For the first time in a long time, I can finally stand on the balcony and not have the urge to jump off. This feeling amazed me as life has always been a blur. It passes by so easily but it is hard at the same time.
They always said "Live in the moment and appreciate the little things"
However, it didn't take away the hollowness inside.
Empty, quiet, and dark. All you can do is just smile while you try not to let the tears roll down.
They always said life is a gift from God.
But I always doubted my existence. It feels like hell, with constant pain, hurt, and sorrow.
It is just a pity that they will say "I am always there for you" but once you start opening up and sharing they say "Stop making yourself special we are all going through a lot"
So I guess jumping off felt better.
I had always struggled answering this question 'What makes you happy?'
What is happiness after all when life feels like a constant competition and ticking off boxes in the name of accomplishment?
Then I ask myself while I look at myself in the mirror.
"Do you want to jump off?"
Oh, you just don't know how to live.
Breathe.