Inside Arakawa Alchemy, Hiroto sat at his counter, staring at Ren.
"So," Hiroto said, voice flat. "You told the entire adventurer's guild about my potions."
Ren, oblivious to the trouble he'd caused, grinned. "Yeah! You should be thanking me, man! Business is booming!"
Hiroto pinched the bridge of his nose. "I didn't want business to boom. I just wanted one gullible idiot to buy my junk every month so I could pay rent and be left alone."
Ren tilted his head. "…Wait. You don't think your potions suck, do you?"
"They do suck."
Ren blinked. "But they work."
"That's the problem."
Before Ren could respond, the door slammed open with a loud *bara bam*.
Hiroto sighed. "…Of course."
Standing in the doorway was a woman in a pristine alchemist's uniform, glaring at him. Akari Fushimi.
Hiroto groaned. "Great. You."
Akari marched in, hands on her hips, glaring like she could set the whole shop on fire with her stare.
"You," she snapped. "What kind of scam are you running, Hiroto?!"
Hiroto looked around at his dusty, failing shop. "…A very bad one?"
She ignored that. "You've been selling half-baked potions with ridiculous side effects, and somehow—everyone thinks you're some kind of legendary alchemist!"
Hiroto deadpanned. "That's Ren's fault."
"Hey!" Ren protested.
Akari slammed a small crate onto the counter with a *kachi kachi*.
Hiroto raised an eyebrow. "…What's this?"
Akari smirked. "I brought some of my own potions to show your customers what real alchemy looks like—potions that follow principles, not random garbage."
The adventurers outside pressed up against the windows, watching.
"Ohhh! Is this a showdown?!" *zawa zawa*
"A battle of alchemists!"
"This is gonna be good!" *zawa zawa*
Akari cleared her throat and pulled out a small red potion.
"This," she said, "is a High-Grade Strength Elixir. It grants the drinker a major power boost for five minutes, with zero side effects."
The crowd ooohed *pika pika*.
Akari smiled smugly and handed the bottle to a large adventurer. "Test it for yourself."
The adventurer drank it in one go.
"Whoa…! I do feel stronger!" he said.
Akari grinned. "Of course. That's the power of real alchemy."
But before anyone could cheer—
A loud *baki baki* echoed through the shop.
Everyone froze, staring in horror as the adventurer's shirt tore clean off his body.
"—Huh?" he blinked.
Akari turned pale. "W-Wait. What just—"
The adventurer raised his arms—and his pants tore down the middle with a *baki baki*.
"WHAT?!" he shouted.
Within moments, the man stood naked in the middle of the shop, still buzzing with energy.
The room fell dead silent.
Someone in the back whispered, "…Oh my god, his ass is out."
Akari's face turned bright red. "T-T-T-THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"
Hiroto, completely unimpressed, leaned on the counter.
"Huh. Looks like your 'strict alchemy principles' just made a potion that rips people's clothes off."
Akari whipped around to glare at him. "T-This has NEVER happened before!"
Hiroto shrugged. "Weird. You sure it's not a 'random side effect'?"
Akari twitched. "T-That's DIFFERENT!"
The adventurer scrambled to cover himself, and the crowd erupted.
"HOW IS THIS WORSE THAN HIROTO'S POTIONS?!" *zawa zawa*
"I CAN NEVER UNSEE THIS!" *zawa zawa*
"THAT'S IT, I'M ONLY BUYING FROM ARAKAWA ALCHEMY FROM NOW ON!" *don don*
Akari's eye twitched violently as she turned back to Hiroto.
"You," she growled. "You did something to my potion, didn't you?!"
Hiroto stared at her. "…Are you accusing me of sabotaging your potion? In your own alchemy lab? With ingredients I don't even have access to?"
Akari opened her mouth—paused—and then screamed in frustration.
"THIS MAKES NO SENSE!!!" *haa*
Hiroto sighed, rubbing his temples.
"Welcome," he muttered, "to my entire life."