I woke up feeling a little down today, knowing that this is the day I have to go back to my dad's place. I stared at Jerald, who was still sound asleep. I'm going to miss him.
I got up and grabbed some bread for breakfast, but I barely had an appetite. My bags were already packed, and I planned to leave before 10.
As I sat in the living room, my grandma appeared.
"Oh, Kean! You're heading home today?" she asked.
"Yes, Nanny. I'll miss you all. I wish I could stay longer."
"When will you come back?"
"I think in March. Since we still have online classes, I won't be able to visit as often as before."
"That's okay. Go spend some time with your cousins—they're already awake," she said with a warm smile.
"Alright, I'll see you later, Nanny."
Stepping outside, I saw my cousins. They already knew I'd be leaving soon.
"Kean, be safe later, alright?" Samuel said.
"Thanks, Sam. I'll see you soon."
"Oh, by the way, Dad's inviting you to play keys for our church soon," Samuel added.
"I'll think about it. A lot of things are piling up on my plate right now, especially with online classes."
"I wanna ride dad's motorcycle! I bet it's fun," Gabriel chimed in.
"Haha, it is. Hey, you two should keep practicing your instruments. We inherited our grandfather's talent—you gotta keep it alive."
"Got it, Kean! Dad told us to be ready next year. He wants us to play at church," Samuel said.
"Alright then, I'll see you guys later. I need to get ready."
I changed into fresh clothes and grabbed my things, getting ready to leave. Just then, Jerald woke up.
"Hey, Jerald. See you soon," I said.
He stretched and gave me a knowing grin. "Keep it flowing, man. I'll be here—always." He winked at me.
I smiled and made my way to Nanny. "Nanny, I'm heading out now. Where's Mom?"
"She's outside with her friends," she said, her eyes warm but a little sad. "Take care and be safe, Kean."
I hugged her tightly. "I will, Nanny."
Stepping outside, I spotted Grandpa Ara—Nanny's older brother. I walked up to him, playfully begging for money.
"Hey! I'm going home now. You must have some coins in that bag of yours. Spare some change?" I grinned.
He chuckled. "What? You're leaving already? Alright, here's your money. Be safe, Kean."
Classic Grandpa Ara. He was always like this with me, and I was always grateful for him.
Just then, I saw my mom. "Oh, hey, Mom!" I called out and hugged her.
She hugged me back tightly. "Be safe and careful, Kean! I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too, Mom. Take care, alright? All of you, take care."
With one last wave goodbye, I started walking down the street, my heart feeling both heavy and full.
I called my tricycle driver friend for a ride home. As usual, I didn't wave goodbye to my friends—I figured it would only make me sadder. Now, it's back to reality. Online classes start on Monday, and I still don't want to face that yet.
As we rode through the familiar roads, I watched the plains stretch endlessly beside me, with mountains standing tall in the distance. There's something about mountains that I've always liked. Even from miles away, they feel close—like a reminder that there's always more beyond what you see.
Even though Dad's place is only ten miles from Mom's, it feels much farther. This distance, this separation, isn't just about geography—it's the way life has changed. If things were like before, I'd be there every day. But with online classes keeping me tied down, that old routine feels out of reach.
I'm almost home. As usual, I can already tell my aunt has something to say. Every time I come back from my mom's place, she always finds a reason to scold me—like I'm constantly doing something wrong in her eyes.
I've been used to it since I was six. Twelve years have passed, and nothing has changed. But as I've grown, I've come to understand how much words can hurt.
I arrived home, and our pets immediately ran up to me, their tails wagging and eyes full of excitement. No matter how long I'm away, they always welcome me back like it's been years. I guess, in their own way, they keep me company when I'm bored, sad, or even just feeling lonely.
As I stepped inside, I noticed my aunt doing laundry. She glanced at me briefly but didn't say anything. Well, she's silent now—I guess she's not in the mood again. That's nothing new.
I dropped my bags by the couch and sat down to rest, pulling out my phone to check for any messages. Nothing new. Maybe the girl I talked to last night won't chat with me again. Not that I expected anything.
"Help me later. I'm cooking lunch for now," my aunt said from the kitchen.
"You got it, I'll be here," I replied.
A brief pause, then she asked, "So, how was your little vacation?"
"It was good. We had a feast, played music, and rocked out with my friends," I said.
"That's good. Are you starting a band or something?" she asked, glancing at me from the kitchen doorway.
"Yeah, kind of. But we're just beginners," I admitted.
"Cool," she said simply before heading back to the kitchen.
That's another thing about my aunt—her moods shift like a rollercoaster. Right now, she's calm, just making casual conversation, but I bet she'll be mad at me again later. It's always like that.
I finished resting when my aunt called me to help with the laundry.
"Kean! Get up and let's finish this so we can eat lunch!" she shouted.
"Yeah, I'm coming," I replied as I made my way to the kitchen.
"You're so slow! Don't just sit around all day, okay? I'm getting tired too," she said, her tone sharp.
I stayed silent. I always do. Even if I want to say something, I know she won't let me defend myself. She's the type of person who believes she's always right, even when she's not.
"Umm, what should I do with these?" I asked, trying to help.
"Just put them over there," she said. Then, with a sigh, she added, "That's what happens when you never learn how to do laundry. You're just lazy all day."
(She never actually taught me, though.)
I kept quiet, pretending her words didn't bother me. As I moved the clothes, one of them slipped from my hands and fell to the floor.
"Hey! Ugh! What do you think you're doing? It's already clean, and now you're making it dirty again!" she snapped.
"Sorry, it slipped," I said.
"Next time, you'll be doing the laundry by yourself, got it? I don't like being the only one doing chores here! You should start learning how to live on your own! I stayed here in the province because I couldn't leave you alone, and look at you—you're still childish! You're 18 now, Kean, so act mature!"
I just stood there, letting her words sink in. I wasn't sure if I was angry, sad, or just tired of hearing the same thing over and over.
I walked out as we finished, my chest feeling heavy. I could feel the sting of her words lingering in my mind, pressing down on me like a weight I couldn't shake off. My eyes burned, but I held back the tears. Not here. Not now.
That familiar feeling was creeping in again—the loneliness, the emptiness. I felt like no one was with me right now. I missed my friends. I missed my mom. I missed… everything that made me feel okay.
I headed straight to my room, shutting the door behind me. Laying down on my bed, I stared blankly at the ceiling. I knew she'd check on me later, probably say something else that would get under my skin, but I didn't care anymore. I was too drained.
Life felt like this endless cycle—good days, rough days, then back to this. It never really changed. My eyes drifted to the corkboard on my wall. The pinned pictures of me and my ex were still there, untouched. A bitter laugh almost escaped me. Great. Just what I needed.
That tight feeling in my chest grew stronger. The kind that made it hard to breathe. Not this again… My hands clenched into fists as my thoughts spiraled. Anxiety was creeping in, and I didn't know how to stop it.
"Lord, help me…"
----
Looks like I dozed off for a few minutes. When I woke up, it was almost noon. I grabbed my phone and checked my messages.
There was a new one from Lityear.
Kaye: Good day! ^^"
I smiled a little and replied.
Kean: Oh, hello, Kaye! What's up?
Kaye: Welp, I guess I was too bored today, and I started wondering how the boy I talked to last night is doing. T-T
Kean: Aw :> that's sweet of ya! Actually, I haven't talked to anyone either, so I'm uhh... glad you messaged ^^
Kaye: Great! So how's your day so far, Kean?
Kean: Ohh, umm… kinda bittersweet. Just got back from my dad's place. Vacation's over.
Kaye: Yeah? Is it okay there? Are you okay?
Kean: Yeah, I guess I'm fine now. How about you? What are you up to today?
Kaye: Nothing much. Just preparing for the next semester. Not ready to face it yet. T-T
Kean: *Same here! I wish I could turn back time :( *
Kaye: Let's build a time machine then? :D
Kean: Sure :> Let's go back to when school didn't exist yet.
Kaye: Great idea :> So, umm… any plans for today?
Kean: Hmm, nothing much. Just gonna eat lunch later. Have you eaten?
Kaye: Yep! Had lunch with my aunt today.
Kean: Oh, same! I'll be eating with my aunt too.
Kaye: Great! Enjoy your meal :>
Kean: Thanks! Hey, have you talked to Shan?
Kaye: Yeah, he said he's busy and told me to talk to you instead, so… hehe.
Kean: Ohhh, so that's why you messaged me, huh? Haha.
Kaye: Yes! Hey, am I not disturbing ya?
Kean: Nope! Actually, I needed someone to talk to, so… thanks ^^ for chatting.
Kaye: Aww, no problem! Do you wanna talk about anything?
Before I could reply, my aunt called out, saying lunch was ready.
Kean: Sure! But let's continue later—I gotta eat now. TTYL! ^^
Kaye: Alrighty! I'll be here :>
Kean: Okay! See ya!
After finishing lunch, I washed the dishes and headed to the living room. I grabbed my phone, opened Lityear, and sent Kaye a message.
Kean: Heya! Just had lunch :>
Kaye: Heya too! That's great! Did you eat well?
Kean: Yep, I did ^^ What about you? What were you up to? Haha.
Kaye: Oh, haha, I was just studying in advance so I can keep up with future classes.
Kean: Hey, that's great! I… don't do that. :>
Kaye: Haha! I bet you're smarter than me~
Kean: Nope, I'm not T-T. I hate math!
Kaye: I love physics~
Kean: So that means you love math too?
Kaye: Got a problem with that? :>
Kean: Nope :>
Kaye: Well, I think I inherited my grandpa's skills. That's probably why I love physics and math.
Kean: Me, who's about to study engineering… ;-;
Kaye: Really? :> Good luck with that… I actually thought about taking it too, but even though I love solving problems, I don't think I can handle it.
Kean: ;-; Yeah, you're right. Welp… good luck to myself.
Kaye: Yeah :>
Kean: So, any plans for this afternoon?
Kaye: Hmm, maybe I'll take a walk later while it's still "not summer season."
Kean: Haha, yeah, right. I won't be able to stay in my room all day once summer kicks in.
Kaye: Aww, the funny thing is, it'll still be cold here even when it's summer. Haha.
Kean: Yep :> I envy you. I wish I lived in your city.
Kaye: How about studying here for college?
Kean: I'd love to, but that's impossible… even though I have relatives there.
Kaye: Okay then… Are you planning to visit again soon?
Kean: I hope so. I wish I could go back this May—I kinda miss it.
Kaye: Alrighty! Hey, TTYL—I need to focus on my studies again ^^
Kean: Alright! It was nice talking to you. I'll be here :>
Kaye: Okay! See ya~
I leaned back against the couch, staring at my screen for a moment.
I felt… different.
It's weird how just having someone to talk to like this makes me feel better. I hope we chat again later or tonight…
Wait, why am I like this? Am I… moved on? Why am I even asking myself that?
Sigh.
Alright, whatever. I'll just watch some TV for now.
---
Before I could even settle down, my aunt's voice called from the kitchen.
"Kean, did you feed the dogs already?"
"Yeah, I did," I answered.
"Alright, go eat dinner now. Your dad's probably gonna come home drunk again later. He might finish up all the food."
I stayed quiet for a moment, then got up and headed to the table. Another long night ahead.
After finishing dinner, I placed my plate in the sink and stretched. It had been a long day, but at least I got to talk to someone who made things a little lighter. I went back to my room, lay on my bed, and grabbed my phone. A notification popped up from Lityear.
Kaye: Hey! Finished eating?
I smiled a little before replying.
Kean: Yep, just did. You?
Kaye: Same here! So how was dinner?
Kean: It was okay, nothing special. My aunt was in a good mood, so at least I ate in peace. You?
Kaye: Haha, well, same here! At least we survived another meal without chaos :>
I chuckled at that.
Kaye: By the way, Shan told me about your past… about her.
I paused for a moment. My fingers hovered over the keyboard. So Shan really told her.
Kean: Oh... yeah. I guess you already know, huh?
Kaye: A little. But only what Shan told me. I wanna hear it from you, if you don't mind…
I sighed, staring at the ceiling for a while before typing.
Kean: Well… she was my first love. It felt real, y'know? We had our ups and downs, but I really cared for her. I thought she was the one.
Kaye: What happened?
Kean: She left. I guess she just… fell out of love. And I didn't see it coming. One moment, everything was fine, then suddenly, it wasn't. She told me she didn't feel the same anymore. That broke me.
Kaye: I'm sorry, Kean…
Kean: It's fine. I mean, I thought I'd never move on, but… I guess time does its thing.
Kaye: Do you still miss her?
I hesitated for a moment before answering.
Kean: Maybe not her… but the feeling of having someone. Someone who makes you feel less alone.
Kaye: So you feel lonely now?
Kean: Yeah. A lot, actually. I mean, I have friends, but it's different. Some nights, I just… overthink. Everything feels heavy, and I don't know why.
Kaye: I get that…
Kean: Really?
Kaye: Yeah. You're not alone in feeling that way, Kean. It's okay to feel lost sometimes. But you're stronger than you think. You'll get through this.
Kaye: And besides, you have me to talk to now :>
A small smile crept onto my lips.
Kean: Yeah… thank you, Kaye.
Kaye: For what?
Kean: For saving me from loneliness.
Kaye: Anytime, Kean.
I put my phone down and sighed, but this time, it wasn't a sigh of frustration or sadness. It was… relief. Maybe, just maybe, things would start to feel a little lighter.
This feeling… I enjoyed talking to her all night—sharing our favorite things, revealing little personal details, and just having someone to rely on during lonely days and nights. I hope our conversations continue in the days to come because this feels… different.
But why does my head feel light again? Maybe it's just the phone radiation? Nah. Maybe I'm just tired. I should sleep now.
Kean: "Goodnight, Kaye. Thank you for tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow~"
Kaye: "Goodnight, Kean! :> I really enjoyed talking with you! <33"
I set my phone down and let out a deep breath. I feel better now. What a good night.