Itsuka Shidou was many things—a high school student, a so-called hero, and most importantly, a spirit hunter.
In the world of Date A Live, he was written like a wannabe Pokémon trainer, except instead of catching 'em all with Pokéballs, he sealed spirits with kisses and somehow absorbed their godlike powers like some weird, virgin vampire.
Despite his nonexistent charisma, every spirit he encountered miraculously fell for him—either getting wet at first sight or throwing themselves into battle just to protect him. The man had the rizz of a soggy tissue, yet he somehow built an entire harem of superpowered waifus.
But today? Today, the universe decided to finally humble this motherfucker.
For the first time in his plot-armored life, he found himself completely and utterly fucked.
It all started with an earthquake, the usual apocalyptic bullshit. Shidou, in all his protagonist glory, ran for his life, rushing to meet his sister at a restaurant where they'd agreed to rendezvous.
Just as he was making his way there, his sister called him, telling him, in full-on plot convenience mode, that he needed to kiss the spirits, seal their power, and save the world with the power of friendship, love, and harem logic.
And like the delusional second coming of Jesus, he accepted the job—after whining for a solid minute first, of course.
With the confidence of a man who had never faced true consequences, he marched toward his first target—Princess.
Now, in the anime, she was supposed to be aggressive as fuck—distrustful toward humans because, well, the DEM literally tried to murder her for no fucking reason. But somehow, through the power of bullshit no jutsu, she immediately trusted Shidou after a few words and fell for his discount Casanova act.
But this time?
This time, shit didn't go as planned.
Shidou—the legendary harem protagonist—finally learned what it felt like to take an arrow to the knee.
A single gunshot.
One moment, he was standing there, about to launch into another cringe-inducing monologue about love and trust.
The next? Regret.
So much regret.
Why the fuck did he take this shitty job?
Why did he think spirits would be easy targets?
Why did he trust his sister's dumbass plan?
"Zafkiel!"
BANG.
Before he could process what the hell just happened, his entire world shrunk.
His limbs shrivelled.
His mind emptied.
His vision blurred.
Then—
"Waaaaahhhh!!!"
He was a fucking baby.
The last thing he saw before his newborn ass started crying uncontrollably was a spirit in a gothic dress, her golden clockwork eyes gleaming, as she chuckled menacingly over his pathetic fate.
"Enjoy your life, Shidou-kun~."
And as the final insult?
She stole Princess right out from under his nose, the very spirit he was supposed to kiss, date, and recruit into his stupid harem.
As he lay there, helpless, wailing like the overgrown man-child he had always been, the reality set in.
Was this it? Was this the end?
Had his shitty protagonist luck finally run out?