Kaelen had just finished solving the Great Pizza Crisis when he decided, for once, to have a calm, peaceful day.
Naturally, that meant everything immediately went wrong.
Step One: The Coffee Disaster
Kaelen woke up feeling refreshed. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and for once, nobody was screaming about an incoming apocalypse.
He smiled. "Today is going to be a great day."
Then he stepped out of bed and fell straight into a portal.
"AAAAAAAHHHH—"
A second later, he landed face-first in the royal kitchen, where a group of chefs were chasing a giant, rampaging coffee cup.
Lyria, who was sitting on the counter eating toast, waved casually. "Morning, sleepyhead. Want to help with the Caffeine Crisis?"
Kaelen groaned, sitting up. "What now?"
Thorne, dodging a splash of scalding hot espresso, shouted, "Your enchanted coffee became sentient! And it's ANGRY!"
Kaelen blinked at the massive, furious coffee cup stomping around like a caffeinated golem.
It screamed in a deep, echoing voice: "I REQUIRE MORE SUGAR!"
Kaelen sighed. "Of course."
Step Two: Negotiating with Coffee
Kaelen floated up to the raging coffee monster. "Hey, buddy. Let's talk this out."
The coffee golem roared, splashing at least fifty gallons of mocha everywhere. "I WAS CREATED TO BRING ENERGY! BUT I WAS NEVER GIVEN ENOUGH SUGAR! I AM BITTER! SO VERY BITTER!"
Lyria snorted. "Same."
Kaelen frowned. "Wait. You're mad because you're not sweet enough?"
The coffee golem nodded aggressively.
Kaelen snapped his fingers. A hundred sugar cubes appeared and plopped straight into the monster.
The golem froze, absorbing the sweetness. Its deep, angry voice softened. "Ah… Yes… This is perfection."
Then, with a happy sigh, the coffee golem shrank back into a normal-sized cup.
Kaelen picked it up and took a sip. "Oh wow. That's actually really good."
Thorne wiped coffee off his face. "Kaelen. You just negotiated with coffee."
Kaelen grinned. "Yep. And I won."
Lyria patted him on the back. "Good job, Coffee Whisperer."
Step Three: The Unexpected Chicken Uprising
Just when Kaelen thought he could finally relax, a royal guard busted into the kitchen, panting.
"Your Majesty!" the guard gasped. "The chickens have escaped!"
Kaelen blinked. "Uh… What?"
The guard continued, "The enchanted chickens from the royal farm! They've become self-aware! And they're staging a rebellion!"
Kaelen stared at him. "I… I have enchanted chickens?"
Thorne groaned. "YES. Remember? You enchanted them so they'd lay infinite eggs?"
Lyria grinned. "And apparently, now they've realized their own power."
Kaelen sighed. "Of course they have."
Step Four: Confronting the Chicken General
Minutes later, Kaelen, Lyria, Thorne, and a squad of royal guards stood in front of the royal courtyard, which had been completely taken over by chickens.
Hundreds—no, thousands—of glowing, magical chickens strutted proudly, wielding tiny weapons.
At the front of the army stood one especially large chicken, wearing a tiny golden crown.
Lyria grinned. "Aww, look! They even have a chicken king!"
The chicken puffed out its chest. "I AM GENERAL BEAKINGTON! WE DEMAND FREEDOM!"
Kaelen pinched the bridge of his nose. "I… I don't even know how to process this."
Thorne muttered, "Your magic is a curse upon the world."
Step Five: The "Very Official" Peace Treaty
Kaelen sighed and stepped forward. "Okay, General Beakington. What do you want?"
The chicken clucked dramatically. "We demand our own kingdom! A land where chickens may rule themselves!"
Lyria whispered, "He's literally asking for Chickenland."
Kaelen thought about it. "You know what? Sure. Let's give them their own land."
Thorne groaned. "Kaelen, no—"
Kaelen snapped his fingers, and a giant floating island appeared in the sky, covered in beautiful green fields, trees, and tiny castles.
Kaelen gestured to it. "There. Beakingtonia, the First Chicken Kingdom."
Beakington gasped. "IT'S… BEAUTIFUL."
The chickens all cheered loudly.
Kaelen smiled. "There. Now you have your own land. No more rebelling, okay?"
Beakington saluted. "WE SHALL RULE WISELY, O GREAT GOD-KING!"
Kaelen nodded. "Cool. Good luck."
Lyria patted him on the shoulder. "Congrats, Kaelen. You just created a nation of intelligent chickens."
Thorne sighed. "This is why the world is chaos."
Kaelen just smiled. "Hey, I think this was a productive day."
Step Six: Realizing This Is His Life Now
As the chickens happily flew to their new floating kingdom, Kaelen turned back to his friends.
"Well," he said. "That was completely normal."
Lyria laughed. "Sure, if your definition of 'normal' includes negotiating with coffee and granting chickens their own country."
Thorne rubbed his temples. "I give up. I don't even care anymore."
Kaelen grinned. "See? I told you today would be peaceful."
A huge explosion sounded in the distance.
A second guard ran up, screaming. "Your Majesty! The sentient potatoes have declared war on the carrots!"
Kaelen sighed deeply.
"…I need more coffee."
TO BE CONTINUED…