Meanwhile in the real world, CatCatEatsNoMedicine was voraciously consuming the unfolding drama. When the Aerial Blimp Squadron materialized, she exploded with excitement.
"Whoa, bros! So this is Fontaine's technology?!"
As CatCatEatsNoMedicine watched Fontaine's aerial fleet in the sky, her eyes lit up.
When Hydro Archon Furina appeared on the projection screen, CatCatEatsNoMedicine gasped sharply, contributing his own share to global warming.
"This is insane! Folks, I thought Fontaine was just steampunk, but they've already developed future tech!?"
"This is too ridiculous! The worldbuilding's getting contradictory!"
CatCatEatsNoMedicine stared intently at Furina seated on the red leather chair, her gaze constantly shifting between her white jellyfish-like hairstyle and short shorts, unable to resist swallowing hard.
Damn, this flamboyant type isn't really my type.
But she's a white-haired beauty! And those short shorts!
Every Chinese person has a white hair fetish! But I'm sure CatCatEatsNoMedicine isn't transferring her affection!
Themis, how skilled you are at choosing superiors! Does the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles know this?!
[We Fontainians have our own aerial fleet! ]
[Stunned, eh kid? Fontaine engineering is the best in the world!]
[Heh heh, we Fontainians have our own void terminals! ]
[Whoa~ So that's the Hydro Archon? What a rushed encounter!]
["Heh heh heh, Furina, my little puff pastry, so soft and delicate. One punch and you'd probably cry for hours, wouldn't you?"]
["Hey, dude above, aren't you worried Furina might beat you black and blue?"]
["Doesn't matter. I've only got one last way to go, and when the time comes, I'll make her cry and plead with me not to die!"]
["Sick! You just killed me! Hey, can we pull off a scam here? She looks all defenseless and stuff."]
["I initially thought 'Idyia, the Oceanid Guardian Corps Captain,' was already pushing the boundaries of absurdity!"]
"To think there's something even more ludicrous! Hiring a hitman to murder someone just for a court appearance! You better keep your paws off my wife, punk!"
CatCatEatsNoMedicine couldn't help but marvel, "The Fontaineans sure know how to pull off some wild stunts!"
"First, we had Idyia, the Guardian Corps Captain, and now we have the Furina Protection Act. I'd love to see just how many more tricks Fontaine has up its sleeve!"
"Seems like Mihoyo's changed its tune, now that it's learned a thing or two from HSR's playbook."
"Wading through oceans of memes, I've finally uncovered some actual game content?"
[Furina Protection Act, does this law apply to going out on a date with Furina?]
[If I were to sneak up on Furina at night, how many years would I be looking at for my sentence?]
[How would marrying Furina impact my legal standing?]
[What if Furina were to marry me instead? Would that break any laws?]
[Taking bold moves and giving Furina a proper vacation!]
[You're spot-on! After all, rules are meant to be broken, aren't they?]
"My wife Themis seriously dominates the scene in Fontaine, with a whole army of real-life love rivals. Who knew that even in the game, I'd have to face off against the entire city of Fontaine as her enemy!"
CatCatEatsNoMedicine smacked the table. "Will I lose? Can I possibly lose to them?! Absolutely not!"
[I'm Qi Qi, love ya~]
[KeQing, one of the Seven Sages of Liyue, looking for me?]
[I'm Mona, hello there.]
Staring at rows of "Mona", "KeQing", "Qi Qi loves you"..., CatCatEatsNoMedicine felt a heart attack coming on.
He opened the wish screen, glanced at his wishes and primos, and instantly sighed in relief.
"That's a relief! I'm well-prepared!"
"These are the dowry riches from my wealthy wife!"
He opened the wish screen, glanced at his Intertwined Fates and Primogems, and instantly sighed in relief.
"That's a relief! I'm fully prepared!"
"This is the dowry for my wife's full constellations and refinements!"
[????]
[Oh no, am I seeing things?]
[How much—! ?????]
[Six hundred forty-eight?! Chat! 648 Intertwined Fates! Not 648 Primogems!]
[And she still has over ten thousand Primogems!]
[She hasn't even used this year's first-purchase double bonus!]
[I'm about to cry—!]
[Oh man, so I'm the only broke one here!?]
[Rich CatCat lady—adopt me please!]
Themis, who had infiltrated the livestream, twitched her eye. This streamer clearly loved herself to obsession.
But alas, her heart belonged solely to Furina—this unrequited love was doomed from the start.
Mentally, Themis apologized to CatCatEatsNoMedicine, the adorable yet wealthy lady.
She stole a glance at Furina struggling with her desserts, her loyalty overflowing for her chosen archon.
The only regret was Archon Focalors remaining sealed within the Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale, beyond reach. Otherwise, it would've been double the happiness for Themis!
The delightful and whimsical Lady Furina would be hers!
Some of Focalors' essence is mine as well!
Come at me, Mihoyo, with me, Themis, overseeing the battle, your blade technique will surely be thwarted!
After mentally reviewing her plan, Themis looked at Furina with even greater affection.
With this move, Focalors definitely won't die.
But will I survive...? Tsk, truth be told, Themis was still somewhat uncertain.
However, aspiring to be like the Overseer, she was determined to become the pure love war god of Teyvat's branch office!
Her attention returned to the live stream, wanting to observe how the plot unfolded further.
Before her transmigration, Themis had been a Genshin Impact player. Although she had completed all Fontaine's storyline, now there was an additional herself within the game.
Currently, Themis found herself in the first cycle, while in the forum live stream, players were showing her the second cycle with the extra presence of herself.
In essence, you slackers, get your act together and advance the plot already!
Watching CatCatEatsNoMedicine's havoc akin to a band of marauders, not even sparing Romaritime Harbor's sweet flowers, Themis felt somewhat helpless. This was precisely why she didn't want the Traveler to be controlled by the Fourth Great Calamity, Anemo Archon.
Marauders left no stone unturned, stripping landscapes bare and leaving not a blade of grass behind.
Compared to them, the original Lumine seemed all the more endearing.
CatCatEatsNoMedicine sneezed.
Rubbing her nose in confusion, still somewhat dazed, she muttered under her breath, "Dammit, which of those guys is spreading all that crap behind my back?"
Bearing her fangs, CatCatEatsNoMedicine vented her frustration on a passing little crab.
As Themis watched CatCatEatsNoMedicine run in circles, unable to find her way, and struggle repeatedly to climb Romaritime Harbor's steps only to fall from exhaustion, she couldn't help but snicker inwardly.
"Goddammit! Why is it so hard to call this elevator?!"
CatCatEatsNoMedicine was losing her mind!
[This cat doesn't seem too bright, does she?]
[Cracked me up—this Fontaine person probably never imagined anyone would try rock-climbing instead of using the elevator.]
[I mean, Fontaine's tech isn't exactly primitive. Why does this cat keep thinking there's no proper road to the harbor?]
[Case solved: she's not that smart, haha!]
[Let me just laugh at her intelligence level for a minute.]
Amidst everyone's ridicule, CatCatEatsNoMedicine's face turned bright red as she finally spotted the elevator to the top of Fontaine's Romaritime Harbor.
She tapped on the statue of the seven, unlocking the map of Fontaine's first district.
"Listen, family, this isn't my fault!" CatCatEatsNoMedicine insisted, her voice strained. "I'm just an out-of-towner trying to get around. Where are the staff? It's definitely their screw-up!"
The stubborn kitty refused to admit defeat.
[Could it be that even in reality, the elevator doesn't come with attendants?]
"It's always been like this over the years. Why don't you try looking for problems within yourself?!"
This comment was the final straw for CatCatEatsNoMedicine, dealing her a crushing blow.
Could it really be that there's something wrong with my mind?
For three agonizing seconds, self-doubt gnawed at CatCatEatsNoMedicine.
No, forget it. Let's just go check on that cat girl we saw earlier.
She chose to ignore the earlier conversation and instead, began searching for the cat-eared beauty.
When her camera had been helplessly flailing around earlier, trying to reach the statue, her viewpoint had been abruptly forced onto the cat girl. The humiliation of so easily falling and nearly dying was a debt she hadn't forgotten.
Locating the spot where their paths had crossed, she wandered around until she found a young woman with cat ears and tail by the seaside.
Her modeling is far superior to those extras, CatCatEatsNoMedicine couldn't help but think. She looked closer, then spoke with narcissistic self-assurance, "Well, she's nothing special. Nowhere near as cute as me!"
The chat comments mercilessly mocked her. CatCatEatsNoMedicine bristled at the taunts, refusing to admit that this was indeed her fault.
"Shut up! Don't you dare bring that up again. It was just a small mistake!"
She stood with hands on her hips, fed up with these untamed netizens.
"You lot are by far the worst batch I've ever dealt with!"
"Ugh, some fans have absolutely no sense of boundaries!"
The screen was flooded with "lololololol" as CatCatEatsNoMedicine involuntarily chuckled along, typing away.
-
In the world of Genshin Impact, at Romaritime Harbor in Fontaine—
Upon arriving, Traveler Lumine and Paimon were immediately praised by the Archon Furina.
To the Fontaine folk, always eager for a good time, the two were prime targets for friendship.
As Lumine's external vocalizer unit, Paimon hurriedly fended off a crowd of admirers. Turning back, she realized Lumine was intently staring in one direction.
"Paimon," Lumine whispered, "What's that over there?"
Lumine pointed towards her line of sight, explaining, "There's a girl..."
Following the traveler's gaze, Paimon spotted a maiden standing by the seaside.
"Has something happened to her? I hope she's not contemplating a leap into the sea... Um, perhaps we should go over and check on her, just in case?"
Feeling a sense of responsibility to save a young girl's life, Lumine and Paimon approached, intent on understanding the situation. If the maiden was contemplating suicide, it would be an opportunity to perform a good deed and save her life.
"Um, excuse me," Paimon began cautiously, "h-how are you doing?"
The cat-eared girl shifted her attention from the water, responding instinctively, "Thank you, I'm fine."
"That's... that's good to hear. You looked like... um, something might be troubling you," Paimon said.
"There are many things... that can only remain within my heart. It's just the way it has to be," Lynette said quietly.
"I was just reminiscing about the place where my brother and I used to play when we were little. It was right on that small hill—see..."
Facing two of Teyvat's most celebrated heroes, Paimon and Lumine, who she was well-informed about, didn't hesitate to engage in conversation. In fact, they even hoped to further strengthen their bond, which would be better for her.
Paimon, following Lynette's gaze, found herself utterly confused. "Uh... you're pointing at the sea. Wait, hold on—is it that you and your brother lived in the sea when you were younger?"
Lumine's eyes also widened. "Merfolk?"
In her understanding, human form and living in the sea meant merfolk. This possibility made Lumine's eyes sparkle with enthusiasm; she had yet to encounter merfolk in Teyvat.
"Though people often call the waters around Fontaine the 'sea'... it's actually just a vast freshwater lake," Lynette explained.
"That small hill etched so clearly in my memory now rests so naturally at the bottom of the lake."
"He was jumping around over there, kicking up a cloud of dust. The air was filled with the scent of sunlight and sea breeze."
"The sea is slowly swallowing our memories... and then us..."
At this point, Lynette's gaze dimmed, a heavy shadow crossing her usually expressionless face for no discernible reason.
"...I-I don't quite understand..." Paimon scratched her head, feeling utterly confused by Lynette's words. "It's like I've suddenly been hit with some profound realization."
Lumine chimed in, "I've got a creepy feeling that trouble's on its way."
Paimon and Lumine exchanged hushed words. This mysterious sign had foretold trouble in each of the previous four countries they'd visited.
They'd encounter people muttering strange incantations, speaking gibberish that made no sense. Then, for no apparent reason, Lumine would find herself running errands.
As Paimon and Lumine pondered what this latest commission might be, a spirited young boy approached them.
"New faces! Are you Lynette's new friends?"
The spirited young man wore an amiable smile as he approached uninvited, oozing with familiarity.
"Ah, you're..." Paimon trailed off, looking at the youth sporting a bowler hat and asking in puzzlement.
"Oh, let me introduce ourselves. I'm Lyney, and this is my younger sister, Lynette."
Smiling, Lyney stood next to Lynette, introducing their family.
Since Lyney had already presented themselves, Paimon didn't want to be rude.
"Hello, I'm Paimon, and this is Lumine. We've just arrived in Fontaine."
Lumine, standing beside Paimon, nodded toward Lyney and Lynette, considering that a proper greeting.
"I know; you're the Traveler and Paimon, mentioned by Lady Furina herself. I never expected to meet you here."
Hearing this, Paimon felt somewhat embarrassed.
"Eh heh heh, we're already that famous in Fontaine?"
"Of course! Don't underestimate Lady Furina's influence here. Her popularity has been Number One for years now."
"Well, she is a archon," Paimon mused. "It's not surprising her sway is so strong."
Lumine nodded in understanding. Although the Hydro Archon's appearance was somewhat unexpected, she felt that this stay in Fontaine would likely be relatively smooth sailing.
She didn't have strong opinions about whether the Hydro Archon would favor them or not; as long as they didn't end up in prison, it would be fine.
"We were just chatting with your sister," Paimon began, "although...I must say, it was quite a confusing conversation..."
Lyney chimed in, "Ah, so that's what happened! It's rare for Lynette to speak so much; she's usually quite reserved. I always end up doing most of the talking."
"Oh, is that so?" Paimon replied, "Well, me and Lumine are just the same, then. It always feels like I'm the one doing most of the talking."
Lumine rolled her eyes at Paimon, not impressed. "With you here, there's no need for me to say much. You cover it all."
"Oh, so that's how it is!" Paimon's eyes widened in shock. She couldn't believe that Lumine's reticence was because she talked too much.
Lynette glanced at Lyney beside her, empathizing with Lumine's predicament. "I feel the same way sometimes about my brother. He sure loves to talk."
"Ah, huh...you're right, Paimon," Lyney laughed. "It seems we have more in common than I thought."
"Ah ha..." Paimon laughed awkwardly.
Lyney and Paimon exchanged sheepish grins, unsure how to respond to Lynette and Lumine's words.
To break the awkward silence, Paimon decided to change the topic, hoping to divert Lumine's attention.
"What did Lynette mean by that though? 'The sea is swallowing our memories, and then us...' Does anyone know what she was talking about?"
Paimon was genuinely puzzled; the statement sounded cryptic, and it was hard for her to grasp its meaning.
"Oh, that," said Lyney, stroking his chin thoughtfully, trying to figure out how to explain it clearly. "That's an old 'prophecy' from Fontaine, you see." He hesitated before adding, "Well, I suppose it's not entirely accurate to call it a prophecy, since prophecies tend to be seen as mysterious and uncertain. But in the case of Fontaine, it's more a description of events currently unfolding..."
At this, Lumine's drowsiness vanished instantly, the familiar sense of impending trouble stirring within her. "What events are unfolding?"
"Where to begin?" Lyney mused aloud. "It's hard to say exactly when it started, but for as long as anyone can remember, there's been this prophecy circulating in Fontaine..."
"That all people from Fontaine are born with sin that cannot be absolved."
One day, the waters of Fontaine will rise and the sinful people will all be dissolved into the waters."
"Only the Hydro Archon will remain, weeping on her throne- only then... will the sins of the people be washed away."
Paimon sighed, "What an utterly despairing prophecy... Why is it said that Fontaine is born with 'sin'? What does that even mean?"
As Lyney recited this prophecy, doubt after doubt sprang up in Lumine's and Paimon's minds.
Lyney responded, "There are many theories among the people. Some say that Fontaine's ancestors once stole the sea's power, angering the great deeps..."
"Others claim that the early descendants of Hydro ignored the advice of their archon, offending the deities of celestia..."
"However, everything in Fontaine is judged on evidence. Since none can provide proof, these remain mere speculations."
"If even the citizens of Fontaine don't know what crime they've committed, wouldn't it be easier to just ignore the prophecy?" Paimon asked, hands on her hips. "They don't have to live with guilt over something they didn't do." The small girl found Fontaine's prophecy rather peculiar.
At this, Lyney looked somewhat helpless, his expression carrying a hint of melancholy. "At first, people did try to ignore it, but... over the past few years, the sea level in Fontaine has truly started to rise."
"The sea is devouring our memories..." Lumine murmured.
"Many places have already become 'seabed' forever," Lynette added.
Lyney continued, "Though many still refuse to believe it, thinking it's just a natural phenomenon, my family and I feel that the Fontainians shouldn't ignore this possibility and sit idly by."
"We at least hope that those living by the sea can move away before it's too late, so we've started distributing 'magic pouches' to them."
He pulled out a magic pouch and handed it to Lumine and Paimon, who examined it with curiosity.
"These magic pouches, used as props in magic shows, have an incredibly strong storage capacity," Lyney explained. "They'll definitely come in handy when moving."
"I see," said Paimon. "At least it's a way to prepare for the worst."
Lumine hesitated before speaking. "If the prophecy turns out to be true..."
Lyney sighed. "Perhaps only absolute power can stand against such calamity. Heh... who knows? We're all so small in the face of it."
[Honestly, I did mull over how Fontaine as the realm of the Hydro Archon might face some sea-related calamity.]
[But seriously, though? The rising sea levels every year?!]
[Is Fontaine planning to reenact the Great Flood that wiped out the world?]
CatCatEatsNoMedicine's mind went wild with speculation.
[I wonder what exactly the Hydro Archon's plan is to counteract this prophecy.]
[Surely they couldn't just build an actual Noah's Ark, right?]
"Aiya, well, I suppose each Archon has their own plan in place, aside from our dear Dendro Archon who's all doom and gloom."
"As a Nahida fangirl, I just can't understand how two second-generation Archons like Furina and Nahida can be so different!"
[Gotta bash the Great Sage and his lackeys as usual.]
[Guys, I went and gave the Dendro Hypostasis a beating again just now, but it still won't admit it's the Great Sage.]
[Dendro Hypostasis: Tsk, I already said I'm not the Great Sage!]
[Miss ya, Greater Lord Rukkhadevata.]
[Ah, who even was the Greater Lord Rukkhadevata? Did we ever have someone like that in Teyvat?]
[Oh no, did I accidentally let slip about the real "Genshin Impact"? Is this guy actually from Teyvat?]
Themis observed the live stream's chat mourning Greater Lord Rukkhadevata and the flood of derision directed at the Great Sage, wearing a knowing smile.
After all, she had once been a player herself, sharing identical sentiments toward the Great Sage—chants like "Gun in hand, follow me, save the Dendro Archon, slaughter the Sage-dog!"
She initially thought Furina's execution and tearful demeanor—similar to Nahida's weeping—were just another of Mihoyo's classic PV deceptions. Having been burned by Greater Lord Rukkhadevata's storyline, she now kept silent about retaliating against those who made Furina cry.
But this time, Mihoyo delivered exactly what they promised: a Hydro Archon's execution!
While playing through the story, Themis nearly grabbed a gun to storm Mihoyo's headquarters. Thankfully, she now stood by Furina's side, determined to protect her until she attained true happiness.
Furina stuffed her mouth with cake, cream conspicuously smeared at the corner of her lips. Themis reached out and wiped it away with her finger under Furina's startled rabbit-like gaze, then licked the cream.
"Ah, sweet."
Furina's cheeks burned crimson, her eyes spinning like mosquito coils. Her internal screaming echoed through her mind.