I bolted across campus like my life depended on it—because it absolutely did. Behind me, Renji Kamiyama, resident protagonist and sword-wielding psychopath, was still hot on my heels, his blade gleaming in the morning sunlight.
"GET BACK HERE AND FACE ME, TACHIBANA!"
"DUDE, WE HAVE A MATH TEST IN TEN MINUTES! GO TO CLASS!"
"JUSTICE NEVER RESTS!"
"IT SHOULD! IT REALLY SHOULD!"
The crowd of students followed along, screaming with the kind of excitement normally reserved for major sporting events. Some had even pulled out their phones, recording my suffering for future amusement.
I weaved through the courtyard, dodging rose bushes, fountains, and the occasional terrified first-year. I needed a plan. A real plan. Something that didn't involve me being skewered before homeroom.
Step one: Find cover.
I spotted an open classroom window up ahead. Perfect. With a burst of adrenaline-fueled desperation, I veered left and launched myself through it.
[WHAM!]
I landed face-first on the floor.
Groaning, I pushed myself up and quickly scanned the room. Empty. Safe. I let out a relieved sigh.
"Heh. Looks like I finally—"
[CRASH!]
The door EXPLODED open.
"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE JUSTICE!"
Renji had kicked the door clean off its hinges.
My soul left my body.
"HOW DID YOU FIND ME SO FAST?!"
"A TRUE HERO NEVER LOSES SIGHT OF HIS FOE!"
"THAT'S NOT A SKILL, THAT'S JUST STALKING!"
I grabbed the nearest object—someone's abandoned textbook—and hurled it at his face. He sliced it in half.
I ran again.
[BOOM!]
The students outside cheered as I dived through another doorway, sprinting down the hallways like my expensive shoes were on fire. Renji, naturally, kept pace effortlessly.
"ACCEPT YOUR FATE, VILLAIN!"
"I REFUSE!"
As I rounded a corner, a pair of hands suddenly grabbed my collar and yanked me into an empty supply closet.
Darkness. Silence.
I was about to scream when a voice whispered, "Shut up unless you want to die."
I froze.
The grip loosened, and I turned to see my unexpected savior.
A girl. Short, messy brown hair. Sharp green eyes. She wore the standard academy uniform but with her tie undone, her sleeves rolled up, and a perpetual look of mild irritation on her face.
Kaede Fujimura.
"You," I panted. "Why—"
She shoved a hand over my mouth. "Shhh!"
Outside, Renji thundered past, still yelling about righteousness.
The moment his voice faded, Kaede sighed and pulled her hand away. "You owe me for this one, rich boy."
I exhaled, slumping against the shelves. "I owe you so much."
For now, I had survived another day in this ridiculous anime world.
But deep down, I knew the peace wouldn't last for long…
I leaned against the shelves, sucking in a deep breath. The supply closet smelled like dust, old textbooks, and… was that—chalk? Who still used chalk in this day and age?
Kaede Fujimura crossed her arms, giving me a long, unimpressed look. "Alright, spill. What kind of trouble did you stir up this time?"
I exhaled dramatically. "I EXISTED, Kaede. That was my crime."
She squinted. "You must've done something."
"I walked past Lady Emilia de Blancheford."
Silence.
Kaede blinked. "...And?"
"And I didn't greet her."
More silence. Then, Kaede let out the longest, most exhausted sigh I had ever heard in my life. She dragged a hand down her face. "This school is a disease."
"THANK YOU! Someone sane gets it!" I whisper-yelled, pointing at her like she was my last hope in this idiotic world.
Outside, I could still hear Renji's heroic yelling as he ran around searching for me. He really had nothing better to do, huh?
Kaede peeked out the door, then looked back at me. "Alright, rich boy. You owe me for this. I'll help you get out of here, but you'll pay me back."
I frowned. "What kind of payback are we talking about here?"
She smirked. "I'll let you know when I figure it out."
I squinted at her. "...That's unsettling."
"Good. Now shut up and follow me."
[Whoosh!]
Kaede slipped out first, moving like some kind of secret agent. I hesitated, then reluctantly followed.
Step by step, we crept through the hallways, dodging students, teachers, and—most importantly—Renji. At one point, he literally flipped over a desk in his righteous quest for justice. I prayed for the poor janitor who had to clean up after this maniac.
Kaede grabbed my sleeve and yanked me behind a statue just in time to avoid being spotted. Renji stormed past, dramatically pointing in random directions.
"JUSTICE WILL FIND YOU, TACHIBANA!"
I stared at Kaede. She stared at me. We both held back laughter.
This idiot…
Once the coast was clear, Kaede nudged me. "Alright, you're good. Get to class before someone else challenges you to a duel over breathing wrong."
I clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Kaede. You are the single most competent human being in this godforsaken school."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Now scram."
With that, I finally made my great escape, slipping into the nearest classroom and collapsing into my seat.
I had survived.
For now.