Year 845
"Eren..."
"Eren..."
"Wake up..."
"Hmm..."
"Let's go home, it's getting dark..."
"¿?"
"Otouto... Eren doesn't want to get up."
I diverted my gaze from the sky to both of them, noticing the familiarity of their gestures. At this point, my appearance had transformed into an exact replica of my former life. My empty brown eyes rested on Mikasa for a second "Hit him. We don't have time."
"ITAI!" Eren took a few moments to rub his head, still half-asleep, and suddenly asked "Mikasa... did your hair grow?"
Walking beside Mikasa, I extended a hand to help him up "Don't say nonsense... Come on, Carla's waiting for us."
Suddenly, Eren's sleepy eyes filled with fear as he crawled backward a few meters.
"Uh, did I do something?" I asked Mikasa, tilting my head slightly. She simply shrugged.
"Were you sleeping so deeply that you'd say such nonsense the moment you wake up?" Mikasa retorted in a reproachful tone.
"W-well... I feel like I just had a very long dream," Eren said, scratching his head awkwardly as he stood up. "But I can't remember anything... uh, sorry, Kiyotaka."
I returned a slight nod, but Mikasa and I both noticed something peculiar. She didn't take long to ask "Eren, why are you crying?"
"Huh?"
—
We followed the path back home while Eren kept a small distance from us, his face completely red with embarrassment. I observed the surroundings carefully. The small family cabin in the forest no longer existed. Around us stood hundreds of picturesque, German-style houses.
The comfortable family solitude had given way to the dense population of Shiganshina.
"Not a word to anyone... I don't want anyone to know," Eren muttered softly.
Mikasa quickly replied "I won't say anything." I ignored it, though he surely knew I would keep quiet as well "Though you were crying without any apparent reason... maybe you should tell your father."
"Are you crazy?! There's no way I'd tell him!"
A blond man with cheeks flushed from alcohol interrupted the conversation "Why were you crying, Eren?"
"Hannes-san!"
"Was it because Mikasa got mad at you, or because Kiyotaka's ignoring you?"
"What?! Why would I cry over that?... I mean..." Eren, sensing Hannes's strong alcohol breath, stepped back, covering his nose. "YOU REEK OF ALCOHOL!"
I kept my gaze on Hannes's companions, who were sitting on crates, playing cards and surrounded by bottles of liquor. A disappointing, though familiar, sight.
In a way, they made more sense than the Survey Corps. Not that Eren should hear me say that; listening to him talk normally was already torture enough.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING! IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS!" Eren shouted, completely oblivious to where we were. "When 'they' break through the wall and enter the city! That's the situation!"
Unfortunately, I couldn't entirely agree with him. To destroy the wall, you'd need a titan the size of the walls themselves — something we'd obviously see coming. But at least we should be prepared.
Escape routes, soldiers trained to buy time, and perhaps strategic ways to reinforce or seal the wall against any unexpected breach.
I suppose my irritation at his tone was visible, as I suddenly felt a warm hand patting my head.
"When they destroy the walls, we'll take care of it. But you know what?" One of Hannes's slightly overweight companions commented, "That hasn't happened in over 100 years."
"But we can't let our guard down. My father explained it to me," Eren replied, raising his voice again.
"Well, I'm sure you're right. I wouldn't dare contradict Dr. Jaeger, the savior of this town, but... well..."
"The soldiers at the top of the walls should be able to spot anything unusual approaching while reinforcing the defenses. Besides, this wall is about 50 meters high. I can't imagine how they could break through it."
—
After a long discussion, we continued on our way. Eren now walked ahead, maintaining a visible anger until Mikasa spoke to him.
"Eren... you should forget about joining the Survey Corps."
He immediately clenched his teeth and shouted,
"WHAT?! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF THEM TOO?!"
"It's not like I want to laugh or anyth—" Mikasa was interrupted by the loud sound of bells.
"THE HEROES HAVE RETURNED VICTORIOUS!" Eren grabbed Mikasa's hand and ran toward the gate, while I could only sigh.
This is going to be a harsh dose of reality for him. Humanity has survived behind these walls for a hundred years, but in all that time, they've never won a battle.
There are no heroes or victories — just people sacrificing their lives for a false and useless ideal that will probably never come true. Unless there's a turning point.
When Eren finally reached them, I saw him standing on top of some crates. From his expression, it was clear he still didn't understand the situation.
"There are so few..." he said. "More than a hundred went out, and not even twenty returned... Were they all devoured?"
In that moment, I spoke in my usual monotone voice "Do you still want to join?"
"BROWN!!"
"BROWN!"
"Excuse me... my son... I don't see my son Brown... Did something happen to him?!"
The soldiers gathered around her and handed her something wrapped in a blanket "...Huh?"
The soldier lowered his head and said "It's all we could recover."
"...UUH WAAAAAAAAA!!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"UAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Uh... UUUUH... My son... he was useful, wasn't he?"
I see... I suppose it's normal to seek a purpose behind loss. But I'm sorry, ma'am, there's no value in death. Only darkness.
"HE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE EXTRAORDINARY, RIGHT?! HIS DEATH HELPED AVENGE HUMANITY, RIGHT?"
I didn't think I would see it again... true darkness. That man stands just one step away from utter despair. The only question is whether he has enough strength left to lie one last time and give this woman what she wants.
For most people, it would be obvious — just say a few words and give her pain some meaning. But how many of those people have truly borne the weight of despair? That man had to lie to newly graduated cadets, tell them pretty things about freedom, all to lead them to their deaths.
"...Of course..." He froze, lowering his head. "No... ... ... The expedition... again... we...!!!"
Finally, he broke down completely.
"IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!! WE MADE NO PROGRESS!!"
"I'M NOTHING BUT TRASH!! TO TOY WITH OUR SOLDIERS' LIVES LIKE THIS!!!"
"WE DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT THEM!"
---
Do you understand reality now, Eren?
"It's terrible" "Thinking they could've lived peacefully inside the walls" "Our taxes could be spent on something better" "Right now, those taxes are being used to fatten up those monsters, sending our men to them like free food"
This is the value of their death—useless both inside and outside the walls. An empty death that doesn't even deserve the minimum respect.
Eren is about to throw a stone at the man who said that, but before he does, I grip his arm firmly and twist it behind his back. Mikasa pulls him away and shoves him against a wall.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! YOU MADE ME DROP ALL THE WOOD!"
"Eren... have you changed your mind about joining the Survey Corps?"
"..."
I have no choice but to sigh and pat Mikasa's shoulder "Leave it... let's pick up the wood. They're waiting for us."
"Welcome" says Grisha upon hearing us enter, while Carla turns with a reproachful look. "You're late!"
Mikasa and I begin stacking the wood while Eren sits next to his father.
"Well... it's a long story..."
After finishing with the wood, I notice the small bag on top "Grisha-san, are you leaving?"
He responds with a warm smile "Yes, I need to go to the city to explore a few things. Don't worry, I left some medical books on your bed."
I give him a silent nod and take Carla's place at the sink to wash the dishes. At that moment, Mikasa drops the bombshell.
"Eren said he wants to enlist in the Survey Corps."
I can only sigh and brace my ears.
"MIKASA, I TOLD YOU TO KEEP IT A SECRET!"
"EREN!!" Carla shouts, approaching and grabbing his shoulders firmly.
"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY HAVE DIED?!"
I notice Grisha's gaze. We make eye contact.
"Eren..." he begins. "Why do you want to leave?"
"I-I want to know what's outside... I couldn't stand living my whole life as an ignorant fool trapped within these walls and..." his eyes fill with determination. "If no one picks up where our soldiers left off... all those who died would have done so in vain."
They lock eyes, and Grisha stands up "I see... The ship will be here soon. I'm leaving."
"Wait, dear...!"
"I'll enlist too" I say casually as I finish washing the dishes.
I ignore Carla, who approaches on the verge of collapse, and Mikasa, who stands frozen in place. Grisha simply stops at the doorframe.
"I see..." He takes a deep breath and pulls out a key he had on a necklace.
"Eren... when I return, I'll show you that basement room that's always been locked. And you, Kiyotaka... everything you believe is true. You're right."
Carla interrupts, pleading "Make them see reason!"
"When someone has a clear objective, it's impossible to make them see reason."
The three of us stand outside the house, watching him leave. Mikasa grips my hand tightly, looking at me pleadingly.
I suppose this must be strange and contradictory for her. Mikasa has heard me say multiple times that what the Survey Corps does is useless. I've stated it many times, even in my thoughts:
There's no glory or purpose in throwing yourself into certain death for a hollow ideal.
But at the end of the day...
I'm sorry, Eren. I'm sorry, Mikasa. Carla-san...
The truth is, I have no interest in saving humanity.
I'm not driven by any noble ideal to reclaim freedom, nor by the absurd fantasy of uncovering the world's secrets.
Grisha... what you said—if your words align with my own thoughts, then the panorama expands.
This world isn't a prison without escape, as many think. No, the possibilities are vast.
I'll make sure to do whatever is necessary. Even if I wanted to protect them all, it would be inevitable and pointless.
But as long as I can... I'll protect you.
Especially you, Mikasa.