guy, it's alarming."

She stares at me a while, "I see you love arguing with everyone, that's nice, you seem to forget that I'm the one holding something of priced value to you and you're capping two, e ná kọ lụ m two, you never ready to learn."

"I'm just saying that you should stop treating ladies as properties of men and..."

"Does it matter? Even the bible says that Eve was made for..."

"You know what, you can keep the gallon, keep everything, imagine, you can't have a proper conversation without someone... Nné I don't think you're being logical if you're source of argument is the bible, like can't you use your thinking brains at all, you can't be logical... Infact why am I wasting time with..."

"Ngozi where are you going na? Ngọzi! Ngo... Oya be going na, na you go still con beg me, see this one o." I hiss back at her loud enough for her to hear.

When I get home I see Chidera curled up in my bed, her arms encircling her tummy.

"Nné ke way gị na?" I greet.

"Shey you're done with your new bestie abi?" She replies without turning to me.

"How did you...?"

"Shey you wan lie for me? You think you can lie for me? Anyways I'm hungry sha."

"See ọkpa and orange juice," I hand her what I bought, she quickly pounds on it.

I join her, "So what about Esther na?" She inquires.

"I'll see what I can do tomorrow, till then, let's focus on what really matters..."

"You didn't bring back the truck why?"

"I left it there, I'll soon go back," I avoid her gaze like the plague.

"You're talking to a six year old who met you yesterday abi?" I finally stare at her back, "You got into an argument and got our truck seized and that girl is gonna help you out and you'll pay her shey?"

"I give you an 80% on accuracy, I mistakenly challenged Mma," She's evidently shocked, she begins rummaging through my body looking for... something, "What?"

"Did he injure you? Did anything happen to you?"

"No, chill out ah, nothing sup," I shake her off, "But if not for that girl eh..."

"Nkechi Ejeagha."

"You know her?" She nods in the positive.

"I know Nkechi na, so she was willing to help you?"

"Ehhhh... She was willing to at first though," Chidera slaps her forehead.

"What did you do? Wetin you tell am this tozo?"

"Bịa jịlị nwayọ o, no dey insult me o," She smirks, "I got into her argument with her but it was just a small one," She uncrosses her leg from the bed and bangs her head on the mattress and she instantly begins to cough and I rush to get her some water.

"See as your stupidity wan make me choke, Ngozi eh!"

"Chidera Ugonabo! You no know say this lady dey pack pepper for her ọkpa," I clap on her chest repeatedly and cautiously, "Be careful o, Sha échị gá kà mmá, tomorrow will be better."

"Isééééé! I guess."

"I guess sị gị a gbagbue gị ébéá, that your 'I guess' fire you for there."

"Abeg shift!"