I didn't use to be like this. Ever since she left, all I've felt is sadness and pain. It was everything—now it's nothing. Nothing at all. Every day feels broken, and every night ends in tears. I fall asleep, dreaming of how things used to be, only to wake up to reality. But reality feels like a nightmare.

My motivation was gone. Inspiration slipped through my fingers. I kept asking myself, Why? Why did everything turn out this way? Was it meant to be? Why am I like this? What's wrong? My world... it felt like it had crumbled.

Lying on my bed, I feel lazy all the time. I wish I could sleep forever, just to keep my emotions at bay. It's been a week since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, but the pain has lingered for months. The truth that she changed and there's no chance of getting her back haunts me. People say it's okay, just move on—but is it really that simple? I still can't accept it, and the memories of us keep echoing in my mind, driving me insane.

But… yeah. It feels like I'm trapped in this endless cycle. Like I'm imprisoned by my own emotions, unable to break free.

"Kean! You forgot to wash the dishes!"

Yup, that's my favorite aunt—everyday rage, everyday noise. She just can't keep her mouth shut for once.

"Yeah, I'm coming down."

But instead of arguing, I always choose silence. It's easier that way.

"A new year is coming, Kean. Yet here you are, lying around all day, not even helping with the chores. When will you change? Make a New Year's resolution for that."

Same old words. Every time she scolds me, it's the same thing. I could probably predict what she'd say before she even says it.

"I'm home! What's for dinner, huh? I'm starving!"

And that's my unemployed, everyday-drunk dad. I've gotten used to it—I just laugh whenever he's like this. It's kind of funny.

"Oh hey there, Kean! What's up? Have you eaten already?"

"Yeah. I'm about to feed the dogs now." At least he asks if I've eaten. What a sweet dad.

"And what's your plan for New Year, son? Gonna visit your mom's place?"

"Probably, yeah." A peaceful vacation. A whole week away from these two.

"Kean, go feed the dogs now. Don't talk to your dad too much, and just head straight to your room later."

Looking at these pictures is so hard for me. Every time I do, tears well up in my eyes, as if the pain is reliving itself over and over again. But it feels impossible to remove them, to hide them from my sight. They're still special to me—she is still special. It just feels... right, to not let go, even if I know I should. Maybe it's because part of me still hopes... hopes that she's still somewhere in my world.

I feel so alone, but part of me wants to be alone, away from everything. I crave isolation and don't want to talk to anyone. Since she changed and faded away, my desire to socialize has vanished too. It's like I want to delete myself from everything online. Should I? Maybe it's time to say goodbye to my friends, or maybe I should just say goodbye to the internet altogether. If this is what it means to be broken, then I've cursed myself to live this way.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot—I still have school chats. Too many notifications. Are they waiting for me to reply? Maybe I should try talking to a friend.

Me: "Hey, sorry for the late reply. Been dealing with some stuff these days."

Kent: "Yo, bro! I've been waiting for us to hang out in the world of Sandcraft! Everything okay?"

Me: "Yeah, of course! Nothing serious. Just some family issues, don't worry about it, haha. Anyway, I've missed you, man. Feels like forever since our last day of school before the outbreak."

Kent: "Bro, same! This house is a madhouse—noise here, noise there, ugh. Gaming is my only escape, you feel me?"

Me: "Haha, you're the best, Kent. Come on, let's find peace in the game."

Aunt Raquela entered my room, carrying a stack of freshly washed clothes. She placed them in my closet while glancing at me.

"Your Aunt Divine invited us for a staycation at her place in Manila," she said. "We'll celebrate Christmas there with your Nanay Cristine and Lolo Larry."

I looked up from my bed. A staycation, huh?

"Will my cousins be there?" I asked.

"I don't know yet," she replied. "They might be celebrating with their mom's side of the family."

I nodded. Typical.

"Alright then, I'll be going home to my mom's place before New Year's."

"Do as you wish," she said with a shrug. "Just make sure to enjoy. We're leaving tomorrow morning, so pack your things tonight—and don't stay up late."

I used to get excited whenever we had trips to my aunt's place in Manila. It was something I always looked forward to. But now? Now, I feel like I don't even want to go.

I can't sleep. No matter how hard I try to distract myself, my mind keeps circling back to the weight of everything that happened. The sadness lingers, pressing down on me, refusing to fade. How long does it take to be free from this? How long until the ache dulls? Maybe I should just close my eyes, let the pain settle in, and cry until there's nothing left. But even then, I know the moment I wake up, the emptiness will still be there, waiting for me like a shadow I can never escape.

"I'll never leave you. You've been through so much just to prove your love for me."

"I will always be yours, no matter what."

Her radiant smile shines in my eyes, filling me with a warmth I never thought I'd feel again. I can't believe I'm experiencing this kind of happiness.

But then… something shifts. A shadow of sadness creeps in. Wait—why am I remembering the pain? What's happening?

"Eunice, can I hold you? Just for a little longer?"

"You're so sweet," she whispers, her voice melting into the air. "Love me and hold me like you always do."

I don't want to wake up. I don't want to—please, just a little longer! Please, don't leave!

But as I open my eyes… reality crashes down on me. The warmth is gone. The room is cold. It's almost morning.

And damn it—I forgot to pack my things.

A notification from Shan popped up on my phone.

Shan: "Kean, you coming home to our hood?"

Me: "Don't tell me you didn't sleep? I'm packing my things. I'll be heading to Manila tomorrow, but yeah, I'll be home by New Year's Eve."

Shan: "Goods. Bring your guitar. We'll make some noise."

Me: "Yeah, yeah. I'll see you soon. What are you doing up this early, in this gloomy midnight?"

Shan: "Couldn't sleep earlier. Was talking to an online friend. She kept me up all night ranting about her stuff."

Me: "Looks like you had the motivation to stay up all night."

Shan: "Nah, we barely talk. Met her a few months ago in a strange chat site. We don't really talk that much."

Me: "Alright then, good luck with your future sweetheart."

Shan: "Whatever, dude. See ya."

I sighed, setting my phone aside. I kinda miss them—my friends. But even with that, it still feels heavy carrying all this negativity inside me.

It's been a while since we last traveled. With the protocols finally lifted, things are starting to feel normal again. A year has passed since the outbreak began—not just the outbreak, but the solar storm that left the world in darkness for weeks. Humanity struggled for months, but now, life moves forward.

Yet here I am, stuck. While the world recovers, I feel like I'm falling apart. A heartbreak hit me harder than any disaster, and honestly… it feels like I won't survive this one.

"I've missed you so much, Kean! Come give me a hug!"

"I've missed you too, Aunt Divine. It's been a while. Merry Christmas! How have you been?"

"I'm very happy! And Merry Christmas to you too, Kean. Nanay and Lolo will be here this afternoon—you should wait for them. Where are your cousins?"

"I wish Samantha and Rolan were here, but they'll be celebrating with their mom's side of the family."

"Aww, that's okay. Why don't you rest or take a walk outside while your Aunt Raquela and I cook lunch?"

"Thanks. I think I'll step outside for some air."

I remember crying when I was twelve, thinking I'd never come back after my vacation here. But in the end, I always returned—twice a year, like clockwork. And now, I've heard Aunt Divine plans to bring me here for college. The thought lingers in my mind as I step out, feeling the familiar warmth of this place… yet somehow, it feels different this time.

I feel strange. Staring at the city skyline, I can't shake the feeling that something is about to happen. The wind is strong yet calm, wrapping around me like a silent embrace—as if it understands everything I feel. Is this a sign of a new beginning? Even so, letting go of the past feels impossible. Will I ever experience that kind of love again? Maybe this is life's way of making me stronger, of pushing me to grow as a man. For years, her presence was a constant, filling my days. Now, all I feel is emptiness.

A gardener nearby notices me and approaches.

"It feels nice, doesn't it? To be embraced by the wind."

"Yeah... I guess. It brings a strange sense of peace."

"The plants and crops battle against it every day, yet they never truly fall. Sometimes, what pushes you down can also bring you comfort—if you learn to close your eyes and have faith."

I nod, absorbing his words. "I think I get what you mean. Thanks for the advice. But... how did you know I was dealing with something? Did you sense it?"

The gardener smiles. "I know the look of someone carrying a heavy heart. I've carried one too. That's why I stand in this very spot every day—to feel the wind's embrace. It's like a reminder that no matter how strong the storm, it always passes."

I watch as he closes his eyes, arms slightly open, letting the wind rush past him.

"Just remember," he continues, "enjoy the wind while it lasts."

His words lift something inside me, even if just a little. And as I stand there, I realize—you can't change the direction of the wind. It moves forward, just like life.

It was already past afternoon when my grandparents arrived. Seeing them again after so long filled me with warmth, but a part of me still longed for the presence of my cousins. This was the first time this year that we were all gathered again, yet something felt different. I couldn't help but reminisce about the days when the Sinocruz family was always complete—laughing, celebrating, and simply enjoying each other's company back in our home.

I guess, starting this year, things won't be the same anymore. And that realization weighed on me. Still, all I can do is appreciate this moment, to be present, because I know these times don't last forever. It's a good thing, at least, that the world is healing from everything it has been through.

"Gift or cash?" my grandfather teased with a chuckle.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around both of them. "I've missed you all! Merry Christmas, Lolo and Nanay!"

"Merry Christmas too, Kean," my grandmother said, her voice as gentle as ever. But there was a hint of wistfulness in her tone. She glanced around, as if expecting to see the missing faces. "Looks like we're incomplete tonight."

And I knew she felt it too.

The tradition never ends. We had Noche Buena, and while the food filled my stomach, it didn't quite fill the weight I carried in my heart. No one knew about it. The laughter and conversations of my family echoed in the background, but I found myself stepping outside onto the balcony, drawn to the beauty of the city lights.

And here I am again—relapsing, yet savoring the moment. My heart is exhausted, but my mind still whispers, break down. But as I take in the view, something shifts. A quiet realization settles in—a vision of a new start, a new beginning.

"Time to wake up to reality."

A voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Aunt Divine, hey."

She stands beside me, her presence warm, grounding.

"You're graduating high school this year, right?"

"Y-yeah. I'm planning to apply to a university in Lucena… and maybe here in Manila, too."

"Go for it, Kean. Choose the path that feels right. I'll support you all the way."

I look at her, my chest tightening. "You're the best. Even though you're not my mom, I feel your faith in me. You believe in what I can become… even when I can't see it myself." I hesitate, then finally admit, "I—I'm actually going through heartbreak right now. And I can't focus. You're the first person I've told."

She sighs, her eyes full of understanding. "I'm sorry, Kean. I feel you." She pauses, then continues, "I know this moment feels like you're lost, but trust me, this is just a chapter. You will grow. You will be stronger. I can already feel the new beginning waiting for you. And when you're ready, we'll talk more about it."

We watched the city in silence. Then, Aunt Divine gives me a small pat on the back before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

The cold breeze brushes against my skin, carrying an unfamiliar feeling. Something is ahead… 2021 is coming, and for the first time, I think I'm starting to understand what I'm going through. But why does it still feel so strange?

Maybe the answers will come in the days before this year ends.

Special thanks, Lolo and Nanay, for the brand-new guitar.