EP.1 The Deal with God and AV
"Mmm... Huh? Where am I?"
I clearly remember falling asleep on my bed out of exhaustion from excessive masturbation, but when I opened my eyes, all I could see was a bright blue sky.
Of course, my room has a ceiling and blackout curtains to block sunlight, so it doesn't make sense to see such a clear sky right in front of me.
"Huh?!"
What's even more surprising is that it looks like I'm floating on a cloud in the sky.
"I'm not going to fall, am I?"
I pressed the cloud floor with my hand and it felt quite soft, but fortunately it didn't feel like I would fall through, so I looked around with relief.
"What's going on here?"
As I looked to the side, I could only see the vast sky and cloud floor, and I realized I was in a place completely unrelated to my room, which was absurd.
'But why do I feel so calm?'
In such an impossible situation, I would normally be confused and terrified, but for some reason, I felt incredibly peaceful.
"My son..."
"Huh?... W-who are you?!"
When I heard a voice calling me son and turned around, there was a giant man, easily over 10 meters tall, sitting on a huge throne and looking at me.
I was surprised, but even after seeing something that should have made me faint, I was only slightly startled and instinctively knew who this giant man was.
"Are you... God?"
"Yes, my son..."
He didn't tell me, and I'm not even a believer, but I could tell that this man before me was God, and I didn't doubt it for a second.
"Why am I here?"
"You are here because you died."
"Ah... I see..."
Even though I heard I had died, my mind remained calm and I simply accepted the fact of my death.
'Seeing how I'm reacting, I guess I really am dead.'
Normally, I would be in denial about dying and going crazy, but I didn't feel that way at all, and I instinctively knew this was because I was dead.
"So am I going to heaven?"
"No, my son... That's for you to decide..."
"Really? That's a relief."
I was worried I might be told I had to go to hell for all the sins I committed while alive, but it didn't seem to be the case.
"But how did I die? I only remember falling asleep on my bed."
I thought maybe someone broke into my house while I was sleeping and killed me, but...
"You died of a heart attack from excessive masturbation."
"...I see..."
I wished I hadn't heard that, but now that I had, the feeling of embarrassment started to wash over me like a tide.
'My mind is calm, but I'm so embarrassed...'
Even though I'm dead, it seems emotions haven't completely disappeared. My face turned red from the shame and embarrassment I felt, but since I'm already dead, there shouldn't be anything more embarrassing than this.
"By the way, your body was discovered by your coworkers who came looking for you when you didn't show up for work, and it has been safely cremated."
"I didn't want to know that!!"
Dying was embarrassing enough, but learning that my coworkers all saw my body together made me want to bury my head in the ground... or rather, the cloud, and die again from embarrassment.
"Sigh... Well, it's already over..."
I thought there couldn't be anything more embarrassing now that I'm dead, but...
'Oh no... the porn!!'
Just when I thought there was nothing left to be embarrassed about, I remembered the 100TB external hard drive full of porn I had just completed before dying, and I urgently asked God.
"U-um, what happened to the external hard drive in my room? They didn't all watch it together, did they?"
"Well..."
"Please tell me they didn't!"
Even though I'm dead, if other people discovered that, I'd be so embarrassed I'd want to die again.
Even just having porn saved on a computer is something people want to delete before they die, but I had 100TB of it on external hard drives?
That's enough to make anyone want to commit suicide out of shame.
'Oh God, please!!!! ... Oh right, this is God. Please!'
"God, please destroy all those external hard drives!!!!"
It's a shame to lose everything, but having other people find them would be a hundred times worse.
"You mean these?"
Whoosh
"Th-those are!!"
As God waved his hand slightly, something began to appear in the air.
"My porn!!"
Those were the external hard drives containing the porn I had collected for 10 years, and seeing them after death filled me with joy.
'Ah... but I can't use them anyway...'
They're useless without a computer, but I was relieved just knowing that other people hadn't seen them.
"...But why is God holding them?"
It felt quite strange to see God, who looked just like the typical image I had in my mind, holding my porn collection.
"First of all, I don't have a specific appearance. What you see is a projection of the image of God you imagined..."
"Oh, can you read my mind?"
"Yes..."
"I see..."
I decided not to think any disrespectful thoughts, even in my mind, and started listening carefully to what God was saying.
"And I'm holding these because I want to make a deal with you..."
I was quite surprised when God spoke to me in a dignified voice while acknowledging this.
"Can't you just take them? You're God after all..."
Honestly, even though it's God, it's a shame to give away the porn I collected, but I couldn't understand why an being who could do anything would want to make a deal with me over my porn collection.
"There are rules for everything, and even God must follow them..."
"I see..."
It seemed like something beyond my understanding, so I decided not to ask any more questions.
"Although you've died, these items are yours from the world of the living. So these items belong to you..."
It seems that even though I'm dead, since these were my possessions in the world of the living, God needs to make a deal with me to take them.
At the same time, the most incomprehensible question popped into my mind.
"Do you... know what's in there?"
"Yes..."
"Um... I see..."
I thought maybe he had mistakenly brought something else, but God's answer was so firm and certain that I was left speechless.
'God... watching porn?'
The fact that God said he needed what was in those external hard drives, which contained nothing important but just porn, made me feel quite conflicted.
"Um... can I ask what you're planning to do with what's in there?"
Thinking that he might be planning to do something important that I didn't know about, I cautiously asked God.
"...It's a secret..."
'I knew it!!'
If there was nothing to hide, he could just say what he was going to use them for, but the fact that he avoided my gaze and said it was a secret made it obvious enough without having to ask further.
I couldn't believe that God would use porn to masturbate, so I was dumbfounded.
"So, will you make the deal, or will you have these items erased from the world forever and go to the afterlife..."
"Hmm..."
Honestly, the thought of just erasing 100TB of porn feels like such a waste.
It's something I collected over a long time, and it's full of porn that suits my tastes, so it's a shame for it to just disappear meaninglessly.
'But if God uses it... maybe that's better...'
The idea of someone else, let alone God, using the porn I collected is honestly ridiculous, but I thought it might be okay if it's being used meaningfully.
"Ah! But what happens to me if I don't make the deal and just go to the afterlife?"
"Then you will spend eternity in a place full of peace, having shed all unhappy emotions..."
"Hmm..."
Spending eternity in a peaceful place doesn't sound bad, but I really don't like the idea of just being in a place with nothing else.
"So if you want to make a deal with me, what do I get if I give you all the external hard drives?"
"I'll give you two choices... One is to be reborn in the original world and live a new life... The other is to let you live in a world you consider ideal..."
"What's an ideal world?"
Swoosh...
Instead of answering my question, God held out the porn external hard drives in front of me.
"N-no way?!"
"That's right... I'll let you live in a world like these porn videos you desire."
"Ohhh!!!"
Being reborn isn't bad, but living in a world like porn that every man dreams of at least once?
No matter how many times I think about it, I have no choice but to choose the porn-like world.
"It seems you've decided..."
"Yes! Please use those porn videos to your heart's content!!"
The 100TB of porn I collected over 10 years will end up in God's hands, but in exchange for being able to live in a porn-like world that I could only watch and masturbate to before, it's not a waste at all.
'A world where porn becomes reality!!'
It's an incredibly exciting situation just to hear about it, and now I'll be able to directly experience what I could only watch through videos before.
"Good... Since being reborn would be inconvenient in many ways, I'll let you live as a suitable person."
"Thank you, God!!"
Since it's a satisfactory deal for both of us, the transaction was completed without any additional conditions.
God gets the 100TB of porn I collected, and I get to live in a world where porn becomes reality.
"Then I'll make good use of these."
"Yes, enjoy masturbating!"
I wondered if it was okay to say this to God, but since that's the purpose he took them for, it should be fine.
"Then you enjoy that world too, my son..."
Thump
"Whoa?!"
As God who held out his hand to me lightly flicked his finger, I started falling as if something was pulling me from below.
"And I've given you one gift to help you live well in that world, so use it well."
"Whaaaaaat?!"
God said something to me at the end, but I'm falling too fast to respond.
Whoosh!!!!!
And then, as if being sucked into something, I entered somewhere and lost consciousness, beginning my new life.