I've had friends, and though my longest friendship only lasted around a week, I can still say I wasn't completely an outcast. Right?
The last time I spoke about living in that trash of an orphanage, I said I was completely lonely, yet I can't continue to keep hiding the real truth. It wasn't the time I spent there that shaped me into what I am today. To be honest, after ending many friendships because of my powerlessness, I started enjoying the peace and quiet.
But then what changed? I didn't change because of the people around me, I changed because of myself. I saw the uselessness inside myself, and so I started hating every bit of my one carefree essence. I was a complete brat, someone who didn't know any responsibility, I ran at every minor inconvenience, I thought even the smaller cut was going to end my tragic life.
I had always considered myself the victim in every situation, someone who can't do no wrong. A pure boy who the world was against.
And I can't just stay here blaming my younger self, as that part of myself was carried over and still exists. After all, when I told my story I made it look as if I had only misfortunes, that I had not been shown any love. Such a hypocrite I am.
Now where was I? Oh yeah about my social status whenever I was a selfish rat.
Of the many friends I made, only two didn't abandon me. Well, they did... but not in the same context.
One of them was a small noble girl, now this may sound weird. How could a powerless outcast trash like I was meeting a noble girl?
Well, like after a certain incident that I sometimes come back to talk about, that ancient orphanage finally fell. And so I was on the street again. There I met a noble family, a nice and innocent family, that didn't know the horrors of the outside world. They were fated to die. Hah, fate. I think I'm going crazy.
The small girl I mentioned before was part of it, so I got to spend time with her. We weren't alike in any way, after all, she was a very outgoing person, full of ties and fate. And I, a lone child of the dark street.
If we were flowers she would have been the brightest lily, and I a lone lilac.
Yet we managed to somehow become friends. It was bound to happen, after all, such a social butterfly would go beyond the end to succeed.
I do take pride in the fact that I was probably her hardest target. At first, I couldn't say I liked her, whenever I thought of royalty or nobility, my mind raced to that ugly princess. But she wasn't like Elizabeth in any way. She was a selfless soul who put others before anything. She always wore a black earring, even if it damaged her reputation, even if it didn't match her at all you would always see her wearing it. It was a gift from her dead grandmother.
Yet as I said, their death was inevitable. It all happened all of a sudden, and the worst thing about it, some of it was my fault. I could have prevented it, I could have changed their fate, I could have beaten fate, I had the power it was in my hand, well actually my soul but you get the idea.
So with all of this, why didn't I do it? I got too comfortable, too cocky. After staying with the family I had finally let my guard down, I was too caught up in my roleplay of finally being part of a healthy family. I had negated every hint, every possibility. Negligence is really a horrible thing.
A lot of people say the biggest weakness of the dragons is their negligence, their pride. Yet I had fallen for the same sin. Maybe it was because of my role as a dragon vessel influencing me? No, I can't blame it on that. After all, Azel is the one who woke me up to reality, I have only myself to blame.
And after finally realizing what was happening, I failed to prevent it.
So what was this mysterious threat to the noble family? Someone was stealing their life force. Whenever I realized this he was almost complete, and when I went to confront him I failed to defeat him. It was one of my worst performances. In that time period, I had grown an ego. After meeting my curse, I had unlocked its drive, and with my soul capacity growing my original drive had finally arrived, although it was thirteen years late. So going from driveless to having two, I was on top of the moon. And that had caused my defeat and the death of the family that took me in and showed me only love.
People always say how they would give their younger self advice if they could meet, yet if I could meet my younger self, I would have beaten him up.
So there it was, I had failed to change fate. All I could do was watch and be there with them while they were dying in their house once full of laughter. I was again abandoned by a friend, yet this time it was all my fault.
I still remember her last words. Her words were full of fear, the fear of dying all alone in the darkness. They ring in my mind every time I'm on the verge of death. Her eyes, full of tears, her beautiful skin harmed eye bags caused by her continued cries. Her eyes lost their original color, just like her being. It was a horrifying scene, something died in me that day, I remember that feeling clearly. It was hate.
"Max, please, live your life for the both of us." She should have been cursing me, blaming me for everything, yet she did none of that. She even gave me her earrings that she held with such love. It seemed like such a valuable piece of herself, yet she gave it to me without hesitation or hate.
Live for the both of us huh, what a curse you bestowed upon me.
... I'll try my best.