Ghosts always come from the left.
That was a saying members of the Tatari clan learned from childhood. It came from the fact that ghosts could only be seen by the living when the latter peeked at them with the corner of their left eye.
Yet, the ghost now standing before Noriko needed no such trick to be seen.
"HoOOooHooHo!!! MerRY Chri-Chri-CHRI-Christmas!!!"
A red outfit, a white beard and a bag as big as his belly. This was a sight most people would recognize, the sight of one of the most known figures on earth. Yes, before her stood Santa Claus in the flesh. Yet, there was something odd about him.
"Agent ARN! Agent ARN!!!" Noriko, or rather ARN, heard it coming from the communication device in her red scarf.
"Yes?" she replied.
"Have you found the target yet?! This is urgent, people are already receiving presents!!!"
"Yes," she replied.
Lost in a frozen forest on the North Pole stood a wooden house hiding the factory of the threat level 57 ghost known as Santa. As soon as the first Christmas movies started airing, he would start his work, silently judging every human on the globe sending them good presents if they had been good, or bad presents if they had been naughty.
Originally, he was a ghost so powerful that the foundation didn't see the need to bother with him. Besides, he was somewhat beneficial to the world, encouraging good children and pranking the naughty ones.
But then, the Internet came around.
Nobody knows how an old ghost took a hang of it—those beings weren't known to be the most adaptatives—but he did, he went mad. Not only did he not stop at judging children anymore—age doesn't really exist on the Internet anyway–but all of his judgements lead to the same single verdict: naughty.
And naughty only had a thing awaiting them: a long and painful death.
Thankfully, that's when the foundation came in. Sending him a mail, they request each 24th of December a showdown between one the almost godly being and one sole employee with the destiny of the world on the line.
"Remember, agent ARN," the woman's voice in the device hissed, "We practiced this many times. You know what to do, don't you?"
"Yes," replied ARN, stepping in the snow towards her target, her katana in her left hand.
"Oh?! OH! O-o-ooh?! You aRe aPPROching Me? RAthEr than ru-RUNNING away YoU are ApPROaching ME?!" asked Santa, his voice glitching between the one you had expected from him, the voice of a little kid, the voice of a violent sounding man, and the voice of a seductive young woman.
He smiled at ARN revealing perfect white teeth and countless camera-like eyes covering his whole face. This was the extent of the corruption the Internet was capable of.
The cold air was filling with sparks as the showdown grew nearer. Suddenly, it was ARN who seemed to disappear for a second only to appear a few centimeters from the towering red man, her blade ready to strike.
"[Thealphapigeon] did nothing wrong!"
Her sword met the man's fist, sending sparks flying as they pushed their against one another.
"ThEy disliKED a VideO without e-e-e-even SEEING it!!!"
With the back of his hand he sent her flying hundreds of meters away before crouching on the ground, doing an explosive jump to catch her mid-air. Once he was above her, he grabbed his bag preparing to smash her down.
But ARN had other plans.
"The video was all trash talk!!!" she yelled, blocking the hit with her blade.
She was still sent to the ground, her back breaking through many trees before finally landing in an explosion of snow.
"Agent ARN!!! Agent ARN!!!" yelled the woman behind the communication device.
"*cough**cough* Still… Still kicking," she replied slowly standing up again.
She wiped the blood coming from her mouth as the forest trembled with each of Santa's steps.
"ThEy couldn't HAave knOwn wiTHOUt OpenIng it!" she heard before seeing a decorated pine tree flying towards her like a lance.
With a swift move ARN jumped in the air spinning like a ballerina barely avoiding the projectile. As soon as she landed however, Santa was already close enough to prepare a crushing blow. His fist went down crushing ARN with all of his strength making the whole forest shake.
"Aha! It sEEms y-yOur argUmEntS were too WEAK aftEr all," he said raising his fist to look at the crushed remains of his opponent.
However…
"H-hUH?"
All that remained was a red scarf and a black katana.
"The title…" he suddenly heard before receiving a powerful blow on his jaw.
"THE TITLE WAS 'WHY MAGICAL FASOL IS CRAP'!!!"
The blow was so powerful that it staggered the giant red man, but ARN did plan to stop. She had more powerful arguments in reserve.
As she landed on the ground, she breathed deeply. It was time to use one the 99 techniques of the Tatari clan.
"Ghost Subjugation Technique – 11th Form: Rain of Arguments!!!"
She jumped again aiming at her opponent's face.
"THE TUMBLER IMAGE HAD FASOL LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL MORON WHEN SHE IS ACTUALLY A PROFOUND CHARACTER!!!"
"IT STARTED WITH A RANDOM SCENE WHICH OUT CONTEXT MADE IT LOOK LIKE HER TEACHER WAS A PEDOPHILE!!!"
"IT TOTALLY IGNORED THE SERIES GREAT LESSONS AND VALUES AND DRAGGED ON ABOUT THE SAME THINGS AN HOUR!!!"
"THE METUBER ADMITTED NEVER HAVE SEEN THE SHOW!!!"
"NO ORANGE EPISODE MENTIONED!!!"
"DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE PLOT!!!"
With each argument, ARN landed a new blow with such speed and precision that Santa Claus was totally unable to see them coming let alone part them.
"[Thealphapigeon] GREW UP WITH THE SERIES!!!"
"THEY POSTED THAT THE SERIES HELPED THEM GET OVER THEIR MOTHER'S DEATH!!!"
"YET DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE METUBER REPLIED?!!"
Her voice dropped.
"Lol stop being dramatic man. It's just a kid's show."
Her last blow has landed and Santa was left on his knees. All of camera-like eyes were broken and his previously perfect smile was now laconic. Yet, the will to win this argument was still strong in him. He had to win, he had to prove that he was right.
Standing up despite his injuries, he ran after ARN who already turned her back to him to roll back her long red-scarf. His loud steps pathetically echoed in the forest just like his now fully glitched voice.
"S–S-S-S-S-S-S-SOURce?!!"
ARN turned around, her yellow eyes gleaming in the cold night. Santa could only a few lights flicker. The second after, he was in pieces like a jigsaw puzzle scattered on the snow.
"Read the comments," replied ARN before turning around, her scarf flowing with the wind.
The glimmer in Santa's eyes disappeared but his smile remained.
"L-Like…"
Yes. Yes, this has been a good argument.