As I stumbled through, using my own personal navigation instead of the known back roads that carved themselves across the forests of the Sanctuary, I fumed aloud to the only person (wolf rather) who would listen, or who would have no choice but to, since she was technically in my head.
"Flou and Dad, they will never be happy for me. Who the hell rejects an alpha in their right mind? They might just as well ask me to run rogue. Ara, say something."
Ara had been quiet since I left home; nort attempting to interrupt my rants, or join me in them, like she was usually wont to do. It could only mean one thing— that she was consumed by her own personal 'wolfish' thoughts AKA my subconscious. That should be concerning to any werewolf since inner wolves are often the brawn that'd rather act before confronting their human counterpart's most hidden thoughts.
"Are you thinking right now?" In simpler words, fear any inner wolf that thinks. They fancy themselves therapists or professional consultants.
"Someone's got to do it," said Ara, causing me to halt in my tracks. She wasn't being nice by implying that I was being reckless. Times like this when I wished we were two different entities so I could beat the crap out of her (It'd probably be the other way round with she beating the crap out of me). Needless to say, we were stuck with each other through thick and thin. "It's one thing if you don't want to reject Freur, but check the werewolf statistics. Fifty percent of alphas in Europe wind up rejecting their fated mates in the interest of forging more promising alliances like Freur is about to do with Maude Caulkin of the Shiner Pack. The Shiners have been our unhealthy rivals for centuries and this union would do both our packs some much needed good."
"Now you're really starting to piss me off with your self righteous sermons. I bore the brunt of our ostracism so maybe that's why you aren't half as bothered. You want me to sacrifice my happiness to make the pack happy? Has the pack ever made me happy? Look at me trudging alone in the woods, at risk of being deranked to omega, because they loathe setting their eyes upon me. Can you really blame me if I'm selfish? Let's not forget Freur is only marrying Maude because he thinks the moon goddess free zoned him. I think he deserves to know the truth before making his final decision."
"Even at the risk of him rejecting you outright? The age gap between mates in our pack is three years except when one is freezoned. Doesn't it bother you that you're nineteen and Freur's twenty eight?"
I locked my jaw. "Oh, so you made a mistake."
"I didn't make a mistake. I am certain he is our mate."
"Then need any of us say more?" I snapped, and resumed my walk through the woods. "Fine, sulk all you want in the back of my mind, but I'm going through with this. I have a soft heart, remember? I'd rather have closure than spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been."
"Ignorance is a relief sometimes," Ara grumbled.
"Yeah, well, not this time."
I burst out from the woods and it was only a tarred road winding into the distance on both sides that separated me from the mansion of the mayor. I had seen the mansion before; on books, TVs, and magazines. It was an architectural wonder over five hundred years old. I just never thought the day would come when I would consider going in— when I'd imagine the possibility of spending the rest of my life within its walls. I hugged tight the tree I was peeping from.
"Freur is so lucky," I sighed. "Money, power, charisma, looks, women… and I am the exact opposite. Although my dad is a beta and my mother was an ultima, everybody hates me. What do I have to do to be like Freur, accepted and cherished from birth?"
"Grow a dick," Ara murmured.
Against better judgement, I laughed. "I think it's more than that. To be like Freur, I have to be his equal. To be his equal, I have to marry him. The moon goddess obviously thinks we would make a great team. I can convince him that we're good together. We'd live a life right out of a fairytale, Ara. Dad and Flou would never look down on us again. The pack would respect us for good. It's worth a damn shot."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I could sense my inner wolf's resignation. "Then, let's do it."
"Really?"
"Why not?"
"Yes! Thanks Ara. I need you to be your optimistic and hyperactive self, preferably forever. You feel me?"
"I'll try."
I cracked my neck and fingers, rolled my shoulders and hopped on my feet as if I was prepping for a boxing round. "Let's do this." I crossed the road, and before Ara could try to change my mind again, I diligently approached the mansion's intimidating black gate.
I knew the dynamics of the mansion well enough. It was a heritage site that tourists paid fortunes to see. Every Sanctuarian, on the other hand, was entitled to a free tour in their thirteenth year, including me.
There was an antique string rope one had to pull to ring the gate's metal bell. During tours, the bell was unnecessary. But on unanticipated visits like mine, your identity would have to be verified from the mansion's security tower— the tallest building in the Sanctuary, which at every point in time, kept the records of its current residents; both permanent and outsiders.
It took no more than five minutes before a guard with a hulk like build, approached me from inside the gate. "Audeline Palmer," he sneered. Did I neglect to mention that staff in the mansion are wickedly arrogant? They tended to act as if they were as important as Freur Ferdinand himself.
"That would be me," I responded nervously. Still, it was better to not piss them off.
"What do you want?" He rudely asked. His brusque tone was the deadest give away that he knew who I was; not from my verified records, but from the circulating rumours that had endured since my birth, and that would always condemn me to the role of outcast.
"I need to speak with the Alpha."
Before the guard could respond, his walkie talkie cackled. He lifted it up to his lips. "Have you found out what she wants?" inquired a voice from the device.
"She says she wants to speak with Alpha Freur."
"Ha," the voice disdainfully scoffed, "whatever the hell for?"
The guard raised a brow to me. "Why do you want to speak with the Alpha?"
"It's important, and I'd like to personally tell him myself."
"On a scale of one to ten, how important?"
I thought. "Hundred."
The guard could not help but smile at my wittiness. His walkie talkie cracked back to life.
"Alfred," said the voice, "what did she say?"
"Just that what she wants to tell the alpha is really important," Alfred said offhandedly. Apparently, even he did not think I could possibly have anything truly important.
"Look Alfred," I patronized, "this is just between you and me for now. Freur is my mate, that's what I want to tell him."
Alfred grinned. "Get serious."
"Dead serious."
He shook his head, as if he was pitying me. "You are delusional. Nick, this is Alfred, I am sending her away right now. Turns out she wants to play an attention seeking prank."
"Good," said Nick, the voice in the walkie talkie.
I burst into protests.
"Come back another day, okay? The triennal mating ceremony is happening tonight so nobody really has time for your bullshitting. Alpha Freur is pretty swamped with preparations. And honestly, the alpha's wife to be, Maude Caulkin won't be too happy about your spontaneous declarations; and mind you that she has quite a backing. Whatever it is you want, you picked bad timing for sure." He turned away to go back through the gate.
"If it was my father or sister, you would have let them in," I said, feeling rage and helplessness at the unfairness of it all.
"Maybe," said Alfred, "but you're not your father nor your sister. You are Audeline Palmer and you don't exactly have a good reputation."
He slammed the gate shut and I was alone again.
Even Ara was unexpectedly silent, as her acute disappointment radiated through me.