Escape?
I couldn't even move. All I could do was stare. Stare as her blood flowed. In that moment, I only had one thought in my head.
Was this how they felt watching someone who meant everything to them die?
No. I wasn't going to watch that happen.
I dragged my unmoving legs to her side kneeling beside her.
I lift her head laying it on my thighs. I felt her move. It was so subtle I almost didn't notice. "You'll be fine." I whispered my voice cracking as the last word slipped from my lips.
Fine? Could I actually believe that?
Her eyes barely opened. "I- the wish.. sorry."
I nodded vigorously. "I understand."
She struggled to speak again. She was suffering. I couldn't bear watching her like that. I covered her lips with my hand. I rested my head on her chest. The sound of her heartbeat residing. What happened to you? How did you end up like this? Was this going to be the end?
I had questions I needed answers to. I needed to gather my thoughts on a straight line.
"It'll be fine." I repeated. As much as I desperately needed that to be true, I knew deep down that there was no way we could ever be fine.
I hear a sigh escape her chapped lips. I couldn't hear it anymore. Her heart wasn't beating anymore.
I raised my head to look at her. Studying her face no, I was etching very part of her in my brain.
As long as we were together, we were sure we would pull through. Even if the world was ending, we remained oblivious but now we weren't anymore. My sister was laying lifeless in my arms but I couldn't feel anything.
Pain? Guilt? Fear? There was nothing. I knelt there totally motionless.
~~
I could still remember clearly. How determined her eyes were as she confronted that detective. We were only seven. She had suffered from being bullied and I had beaten her bullies till they had to be admitted. I was being scolded for not being able to control my anger when she spoke up defending me. "It's not Yuri's fault. They started it. They deserved it." She couldn't even speak up for herself yet she was speaking up for me. That was the moment I decided I was going to look out for her. I was going to be her sole protector.
But....
"Ms. Kim? Ms. Kim?"
I shot up my head to stare at the person calling me.
"You were spacing out again. Is there anything bothering you?" He asked.
Right. I was the station giving a statement.
"No"
The detective cleared his throat. "I'll consider it safe to proceed with the questions right Yuri? You won't be bailing on me again." It sounded more of a command than a question.
I nodded.
"I heard you were the closest to Yonna. Did you notice any change in her lately. Did she seem depressed or withdrawn to herself?"
I remembered our birthday. Withdrawn? There's no way I wouldn't have noticed that. I shook my head. The detective seemed to be studying me. "There were no signs? At all? She didn't even make a joke about dying?"
I nodded.
The detective leaned in towards me. " Tell me then, what do you think could've made her decide to end her life? Was it academics? I can understand the pressure on smart students. Could that have been a reason? Was she bullied? Was it a family issue?"
I stared at the pyramid pattern on his jacket. I was beginning to take a fancy to it. He knocked on the table. "No bailing remember?"
I looked up at him. Yonna's body was still imprinted in my head. The bruises on her face. The faint imprints on her neck.
"She remembered the wish." I stated.
He finally showed the curious expression every detective had on their faces. "What wish?" I stare back down. Considering if I should tell him. Wishes were said to become unfulfilled if told to anybody.
"Never to be apart." I say slowly.
The detective wasn't following. " What?!"
" That was the wish. That we would never be apart from each other." I returned my attention to the pyramid pattern. He seemed frustrated. "I need logical reasons to figure out why your sister committed suicide. You're not helping at all."
I glared at him. " Suicide? Did the forensics decide that?" I snapped. He was ready to argue. " I don't see reason why I should reply that question."
I clenched my fists. " My sister was murdered." I made sure to emphasize on every word. The detective crossed his arms. " Have you considered the fact that it could be one of your ' wishful ' thoughts.'
My lashes trembled slightly. The thought of that being true terrified me. I stood up. "I-I have nothing more to say. Hasn't it been more than eight hours? I'm leaving."
_____
I was seated near Yonna's memorial picture in the funeral hall. The black dress I was wearing resonated with my mind. I couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness in me. I was drawing further away from my surroundings. I could hear my mother's faint sobbing. She hadn't stopped crying since that day. I couldn't tell who was in more pain me or her.
Probably her because her child had committed suicide. I stared at Yonna's picture. I had selected that particular picture. That was the day Yonna had smiled her brightest. My parents had lost their child and I had lost my world. We could never recover from it. I turned my attention to the people seating outside. Students from school, co-workers from my parent's workplace. Our neighbors. They all gathered to mourn my sister. I stared down at my hands. Or they came just because they were hypocrites. All of them aside from Jiwon of course.
I could hear their whispering voices. "Weren't they supposed to be close? I heard she hasn't cried at all."
"She is definitely the reason why that poor girl had to commit suicide."
" I guess the saying is true; one bad egg spoils the others."
I closed my eyes, my hands clenching into fists.
They knew nothing at all. What gave them the right to speak about us that way? Suicide? I was tired of hearing that. There had to be something else to it. I was certain.
I tried unsuccessfully to ignore their words. They were just too f*cking loud. I stood up making my way towards them.
I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. My chest suddenly contracted. I held my chest gasping for breath. My line of sight was blurring. I could faintly make out the shape of my mother rushing to my side. I couldn't hear what she said but I guess it was ' are you okay? '
My chest contracted harder. I remembered that day. Was she really okay that day? I wondered as my body caved in to the darkness.
___
"What's wrong with my daughter?" Yuri's mother asked the female doctor seated before her. " Yuri fainted because her brain went into shock. I have to ask. Has she experienced any loss lately?" The doctor asked.
" Yes. Her twin sister recently committed suicide." Yuri's father said holding his wife's hands. The doctor nodded slightly. "My sincere condolences. Yuri has probably not digested the weight of the loss or she refuses to accept it."
Yuri's mother whimpered as she closed her eyes trying to suppress the incoming tears. "What can be done?" Yuri's father asked solemnly.
" I'm afraid the cure lies within Yuri herself. Untill she accepts her loss and chooses to move on, she will keep finding a reason to justify her loss." The doctor paused then added. " You said her sister committed suicide. This is just a speculation but Yuri might believe her sister was murdered."
The doctor's tone was laced with warning. " She may go as far as trying to find the ' murderer '. You have to keep a close watch on her. Or I fear you may end up losing both your daughters."
Yuri's mother burst into tears. " Our poor daughter. What did she do to deserve this!!"