Tajima Sanzo, the 669th Demon King, lay facedown in his tiny carrot field, utterly defeated by life. His body was sore from manual labor, his stomach was screaming for food, and his soul had officially given up.
Beelzecluck stood nearby, looking at him like a disappointed parent watching their child fail kindergarten.
Above him, his "upgraded" shack swayed ominously, its broken windows letting in the evening breeze, the holes in the roof casting moonlight onto his suffering.
Tajima groaned. "Okay. Let's be real here. The farming plan sucks."
Beelzecluck nodded.
Tajima sighed and sat up. "Fine. We'll go with Plan B—Cooking."
The system immediately issued a warning.
[WARNING: YOUR COOKING SKILLS ARE AT LEVEL: 'STRUGGLES WITH INSTANT NOODLES.']
Tajima twitched. "Excuse me!?"
[CONFIRMATION: BEFORE BEING SUMMONED, YOUR MEAL HISTORY INCLUDED A 90% DEPENDENCY ON CONVENIENCE STORE SNACKS.]
Beelzecluck tilted its head as if to say 'pathetic.'
Tajima grabbed his head. "I WAS SUMMONED FROM THE MODERN WORLD, YOU STUPID SYSTEM! OF COURSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO COOK IN A MEDIEVAL SOCIETY!"
Beelzecluck bawked mockingly.
Tajima groaned and checked his ingredient list.
It currently contained:
1. Five tiny, pathetic carrots
2. Some weeds that may or may not be edible
3. A bucket of rainwater that looked suspiciously green
4. A rusty spoon from his first Gacha summon
Tajima stared at the items.
"…This is the saddest thing I've ever seen."
Beelzecluck bawked in agreement.
---
Inside his barely improved shack, Tajima prepared for his first attempt at cooking.
By "prepared," he meant he shoved everything into a pot and prayed for a miracle.
"Alright, let's do this!" He tossed a carrot into the water.
It floated lifelessly.
He stirred with the rusty spoon. "This is already looking…"
He stared at the pot.
"…Depressing."
The system chimed in.
[CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE CREATED 'WATER WITH OBJECT FLOATING IN IT.']
Tajima felt his soul crack.
Beelzecluck slowly walked out of the shack, refusing to be involved.
Desperate to salvage his culinary masterpiece, Tajima added everything at once. Carrots, weeds, dirt, probably a small rock—
The pot let out an unsettling gurgling sound.
A strange bubbling noise filled the shack.
Beelzecluck peered in from outside, looking horrified.
The system sounded an alarm.
[WARNING: COOKING FAILURE IMMINENT. EVACUATE THE PREMISES.]
Tajima gulped. "…Wait, what?"
The pot started shaking violently.
Dark steam rose from it, twisting into ominous shapes.
The water turned a concerning shade of glowing purple.
Tajima stumbled backward. "Why is it glowing!?"
The pot suddenly shrieked.
Tajima screamed.
The pot exploded.
---
The shack was instantly filled with black smoke.
Tajima crawled out coughing, waving his hands.
Beelzecluck was already waiting outside, having abandoned him the moment things looked suspicious.
Tajima glanced back at what remained of his 'meal.'
A thick, horrifying sludge oozed from the pot.
It smelled like burnt regret mixed with despair.
The system analyzed the abomination.
[COOKING ATTEMPT COMPLETE: YOU HAVE CREATED "UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE (POSSIBLY ALIVE)."]
Tajima froze.
"…Possibly alive?"
The sludge twitched.
Tajima ran.
---
Five minutes later, Tajima was outside, sitting on a rock, traumatized.
Beelzecluck sat next to him, looking completely unsurprised.
Tajima hugged his knees. "I almost died from my own cooking. This is a new low."
The system chimed in.
[NEW TITLE UNLOCKED: 'FOOD POISONING PROGENITOR.']
Tajima screamed into his hands.
At that moment, Raviria returned from the forest.
She was dragging a massive sack behind her.
With a loud THUD, she dropped it in front of him.
Tajima blinked. "W-Wait… is this… actual food?"
Raviria nodded.
The system confirmed.
[CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE OBTAINED ACTUAL EDIBLE MEAT AND VEGETABLES.]
Tajima fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face.
"…I… I'm saved."
Raviria looked smug.
Beelzecluck rolled its eyes.
Tajima grabbed Raviria's shoulders. "You are the greatest warrior in history. I take back every dumb thing I said about you."
Raviria tilted her head.
Tajima turned to Beelzecluck. "And YOU—"
Beelzecluck immediately turned away.
Tajima sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Let's eat!"
---
Tajima, this time NOT cooking, watched as Raviria expertly grilled the meat over the fire.
Beelzecluck helped by pecking random things, somehow making them better.
Tajima sat back and watched, completely useless, as his subordinates made the best meal he'd seen in this world.
The system chimed in.
[CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE OUTSOURCED YOUR SURVIVAL NEEDS TO COMPETENT INDIVIDUALS.]
Tajima nodded. "Yes. Yes, I have."
He took a bite of the meal.
And for the first time since arriving in this world—
It tasted good.
Tajima felt a single tear roll down his cheek.
"…I love this food more than my own family."
Raviria looked at him like he was an idiot.
Beelzecluck pecked his foot for being dramatic.
Tajima ignored them and kept eating.
---
Just as the first peaceful meal in Demon King history ended, the system ruined everything.
[WARNING: INCOMING PROBLEM DETECTED.]
Tajima's stomach dropped.
"…What kind of problem?"
A distant roar echoed from the forest.
Beelzecluck's feathers puffed up in alarm.
Raviria instantly got into a fighting stance.
Tajima clutched his head. "Oh, come on! I JUST finished eating!"
The system delivered its final warning.
[INCOMING EVENT: UNINVITED VISITOR APPROACHING AT HIGH SPEED.]
Tajima grabbed Beelzecluck and used it as a shield.
"I hate this world—AGAIN!"
---
To Be Continued…