"And then she kicked me out! And her I am… *hic* broken and aloooonne…"
"Shhhh… it'll be alright, Thomas… It'll be alright." The drunken grown man then threw himself into my arms, sobbing. "Here, have another drink. It'll be O~k." He nodded and then chugged the drink down. Man, being a bartender is fun. Comforting customers, exploiting their grief for cash. That's downright evil!, you say. Well, I'm the demon lord. I do whatever the heck I want. Yes, I am breaking the 4th wall. Yes, this is an internal monologue.
2,493 years of defeating heroes gets boring. Especially when you have to wait an entire century between them. So I retired early. What was the point, anyways. We didn't even take their land. Well, I didn't, at least. The humans fended the rest of the demons off. Then the boredom got to me, and I retired. And how can I blend in? I was created by the demons brutally sacrificing a human to get me here. No, I didn't grow horns. And since then, I was the most powerful demon lord ever. And the most apathetic towards conquering humans. So retirement yes, third time mentioning in one paragraph. I found a small toe and settled down, posing as a 14 year old boy, now 16.
The bar is my home. I don't drink beer, but I do love the stories and gossip. I enjoy talking to the folks around here while taking advantage of their strife for another dollar. I guess it makes them feel good, as I haven't heard a single complaint about my "company". But the most fun in here is the adventurers passing through. They have tons of fun stories, and are ready to slay my kind inthe nearby forest. Do I care about them. I abandoned them. And that's that. Their loss. I already appointed a successor anyways. A of four walks in.
"4 drinks, please." They head to a nearby table and sit down, all of them grinning and stinking of monster blood. Why don't we keep the weak in our cities so they can be safe? I'll never know. The adventurers consist of a healer for obvious reasons, an archer for backup, a timid-looking "tank" to protect the former two, and a swordsman for frontline slaying.
"Of course!" I briskly walk to the counter and start pouring. "How was the hunt? Complete any quests?"
"SURE DID!!!" Shouts the blond-haired swordsman. "WE TOOK DOWN SO MANY!!!" Oh, brother. A happy-go-lucky shouting ball of excitement that breaks my eardrums and annoys me way too much.
"Sorry to be a bit picky, but please use a quieter voice, sir. Thank you."
"SORRY BOUT THAT!! I WON'T DO IT AGAIN!!" Bro he literally just took off an exclamation mark and called it a day. Whatever. Better keep smiling and make them feel welcome. I pick up the now poured drinks and head on over to my guests. My only guests. Man, workdays are slow in the afternoon.
"Here you guys go. Enjoy your time here!"
"Thank you, sir." The archer. "And sorry about him. He is always this loud." He turns around. "Quiet down, Max."
"SORRY!" Only lowercase is left, only lowercase is left…
"Sorry about the rudeness, I'm Blue, the bartender here." Introductions are important to making someone feel appreciated. It's what has kept me in business so long, memorizing everyone's name.
"A bit young to be drinking, eh? I'm Gideon. Our tank here is Ash, and his older brother, Max. Our healer, last but not least, Mildred. Though she prefers Millie."
"That's awesome! I hope you guys are getting good money."
"I don't think that's a problem, since, ya know, Max is the hero."
"So that's what the excitement was about. Good luck Max." Doofus currently had his mouth stuffed with beer. HE'S supposed to beat my successor? Oof. Maybe he will.