I'm a 34-year-old homeless and jobless person.
I'm plump and ugly, a nice guy who regrets how he lived his life.
I wasn't homeless three hours ago; I was a veteran NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) who hadn't left my room for the past year.
However, my parents had passed away without my noticing.
As a NEET, I didn't even attend the family meeting, let alone the funeral.
And in the end, I was chased out of the house.
I remember banging loudly on the walls and floor, flailing about as if no one was home, since no one spoke up for me.
On the day of the funeral, I was masturbating in my room when my siblings suddenly rushed in, dressed in mourning clothes, and declared that they were severing all relations with me.
I ignored them, and my younger brother took a wooden bat and destroyed the computer I valued more highly than my life.
Half-crazed, I lunged at them, but my older brother has a dan rank in karate, and I was viciously beaten in turn.
I sobbed and begged for forgiveness in an unsightly manner, but I was chased out the door and didn't even have time to change my clothes.
I endured the throbbing pain in my chest (most of my ribs were probably broken) and walked unsteadily on the streets.
My siblings' rebukes from when I left the house still resounded in my ears.
They were harsh insults that were difficult to take in.
My heart was completely broken.
What did I do wrong?
All I did was masturbate to a mosaic-less loli video during my parents' funeral.
What should I do next?
My mind does indeed know.
I need to find a job or a part-time job, then a place to live, and buy some food.
However, I'm unsure how to go about finding a job.
I've heard of going to "Hello Work" [1], but I'm not confident in my ability to navigate the process.
Although I have over 10 years of experience staying indoors, I don't know where Hello Work is located.
Even if I go to Hello Work, I've heard that it only introduces you to job opportunities.
I would need to bring a resume, go to the recommended place, and take an interview.
However, I'm concerned about presenting myself in a dirty sweatsuit covered in sweat and blood.
If I were an employer, I wouldn't hire someone wearing such attire, no matter how sympathetic I might be.
Are there any shops that sell resume papers?
Stationery stores, perhaps?
Convenience stores?
Maybe a convenience store might have them, but I don't have any money.
And then, what will I do if I settle all of that?
Assuming I do get lucky, manage to borrow money from a financial institution, get a change of clothes, and buy some resume papers and stationery.
I'd heard that you can't complete a resume if you don't record your residence.
It's over.
Right at this moment, I finally felt my life reaching its end.
Hah.
It started to rain.
It was the end of summer, when it starts to turn cold.
The icy rain pierced through the clothes I'd worn for I don't know how many years, mercilessly stealing my body heat away.
If I could start over from the beginning.
I couldn't help saying that.
I wasn't born a rotten human.
I was born as the third son in a somewhat wealthy family - two older brothers, one older sister, and one younger brother.
The fourth of five siblings.
In primary school, I was praised as clever despite my youth.
Even though I wasn't considered great at studies, I was good at games and a brat who was pretty good at sports.
I was even once the center of attention in my class.
Then, in junior high school, I entered the computer club, consulted magazines, and saved enough money to assemble a computer.
I stood out among my family, none of whom could write a single line of code.
The turning point in my life was high school... no, it actually started in the third year of junior high.
I was so busy tinkering with the computer that I neglected my studies.
Thinking back on it now, that was where it all started.
I thought learning was useless for the future; I felt it couldn't be applied in real life.
In the end, I entered the most idiotic high school, considered the worst in the prefecture.
Even so, I thought it was nothing.
I felt I would succeed if I got serious, and that I was different from those other idiots.
That's what I thought.
I still remember the incident back then.
While queuing up to buy lunch at the cafeteria, there was a fellow who cut in line.
I grumbled a few sentences, acting out of righteousness due to my strange pride and chuunibyou personality.
Unfortunately, he was my senpai, and one of the two most dangerous people in the school.
I ended up being punched in the face until it was swollen, stripped naked, and tied up in front of the school.
He took a lot of pictures and easily distributed them all over the school.
I fell to the bottom of the hierarchy in an instant, got laughed at by others, and even got the nickname "Foreskin boy."
I didn't go to school for a month and became a hikikomori.
Upon seeing me like this, my father and brothers said irresponsible things to me, like, "Bring out your courage, do your best."
But I hadn't been at fault.
Nobody in that sort of situation would continue to attend school.
There's no way.
Thus, no matter what anyone else said, I adamantly continued my shut-in lifestyle.
I felt that the peers who knew me were all looking at my pictures, mocking me.
Even if I didn't go out, as long as I had the computer and internet, I could spend my time away.
Due to the internet's influence, I got interested in many things and did a variety of stuff: assembling plastic models, painting figurines, creating weblogs.
My mother was willing to support me, and it seemed she would come up with the money to help me out for as long as I requested it.
But I was sick of them all in less than a year.
I lost my motivation whenever I saw someone being better than me.
To others, I was merely fooling around.
But as I was alone with so much time, hiding in my dark shell, I had nothing else to do.
No, even when I think back on it, that was merely an excuse.
At the very least, it would have been a better choice to become a mangaka and start publishing terrible web comics, or to become a web novelist and start posting novels.