Standing over the dead body of my late husband did not give me the satisfaction I thought it would.

I was married off to Chad Green, a man 30 years older than me when I was 18. He was my father's business partner and a friend of the family. A tall, dark man whose facial expression always remains stale.

I cried my eyes the night told me I was going to marry Chad. I remember pleading with teary eyes thinking my Dad would take pity on his daughter but he never did. To him, I was just a piece that would strengthen the family business.

I felt alone, ignored, and neglected. Everyone says that mothers have a soft spot for their children, I guess mine was made from a different factory. My mother was everything but soft, she didn't care about me but she sure did care for her husband. Always at his beak and call and won't lift a finger to help me if that means going against her beloved husband. So I wasn't surprised when she didn't object to me marrying a man 30 years older than I. She called me selfish instead for thinking about what I wanted only and not about what would benefit the family.

I guess I should have thought about my family. A place I never fit in and they don't seem to hide that fact. A family where I have no free will and everything I do must be calculated to benefit the great family. My friends were picked, and my boyfriends changed as fast as my father's deal. He believed that my body was his business' secret weapon

And with all that I have sacrificed for this family, I know with everything in me that the company will be left to my only brother, Victor. He is the real definition of a dummy who only cares about how to spend money and never about how to make it. It is no lie that everything they put me through would be in vain.

* * *

I woke with a terrible headache after crying myself to sleep the previous night. I look in the mirror and the reflection that stares back at me is terrifying, I look horrible, and of all days it has to be on my wedding day.

Lost in thought, I didn't realize when Lena, my best friend since I was 3, walked in with a cup of tea. "Thinking about your big day" her voice jeered me out of my thoughts. I smile lazily at her, saying, "I guess being married to Chad won't be as bad as living in this hell hole." "Whatever you say, love." She replied in between chuckles.

Lena has been my best friend for the longest time, and I couldn't imagine anyone who would be with me as I make the worst decision of my life, sorry, as my parents made the worst decision of my life.

I still can't believe that my life is about to change for the worst and I feel like I can not do anything about it.

I might not be excited about a lot of things today but one thing is I'm sure excited about my wedding dress. A custom-made ball gown with little diamonds beaded in from the top to the bottom making it sparkle as the light hits it paired with a diamond crown placed on top of a long flowing veil with a matching diamond necklace, watch, and bracelet. It is safe to say that I was soaked in diamonds.

I made sure that I spent on the most expensive of everything, I did this thinking it would make him angry enough to call off the wedding but he never expressed any anger, not once was I called to order.

When the make-up artist was done with my face, it was time for me to put on my gown. "Woah, this gown is heavy," I said to myself. "Wait, wait, wait, let me close my eyes before you put it on," Lena screamed. Before I could say anything she closed her eyes.

The dress on me looked beautiful, I hardly recognized the girl staring back at me. And for a moment I let my imagination run wild. I imagined I was getting married to the love of my life, a man so sweet and kind, prayerful and thoughtful, a man who has spoken more than 3 sentences to me in the past 12 weeks. I imagined the love I always wanted for myself. A love filled with laughter, love letters, dancing in the rain, hide-and-seek, a love that makes me happy.

"Can I open my eyes now," Lena asked. "Lena no one asked you to close your eyes," I told her jokingly "You can open them, I am done." She opened her eyes, looking at me with her mouth open" Can you stop gaping at me like that, you are being creepy" I told her but that didn't stop her. "You look beautiful" she exclaimed. I muttered a thank you and looked back to the oval mirror in the corner of my room to glance at myself for the last time before I sold my happiness to a 48-year-old man.

I heard a gentle knock on the door followed by my mother's voice "Penelope, are you done? The car will be here in the next ten minutes" I muttered under my breath "I am ready, can you now leave me alone." "Y'all relationships are weird, how can no one in your home help you get ready for your wedding, and you are getting married for them", Lena said with annoyance. I sighed, ignoring her statement, and said, "time to say goodbye to my lovely childhood home."

The next knock I heard on my door was Victor telling me the car was outside waiting for me. "The car is here and Penelope, you look like a fat pig in that gown", he said as he raced off my room. I sighed having no energy to acknowledge his comment.

Amidst the chaos unfolding around me—the scattered room from my preparations, the constant screams echoing through the house—I realized this wasn't a dream; it was my reality. I'm getting married, I'm getting married to Chad Green, I gulped as I let that sink into my head.

Lena noticed the panic on my face made me sit down and took my hands into hers, " I CAN'T DO THIS, I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED AT LEAST NOT TO HIM," I burst out with tears in my eyes. Lena didn't say anything she held me tightly patting my back till I got my breath back only then did she speak up "You don't have to do it if you don't want to. I can help you disappear." For a minute I considered it then I thought about else, "Le, what if I get married to him and stash some cash for myself and leave when I have enough, we both know the whole inheritance would go to my brainless brother. So why not use Green for his money since my family is already doing the same, he is a billionaire I doubt he would ever notice it." Lena loved the idea but she was still a little bit concerned "Pepe, are you sure you can pull that off? I don't want anything happening to you. And do you have to sacrifice your happiness for this?" I knew that what she said made sense about sacrificing my happiness for money but I would be leaving the marriage soon and I would have a lot of time to be happy and free.

A few minutes later I was walking down the aisle, with a smile on my face. Determined to put the anger within to good use.

* * *

Chad died on his way back from a bar. I got a call from the hospital a few minutes after 1 am on a Wednesday telling me that Chad got into a bad accident and I was his emergency contact.

I washed my face, got dressed, and told Mary, our help, to tell Drew, my son, that I would be back soon when he woke up and drove to the hospital. On getting there, I filled out the necessary form, and I was ushered into his room. I couldn't quite recognize the man I was staring at, he looked horrible. Half of his face was scraped so badly that I could see the bone. The image of him before me made me gag and for a minute I felt pity for him.

He died a couple of hours later and was buried after a week. Mr Green's funeral was graced by many prominent men and women. People kept meeting me to extend their condolences and sympathize with us and if I was being honest, I didn't feel anything, and not a single tear was shed for him. The only emotion I felt was toward Drew who lost his father.

After the funeral was done and the people were gone, anger invited herself in and rested within me. All these years, I have fantasized about his death and now it has happened the freedom I would have enjoyed turned into rage.

Memories of everything I have endured from the night of our marriage up to this day tormented me day and night.

Even in his death he still tormented me.