"That's all for our lessons regarding the conjuration of inanimate objects," Professor McGonagall announced to end her lecture. "Come prepared for the exam next class. Enjoy your afternoon and it wouldn't hurt to start revising."

Remus began to gather his loose parchment and tossed Sirius back his quill. James, who had been minorly tormenting Lily all class followed her out and Remus noticed how she didn't fight the arm he placed around her shoulders. 

"Mr. Lupin," McGonagall called from her desk. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Yes, Professor," Remus nodded and looked from his professor to Sirius and Peter. "You guys go on back to the common room, I'll meet up with you there."

"Alright," Sirius nodded and placed a quick kiss on Remus' cheek before following Peter out to the hall. Remus slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way to the front of the classroom. 

"Mr. Lupin," the professor began. "I wanted to talk to you about the idea of tutoring."

Remus looked at his teacher in confusion. "Professor, I would love to help out the younger students but my schedule wouldn't allow it. With all the things regarding my… condition and the hours I spend on Prefect related–"

McGonagall raised a hand to silence him. "Remus, you've misunderstood me. You are a bright student and are probably the quickest-witted pupil I've ever taught, however, due to your aforementioned schedule, your grades have been slipping. Now I know that it is just a lack of focus or time to complete your work, so it really should be no trouble for you to catch up. I know that the past couple of months' moons have been irregular so–"

She was still talking but Remus couldn't hear her anymore. There was a ringing coming from somewhere in his mind that sounded oddly like the word failure. He couldn't believe it. He was so disappointed in himself. No. He was angry. His fists clenched at his sides; he could feel all of his skin. Remus tried to contain the fire that burned inside his mind. He would never be successful. This curse was never going to give him a break.

Remus wasn't sure how it happened, but he found himself agreeing to cut back his Prefect hours and letting Lily tutor him in Transfiguration and Charms as of course it wasn't just the one course. It should be a painless fix. This wasn't the end of the world. So why did this feel like the last straw to tip the earth off its axis?

Professor McGonagall bid him a good afternoon and Remus mindlessly and angrily made his way back to Gryffindor Tower, ignoring the portraits that seemed to mock him.

"Fortuna Major," Remus mumbled as he approached the Fat Lady.

The woman in the painting looked up. "Hmm, did you say something? A bit louder dear," She said in a patronizing tone.

"Fortuna Major, you fucking twat," Remus looked her dead in the eyes. He did not want to deal with this right now.

The Fat Lady scoffed indignantly but the painting forcefully swung open anyway. "You're lucky it's magic or I'd not have let you in until you fixed yourself, young man." She slammed shut behind him, catching the heel of his shoe.

"I swear to fucking Merlin–" Remus scowled at the back of the portrait. As he turned to face the common room, he saw James and Peter in the middle of a chess game with Lily sitting nearby. She spared him a look and then did a double-take.

"Remus, are you alright," she asked as she marked her place in her book. 

"Just fine, Lily," Remus tried to contain his sarcasm, not wanting to discuss the current problem with anyone other than his internal monologue and possibly his boyfriend. "Do you know where Sirius is?"

"Up in the dorm, mate," James called from where he sat on the floor. "Something about his eyeliner needing to be fixed. Don't call him a diva though, he doesn't respond well to that one."

Remus didn't react to James' comments and promptly turned to face the stairs to the dorm. Lily caught his shoulder as he walked past her chair. "Hey, are you sure you're alright?"

"I just want to find Sirius," Remus avoided the question. Everyone and everything was pissing him off. He felt as though life was throwing punches and he had been tapping out for the last 10 minutes - laying on the ground hoping anyone would make it stop. All he wanted was to go to the dorm, have a smoke on the window sill, and then scream into his pillow for at least a solid five minutes. Was that too much to ask?

Remus didn't realize he was nearly stomping up the stairs. When he got to his door, he threw it open and slammed it shut behind him. When he saw the color in Sirius' face disappear, Remus forcefully snapped back into his body. 

The seconds felt like hours. Sirius dropped whatever he had been holding and it clattered to the floor, rolling under James' bed. His breaths quickened and he slouched back against the bed frame, sinking to the floor. His hand pulled at the collar of his shirt.

"Shit," Remus muttered. He dropped his bag and quickly made his way to the floor beside Sirius.

"What did I do?" Sirius asked in a heartwrenching voice that caught in his throat. "Why are you angry?"

"You did nothing, my love," Remus reached for Sirius' hand but he flinched away. "I'm not angry."

"You slammed the door," Sirius said shakily and between breaths. Remus could tell he was fighting tears.

"I know I did," Remus admitted, feeling guilty that he was the reason his boyfriend was currently having one of his episodes on the floor. "I'm not angry at you, Sirius. Please, let me help you." Remus tried again to take Sirius' hand but still he pulled away. Sirius scrunched his eyes closed, pinching the skin on the inside of his elbow. 

"Don't touch me." The words were strained but Remus listened.

"Okay, I won't." Remus even scooted back to give Sirius more space. "I won't touch you. I'm not going to hurt you, Sirius. I'm sorry I didn't think before I slammed the door."

Sirius tilted his head back, his hair, which had been held in a bun by his wand, fell and his wand hit the floor, making Sirius flinch. Remus went to grab the wand before it rolled under James' bed as well but Sirius' hand flew down on top of Remus' to stop him. "No."

Sirius' grey eyes were fierce but filled with distress. Remus suddenly had a horrible realization. "Sirius, no one is going to hurt you. I would never hurt you." Remus desperately wanted Sirius to believe him.

Barely two months ago, Remus had received a frantic owl on a cold winter night from James. There were only nine words but they haunted Remus like nothing else. We have a Sirius problem. Get here quick. It was three days before Christmas and Remus found himself in the Potter's guest room holding his abused Sirius. The cuts and bruises that had littered Sirius' face, the way he flinched when Remus reached for his wand just to turn off the lights, stained and tortured Remus' memory. And Remus had just done one of the most insensitive things he had ever done. He made Sirius feel unsafe.

"Please, Sirius, let me hold you," Remus pleaded. "Let me help you. You're safe here."

Sirius was still but after a moment he nodded. Remus began to close the space between them as slowly as he could. When he was only a couple of inches from engulfing Sirius in a hug, Sirius pulled Remus in. He buried his face in Remus' neck and clutched the back of his robes. Remus kept muttering the phrase "you're safe" in Sirius' ear.

"I'm sorry," Sirius mumbled into the werewolf's neck. His breathing had evened out now.

"What on earth are you on about?" Remus asked incredulously, pulling back to look his boyfriend in the eyes.

"You were clearly upset when you came in here and then I made it all about me," Sirius said as if that made sense.

"Sirius, having a panic attack is not at all narcissistic," Remus reasoned. "And yeah, I was upset but it's nothing. Just a bad day."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said again.

"No, I'm sorry, Sirius." Remus brushed the fringe out of Sirius' eyes and was relieved when he didn't flinch. "I didn't think before I acted. I made you feel unsafe."

"It's not your fault my parents are shitty," Sirius tried to shrug it off.

"Hey," Remus said softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Sirius looked unsure and he turned his gaze down to his lap.

"Here, why don't we get more comfortable and up off the floor, yeah?" Remus coaxed Sirius off the ground. The boys stood and Sirius pulled Remus into another hug before they made their way to the latter boy's bed. Remus absentmindedly spoke a silencing charm on the curtains as he had done so many times before.

They lay there for a while, facing each other, their foreheads touching, and Remus' arm draping over Sirius' waist. 

Sirius brought his hand up and placed it on Remus' cheek, pulling him in for a quick kiss. "I know I should talk about it, but it's hard," Sirius said quietly.

"You don't have to right now," Remus responded. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be here."

Sirius took a deep breath. "The night I ended up at the Potters," he began. "My father had called me into his study. My parents had just found out that Andromeda was pregnant and it was with Ted Tonks, a muggleborn…"

The study smelled of sulfur and there was a haze in the air. It only took Sirius a second to realize why when his eyes landed on the family tapestry. Where the picture of Andromeda was supposed to be, there was a large, black, smoldering burn. 

"Sirius," His father's voice broke him from his stunned thoughts. "Come in. Your mother and I have something important to discuss with you."

Sirius swallowed past the lump in his throat. His mother was standing by the tapestry, still breathing heavily and angrily. As he stepped into the study, his father stood from behind his desk.

"Have a seat, Sirius."

Sirius shook his head. "No thank you, father." Maybe it was his animal instinct from somewhere inside him but something didn't feel right. His eyes darted around the room, noting every possible exit.

"Alright," Orion said, eyeing his son with only mild disapproval. Walburga had finally turned away from the tapestry to stand beside her husband. Sirius suddenly felt very small. "As you know, your cousin Andromeda has dishonored this family by marrying that muggle –"

"He's not a muggle," Sirius interrupted. "Ted went to Hogwarts."

"Do not interrupt your father, Sirius!" Walburga snapped.

"Be that as it may," Orion continued. "We want to be sure that you don't make the same mistakes." Sirius held back the urge to laugh. "And to be frank, Sirius, we don't trust your judgment."

Sirius frowned. Were they suggesting…

"An arranged marriage?" He asked, unable to hold back the obvious disgust in his voice. "To who?"

"To Bellatrix-"

"Bellatrix! But she's my cousin!" Sirius took a step backward.

"All the more reason to do it, Sirius! You are the heir! We will not have you sullying the bloodline with mudblood filth!" Walburga spat.

Sirius shook his head. "No…No, you can't force me! No-"

"You will do as we tell you to, Sirius Orion!" Orion raised his voice. Sirius couldn't believe it. This couldn't be real.

"Are you insane?!" He looked from one parent to the other. "This is crazy, even for you!"

"Do not take that tone with us!" Orion shouted, taking a step closer to Sirius. "You will finish school, you will marry Bellatrix, and you will take your place as the head of this family. You will keep the Black Bloodline pure-"

Suddenly, he couldn't hold it back any longer. Sirius began to laugh. "Oh don't worry, father! I have no intention of dirtying the precious bloodline! No matter who I marry, that is one thing you certainly don't have to worry about. It'd be pretty hard to procreate while I'm shagging my boyfriend, after all!"

Sirius could taste the blood in his mouth before he even had time to register that the back of Orion's hand, as well as his many large silver rings, collided with his face. Sirius slowly lifted his hand and touched his bloodied lip in shock.

"What did you just say to me?"

All self-control gone, a defiant smirk spread across Sirius' face and he spat blood onto the floor. "I think you heard me pretty clear, Father," he growled, eyes narrowing on the older man in front of him. "I said that I fuck my very hot, poor, halfblood boyfriend. And I love every fucking minute of it-"

"CRUCIO!"

Searing, white-hot pain suddenly spread throughout Sirius' body and he fell to the floor. After a moment that felt like a year, the pain began to subside and he could see through the agony-induced haze that his mother still had her wand pointed at him. There was another surge of pain.

"I know I shouldn't have said what I did. I shouldn't have run my mouth, I should have just come up with some kind of plan instead of–"

"Sirius, stop," Remus cut him off. "That is not your fault. Your abuse, the trauma you've suffered is not your fault."

It was almost like those were the words Sirius needed to hear the most. His eyes softened and he scooted closer to Remus, who placed a kiss on the dark-haired boy's forehead. "I love you, Moony, you know that right?"

"I should hope so," Remus chuckled. "I love you too, Padfoot."

They lay in silence for a while before they heard footsteps coming up the stairs quickly in James' cadence.

"Oi, Moony, Padfoot," He stumbled into the room and Remus heard him dig through his trunk. "Finish doing whatever it is that you're doing that I know I don't want to know about and get your arses downstairs. Pete and I've got an idea."

James was out the door as quickly as he burst in.

Remus kissed Sirius' soft lips then his temple. "Duty calls?"

Sirius chuckled. "You can always count on James to be James. Let's go, Moons. Mischief waits for no man."