Prologue
18/11/2008
:Renkini Bus Terminus
BULAWAYO
Sweat dripped down her razor-cut bold head as she clutched her hand to the young boy's slippery hand. He had been eating the sweets that masked the truth of her suffering. They were both scared but she had to do this, she needed to do this. Watchful eyes, filled with judgement and concern observed their every move. She held a small heavy changhan bag but the burden and trauma she bared was heavier. After a minute of her eyes wandering, she finally strapped the child on her back with a torn cloth and whispered to him
"We are going now, we'll be safe.."
The boy nodded sucking his thumb.
"Sir"
The old man holding bus tickets stopped to took at the homeless looking girl with a fresh blood stain on her skirt with no concern whatsoever.
"Where is this bus going?"
"Are you illiterate?! It's clear in red there!"
She turned her head to read the piece of cardbox displayed on window from the inside.
"Okay, I'm going there..how much for me and-"
The man raised his eyebrows
"How old are you? You can't be traveling alone"
"I'm 18, sir"
She lied but he needed the $10 so he let her in, traveling standing because the seats were full. She wasn't moved when some of the passengers laughed at them for what they wore or flaunted their food in her face, she was used to inhumane treatment, the surgical version of it, so this- this was just like pills to her.
A slight smile molded on her dry, dehydrated face.
She was going to be safe.
Chapter 1
"My true identity? A psych ward patient"
Present Day
"Another one! On the rocks"
Ignored for the second time, I watch the bar man flirt with a girl slightly lighter than me, not just that she had a round face too, pretty eyes that didn't have saggy eye bags around them. I would have them too if I could actually slept the suggested 8 hour nap.Or was it just the voice of my insecurity?
I get closer to the bar man
"Found your number under the glass, but you know what..call Me.. instead"
I wink slipping a ruffled piece of paper inside his polo t-shirt's pocket. It was just a receipt from when I got lunch. I just had to for the love of drama. The girl probably felt less special, like she should in world where there's plenty fish in the sea.
Luckily there is another bar woman, glued to her phone and not paying attention to her surroundings at all. She look like she doesn't belong here. I stumble across in my long heels that squeezed my feet for dear life, I needed a foot massage and a mental one too, if ever it exists. The men in the bar look older and I make sure to catch myself before anyone of them could. My hands quickly grab onto the stool across the bar woman. She is s startled when my hands clap infront of her face bringing her back to reality.
"Hi.. what will you h-"
"One Pina Colada please"
She keeps a smile on her face
"Coming right u-"
"No, make that vodka"
I interrupt
"Shots?"
"A glass"
Her eyes pop out.
"Or should I tell your manager to get it for me?"
"Coming right up"
I gulp on the glass, burning my throat too. I just hoped it will flash away this disturbing emptiness, the void in me that felt like it existed since I was born.
"A boyfriend?"
I ask the bar woman who was constantly on her phone. She smiles a bit.
"No, fiancé actually"
She flashes her diamond ring to my face and I feel so small. How the hell am I turning 26 and single?!
"And he allows you to work here?"
"It's just part time..and wena? How is a fine girl like you alone in a bar"
I sulk
"Men are scarce these days, or maybe it's just me"
"You're fine, you look-"
I stand up quickly and turn around to show how I was not blessed in all aspects of my body.
"You see"
She bursts laughing so loud but not louder than the music.
"Exactly, what I was talking about"
"I think it's cute, like it's sexy girl"
"Please!"
A glass turned into three and I couldn't help but dance when they played Sondela. Would've been better if I was actually in love like Thembi- the bar lady, that was her name and we ended up exchanging numbers she was so worried I'd forget my way home even though I took an Uber back.
My keys were under the white mat that looked creamish now because I haven't washed it in a while. The kitchen is spotless because I barely cook and when I do I make sure to tidy up thoroughly. I felt the sudden urge to vomit just after my phone vibrates and I couldn't hold it but luckily I was near my toilet and from there in bed with my heels on.
"Imela, get dressed"
I looked at my thighs and the bloody sheet on the bed.
"Go and clean yourself up...this is your fault"
I sobbed quietly but my tears were vivid.
"Ukhaleni wena?!"(why are you crying)
I felt cold strong hands choking my neck and I immediately rose.
It was just a dream. I curl up at the corner of my bed until my phone vibrates.
Grandma: Will it take you a message from the hospital to send money home? My BP is constantly rising,need pills and food..you know my pension money isn't enough..don't be a curse to this family Imela..
I wipe my tears reading the message
The antidepressants haven't been working, neither have the sleeping pills..I still have the nightmares. The only thing working is my body constantly to distract myself but it hasn't been working either.
If anyone told me years ago that my dream life would turn out to be a nightmare, I would've said they're green with envy. The only green thing now is me, a whole green flag but very single.
The light concealer had always been my favorite mask, oh and the bags under my eyes? Chanel!
No trauma is going to stop me from looking like the boss I am. Red lipstick for red stilettos and arched eyebrows for the mean girl look. I'm not actually mean, I just have to casually intimidate people in my line of work.
The weekend is over, and here is Monday with her annoying greetings and gestures from faces I'd give anything not to see everyday.
"Morning, Melz!"
I ignore her, she overdoes this greeting thing.
The silence in the halls can only mean a meeting that I didn't know of. Today I'll definitely put these eyebrows to good use.
"As I was saying, we need to up our g-"
I clear my throat walking in like the tiles worship my feet.
"Don't mind me, continue"
I smile looking at Tyrell whose pathetic presentation left his mind as soon as I walked in.
"So, again let's cooperate and hopefully we will survive in this economy"
The meeting was just like all the other ones; an urge to try harder.
I walk into Tyrell's office, he is sipping water. Good for him, he'll need it for the rage I'm about to unleash.
"Mr COO"
"Imela, have a seat"
"No thanks, I'm standing on business this week"
He chuckles
"You were late for the first meeting of the month"
"A meeting I wasn't informed of!"
I raise my voice
"Did your check your email this morning?"
Oh no! Can the ground swallow me now?
He smiles
"Have a great rest of your day, close my door on your way out"
This is why I'm single, by the way.
My tuition money should've been used to open a strip club instead, that's a more fun place. I mean what the hell is this? Five whole years plus my bad high school experience to sit here and listen to people telling me why they don't want to get along! I need a break. At least I get paid. Could have been more fun if I was getting paid to get laid. My intrusive thoughts are disturbed by Tyrell asking me if I'm staying extra hours. Boy please, extra hours who? in this boring loud place.
I grab my bag and keys, can we skip to Friday already? I pass Yeukai by the reception.
"Good evening to you too"
"Bye Yeu!"
I yell laughing at her, she can't still be pissed by the morning incident.
Getting home to a cold bed and an aromaless kitchen is the worst part of my routine. I get my pasta and chicken ready for the stove playing soothing poetry. It works better than any of my pills. So yes, poetry over pills.
I've always missed my brother but not in a " he should actually show up at my front door step at 9 in the evening".
"Idris! What the hell is wrong with you?"
I yell as he barges in with a drunk girl that could possibly be a minor.
"Missed you too, big sis!"
He takes a spoon of my creamy pasta in his mouth.
"You can cook now?"
He laughs
"Ngzo'kshaya wena(I will smack you!) Who told you to eat my food"
"You used to feed me-"
"Idris ufanani la?(What do you want here)Worse at this time?!"
"I saw that man, the one who hurt you"
I froze for a second
"What are you high on this time?"
"I saw him Mela! And I made sure I hit him well this time-"
I'm confused.
This time?! Idris seriously can't get himself in jail at 19.
"The police is prolly looking for his dumb-"
"Sorry, who the hell are you?"
I ask the loose mouth
"His girlfriend, soon to be fiancé"
"Drey shut up, you're 17"
I gasp
"Okay that's it, leave my house! Come to me when you're sober"
"But Imela-"
"I said out man!"
I slam the door in his face, it's tough love. He knows I'd give up my life for him but he just pissed me off now.