Ah, Valentine's Day. The annual celebration of love, romance, and crippling existential dread. This year, like every other, unfolded like a poorly written rom-com scripted by a caffeine-deprived intern at Hallmark. Our protagonist, Stuti, sat alone in a café on the 50th floor of a Mumbai skyscraper, staring at the city's skyline like it owed her money. The universe, in its infinite wisdom, had once again flipped her the bird, and she was here to catch it with both hands
She was bitching about how her friends were spending their time with love of their life on this one special day.. Thinking why is this bullshit even celeberated..(Forgive, her dear Christians)
Stuti, a woman whose beauty could make the moon jealous, wore a traditional black saree that screamed elegance but whispered, "I'm done with this nonsense." Her red lips, the color of crushed dreams and overpriced wine, were the only pop of color in her otherwise monochrome existence. - It's like that to me atleast, afterall who doesn't like his /her creation
Enters the Higher Being-aka me, the author. Yes, I'm the omnipotent narrator of this tale, the puppet master of this cosmic circus. But before you get any ideas, ladies, I'm not here for romance. I'm here to roast it. Why? Because love is a scam, and I'm the whistleblower.
Cue the editor barging in. "What the hell, dude? You can't just trash romance like that! People love this stuff! Well, except you, apparently. You're like the Grinch of Valentine's Day, but with less charm and more existential angst.".. (spoiler alert:Author is doing double roles as he doesn't have enough money to hire any editor.. He's from India AFTERALL.. .. Not yet a slumdog millionarie you know.. But one day.. I'LL BE.. I SWEAR ON YOUR MONEY')
"Oh, shut up, Editor-san," I retorted. "You're just mad because your favorite 'romance' is Overflow. Yeah, I said it. Don't censor me now.. ."
The crowd in the Colosseum-yes, we're doing a meta-screening of Stuti's life now-erupted in boos. "Get on with it!" they shouted. "We didn't pay for this existential nonsense!" (Spoiler: You didn't pay at all. Freeloaders.Cough Cough)
Fine, fine. Let's get back to Stuti, Don't leave... I need to become a millionarie by your money afterall''
She sipped her coffee, which tasted like regret, and muttered to herself, "Valentine's Day is just a conspiracy by Big Choco companies to sell more heart-shaped garbage by their slave labour churning out the maximum og their profits to fill the stomach of their elphants like bootied.. Damn these cronies... CENSOR The capitalism... "
She was now face-down on the café table, crying into her latte. "This desk is so empty," she mumbled. "Just like my life. Where's my six-foot-tall, bearded, late-night-drive-taking, bed-sharing dreamboat? Universe, I demand a reward! For winning in the sperm race"
The couples at the next tables overheard her and exchanged smirks. Stuti's face turned the same shade as her lipstick. She grabbed her purse, knocked over her chair in her haste, and bolted out of the café like Cinderella after curfew.
As she sped away in her car, lost in a daydream about a boyfriend who didn't exist (but would totally punch anyone who gave her creepy looks at the cafe), she was pulled over by a traffic cop. "Ma'am, you were speeding," he said, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.
"What's the reason?" Stuti snapped, her irritation palpable.
"The reason is physics, ma'am. You broke it. Also, show me your license."
'I ain't selmon bhoi who will Do mother sisters of Physics.. I' m an engineere - She said
Cop looked at her with furious eyes
She fumbled through her bag, only to realize she'd left her ID at the café... She shouted..'' Damn this valentine.. Worst day in this universe....I need my man already ''I asked for a middle finger but instead of him it was the universe that showed it to me..F word''... She looked towards the old police man-"Ugh, of course," she groaned, throwing money at the cop like she was in a Bollywood movie. He raised an eyebrow but took the cash. "Happy Valentine's Day," he muttered sarcastically as she drove off furiously after hearing it
Back at the café, Stuti sheepishly asked the manager about her ID. "Miss Stuti, right? Please have a seat while we look for it," he said, gesturing to the only available chair-across from a man who looked like he'd stepped out of her daydreams. Six feet tall, perfectly groomed beard, jawline sharper than her wit. Stuti's heart did a backflip.
She sat down, blushing furiously, while he casually read a newspaper like he hadn't just become the protagonist of her romantic fantasy... There were stomachs in her butterfly while gleeing him..
And finally the eyes matched while looking at him.. She just wanted to kiss him but she controlled it
Meanwhile, back in the meta-verse, I (the Higher Being) was losing it. "Even a plot Of He**ai is more realistic than this!" I cried, clutching my non-existent pearls.
"Shut up, you incel!" shouted my editor avatar, a nerdy guy with glasses and a chip on his shoulder. "You're just jealous because you're single forever."
"I'm done," I declared. "I can't take this Valentine's Day nonsense anymore.. I am writing this only on valentine's day out of frustration of seeing my friends.. . The show's over, Boys!"
The crowd erupted. "Smash the patriarchy! It's not always the boys who can read!! F the Stereotypes" they chanted.. We dominate this platform..''
"Forgive me, ladies!" I pleaded. "Don't cancel me! BTW, I'm a huge admire of Mrs. Giorgia Meloni!.. You go, girl....
A notification popped on my phone...Wait!?Why am I trending on this Social media.. Wait, did I just get cancelled? Oops.. Come for the next part though!!!! '' It won't have that much of meta jokes..I mean maybe... It'll become repetitive so yeah... It's romcom only..