How long will this keep happening? How many worlds will summon me to be their champion? How many bodies must I leave in my wake? And, how long will I keep pretending that I enjoy it?
I had once. Born of two Gods, the embodiment of War that they were created me, Radnovic, the most powerful God ever to exist in the multiverse, and yet, they labeled me as flawed, and imperfect, all because of one trait that Gods were not supposed to possess.
I had a conscience. I had emotion. I cared when others did not. I hesitated to kill, when others did not. Hell, some of the humans that summoned me felt less than I did, yet I always tried to please my parents. I wanted them to see me as their son, and not as a failure. My strength didn't appease their ire, and they only seen it as a shame that one as powerful as me had the greatest weakness of all. Regret for those I killed, sadness for those I failed to keep alive. Grief for the loss of people I saw as friends.
These thoughts haunted me even now as I helped the human empire of this world storm the elven capital. It was a noble goal, as the elves had ruled this world with an iron grip for so long, but their methods were barbaric, and cruel. I thought I had finally found a calling that spoke to me, until I saw the human empire doing much the same. The things I saw on both sides would give me nightmares for the rest of my eternal life.
Why did I still answer the call to war? Why did I let these things happen when I had the power to stop it? There was a code yes, that a God that answers a call must fulfill their duty, but I could have denied it. I could have refused.
"YOU ARE A DISGRACE!" My father's voice rung through my head.
Ah, that's right. I wanted acceptance, and I wanted their approval. I would have done anything to have it. Would have. I didn't even realize everything would change after today, so that's why I kicked down the doors to the elven throne room. The troop of guards behind me stormed in.
"ATTACK!" The commander yelled, and I did what I was summoned to do.
And so, I used my power to strip the elven guards, and the elven royalty of their magic, and a one sided slaughter began. I acted numb to it. I pretended that it didn't bother me, and I held back everything I wanted to say and do as the elves begged for their lives, yet were shown no mercy.
I looked around the throne room, corpse after corpse strewn around every inch of the floor. The Emperor cried, he begged, and he pleaded for them to spare his family, yet there was no mercy shown here today. After the human troops slit the throats of his wife, and children that were present, he eyes became hallow sockets as he gave up the will to live. I couldn't watch anymore, and I decided to busy myself with something else.
I explored the throne room, hearing the cries and gurgles as the Emperor's family bled out, and I walked faster, shame filling me. I pushed open a door, one that led down, and I followed it to the bottom. It appeared I had walked down into a jail, or a dungeon, but the cells were either empty, or the people that were inside were already rotting corpses.
I held my helmeted head in my hands as I ventured further below, as I found another staircase that led even deeper. At the bottom of the stairs, there was a single door, and from behind it, I heard someone humming a soft tune. It was sad, it beautiful, it was life, and it was death. I bent the lock to the door, and walked inside. There, in the middle of the room in the ground sat a young woman. An elf. She looked no more than 16 or 17, at least in human years. If I went by elven years, she was probably close to 50 or even 60 by now. Elves were the only race in all of the multiverse besides the Gods who would reach their peak maturity, and then never age after that. They were immortal, but not invincible.
She was a pretty thing, but she was filthy. She smelled of feces, tear stains ran down the dirt caked on her face, and her hair was so dirty I couldn't even tell what color it was.
"That's a pretty tune." I said, walking closer to her.
She had noticed me the moment I ripped the door down, but she didn't even react. Like she was absolved to her fate.
"Thanks. It's all that has kept me from going insane in here. Lotta noise up there." She said, finally meeting my eyes.
The green that was present in most elves was present here too, although in the dark of the room, they glowed like beautiful emerald crystals.
"Who are you? And why are you down here?" I asked.
In truth, it was all a distraction, and yet... I felt like I had to speak to her. Like I was drawn to her.
"I am Princess sjjfjdak." She said, and I blinked.
Oh, that's right... I had stopped listening to peoples names for so long that my mind now just seemed to automatically blank them from my mind. What was the point if everyone I knew would die? She continued.
"As for... well, this, it's punishment." She said and I quirked an eyebrow.
"Punishment?" I asked, and she nodded.
"My father, my mother, my siblings, they all told me the same thing. Every single day. Humans are ants. They all must die. Elves are superior to all life, and yet, I asked them, 'Why?"
Now I was intrigued, so I sat down in front of her, and gestured for her to continue.
"The fighting, the death, the blood. I hate it. Why must we fight? Why can't we learn to understand each other, and live together? Why does it have to be like this? So, I denounced them and their teachings, and here I am. And since you are down here, looking like a demon or war, I must ask you, is my family dead?" She asked.
"Yes." I replied, feeling no need to hide this from her.
She closed her eyes, breathed in deep, and then opened her eyes again and nodded.
"I see. I did love them, but only because they were family. Everything else, I hated. What they did, how they acted, how they treated people... I feel worse for them than my own family. Does that make me a bad person?" She asked, and I blinked, and really thought about it.
"N... no. I don't think it does. But you could have avoided this by just agreeing with them. Then you wouldn't be down here." I said, but did I even believe my own words?
"True, that would have been the easy way. Still, it doesn't matter if its family, friends, or even the whole world. If something is wrong, if it feels wrong, I won't accept it. I will do the right thing, even if it means my death." She said.
I opened my mouth to respond, but then I closed it. Her words hit me in a way nothing had ever before. I've been punched by Gods of Destruction, almost killed by God's of Annihilation, and yet none of that hit me like these simple words did. Yes, they were simple words, yet also deeply profound in a way I never considered. No, no that wasn't right. I ignored the simplicity of those words.
"If something is wrong, feels wrong, then I won't accept it." I repeated the words.
She smiled at me, and then her face went neutral as footsteps sounded behind me.
"Was wondering where you went. Oh, one yet lives! Pretty young thing." The commander said as he and a troop of guards entered the small room.
"Hmm." Was all I said, still contemplating the words in my mind.
"I bet she'll scream like you wouldn't believe when we flay her skin. It'll be music to my ears." A man said, and I twitched upon hearing that.
The worst part, the saddest part, that really stood out to me, was how the girl didn't even react. She just smiled at me, and it made me feel like the most miserable piece of shit in the multiverse.
"We can have some fun with her first right? Elf or not, a wet hole is still a wet hole." The man said.
This time, the Princess did react, and a fear, one so sad, and so heartwrenching, etched her features.
The commander laughed.
"Ha! There's the look I wanted to see. Yes, I think that'll be a great idea. She can be useful to us before she dies." He said, and began walking towards us.
I could just walk away. Go on to the next world like I always have. I could...
I saw her face again. Tears streaked down her face as they were filled with dread and horror.
"If something is wrong, if it feels wrong, then I won't accept it."
Something inside of my changed while sitting on that prison floor. It was so simple. I... I didn't need approval. I didn't those people who called me thejr family. I didn't need to do this. I didn't need to accept this.
"No." I whsipered.
I reached over, and carefully, I pinched the shackles around her feet and arms, ripping them free with ease. Then men behind me cheered, but they wouldn't be soon. I accessed my spacial storage, and pulled out an item only the Gods could make. I was able to transport myself between worlds without this, but...
"Here, take this." I said, gently placing it in her hands.
"W-w-what is this?" She asked me, still terrified.
"It's an orb of teleportation. It's used to travel between worlds. Use it. Imagine a nice, and peaceful place, and the orb will find a world for you that matches what you are envisioning. It will only work once, so make sure you really think about what you want." I said, and she stared at me in disbelief.
Tears fell down her face, and she asked.
"Who are you? And why are you doing this?" She asked, and I smiled despite the fact that couldn't see it.
"I'm Radnovic." I said, and her eyes widened, "Yes. That Radnovic. And why?"
I thought about, but it was like my brain was rewired now, like I was almost someone else entirely.
"Because I'm tired of pretending that I don't care." I said.
She stared at me from a while, and then, in a move that I could have never expected, she kissed the side of my helmet, and stood, backing away from us. I stood as well, knowing what must be done.
The commander walked up next to me.
"Ah, you have good taste, my friend. It's more fun when they kick and scream. It-" He never finshed.
I backhanded him so hard that his body simply evaporated, leaving nothing but a bloody mist behind. Everyone was silent. An aura of red surrounded me, red ethereal wings appearing on my back, and my trusty greatsword appeared in my right hand.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" One of the soldiers asked as I strode forward.
"Atoning for my sins, with your blood."
I glanced a look back at the elf girl when I felt portal magic activate. Inside of the portal, I saw lush trees, long fields of grass, and a bright and shining sun. I smiled.
"Take care of yourself, Princess." I said.
One final tear fell from her eyes, before she asked.
"Will... will I ever seen you again?" She asked.
"For your sake, no... no I hope not." I replied.
With a final sob that tore at my insides, she jumped through the portal, and it closed behind her. Why were my eyes stinging? Huh, no matter. I removed my helmet, and my long red hair fell to my shoulders. I looked at my helmet, seeing the dirty lip stains of the kiss I had gotten, and I smiled. I would cherish this forever.
It was the first time anyone had ever shown me an affection, any gratitude, any thanks. I put it in time dilated storage, allowing me to keep the memory of my first good deed with me for the rest of my days. I began forward again, my purpose now standing for something better.
The fight that ensued afterwards didn't even count as a fight. I slaughtered each of them with no mercy, banishing their souls to never again walk the living.
After that, I went mad with grief, over the things I'd done, ignored, or just told myself I didn't care about. Once I was done killing everyone here who deserved death, I didn't stop there.
I portaled between each and every world I'd ever been to, and the process repeated itself. For some people, I saved them from a terrible fate. For others, it was far too late, those bodies of countless men, women, and children would haunt me for as long as I lived.
How long did I do this for? 100 years? 200? I don't know. I lost count, and frankly, I didn't care. So many broken worlds, many caused by me, needed fixing. And while I couldn't fix them all, I would see justice served.
And just like that, I cut the head off of the first man who had ever summoned me. He was vile, a murderer, a rapist, a fiend. I stopped his head into paste, and I fell to my knees, breathing heavily. The bodies of the people I was too late to save lay all around me, and I began to tremble.
"I'm so sorry. Forgive me." I said, feeling my eyes stinging again.
I felt them, and looked at my fingers. They came back wet.
"Ah... right. Tears." I said, and I cried, and cried some more
●●●
Walking away from everything I ever knew felt... so much better than I would have ever imagined, but it was drowned in guilt and self pity. Could I ever forgive myself? Maybe, maybe not, but did I feel I deserved that? No, no I didn't.
I had already decided I would never return home. I would never answer another summon ever again. I wanted no part in assisting with genocide or atrocities ever again. The princess still floated through my mind every day. Her gratitude, her sincerity, her hope, and her sadness. I hoped she found the peace she deserved.
I found myself sitting on top of the highest cliff of this world, looking down at the damage I had wrought. I was thinking, wondering, maybe I couldn't ever forgive myself, but what if I at least tried? I wasn't going home, but the mortals I got along with seemed like better people than anyone in the Immortal realm. They weren't so bad, despite what my family told me. Yes, some were twisted, and evil, but many were also kind, and considerate.
"Could... could I start over? Away from all of the death, pain, and destruction?" I asked myself.
I was a God, one of War, yet I had no desire to fight in another war ever again. Life in these worlds seemed like it could be peaceful, and if I never tried, how would I know? Gods aren't perfect. They are flawed and broken, good and evil, and that's what makes our great power so terrible.
"Imagine a nice and peaceful place."
I stood, having made up my mind. It was a funny thing when you figured out that you should follow your own advice. I closed my eyes, and thought about a peaceful place. One where I could rest, relax, and find my best chance at peace. The elf went through my mind again, but I shook it off. I would cherish that exchange for the rest of my days, and I hoped that she too had found peace. I felt ashamed, it was dark, and so long, that I didnt even remember her face.
When I opened my eyes, I was met with a sight that I took my breath away. Lush grass surrounded a lake, fish jumped out of the water biting at flying insects, and small animal ran around the clearing without a care in the world.
"Well, it's worth a shot." I said, and with trembling hands, I walked through the portal, and would try my best to start anew, and be better than I was.