I love Heroes,

The kind of heroes who pour their hearts into protecting what they know is right, who pushes forward even when the world pushes them back. The ones whose smile inspires others to keep going, the ones who can speak their minds even in the presence of a god. The heroes who are always courageous, surrounded by those they love, and the ones who always get the happy ending. The heroes whose legacies are treated like legends… Those Heroes… Those Heroes…

Those Heroes don't exist

I'm a simple Man, someone who enjoys spending his time alone, someone who works everyday with nothing to show for it, someone who gives up before things go wrong, someone who can't meet with the eyes of others.. Someone like me has no right to dream of heroes.

If heroes were to exist they would hate someone like me. I'm selfish, I'm greedy, I'm ignorant, I'm delusional.. I'm indecisive.. I'm awkward… I'm Afraid.

Out of all the things about myself, not a single one makes me worthy of a hero's title.

I want to be envied, I want to eat my fill every night, I want to know everything will be alright, I want the warmth of a family… I want a life to be proud of.. And most of all… I want.. To be a hero.

But those are all desires, desires in which I will never know…

Walking home, I took the longer route. My empty house wasn't comfortable. No one waited for me either. I reached for my phone, pulling up a few of my favorite stories— stories about those heroes I admired.

The route I took wasn't very busy, a stark contrast to the main road. Cars only sped by occasionally and very few people walked along the pavement. But that lack of human activity brought up a deep sense of peace and comfort to me, the air was refreshing and the silence put my mind at ease.

But today.. Today was different.

The sound of screeching tires and a blaring horn snapped me out of my thoughts. My heart pounded as my eyes fell upon a tragic scene, a car had slid out of control and slammed into a lamppost. Smoke billowed from the car's hood masking the area deeply in a dark cloud.

My heart pounded and pounded, this was the first time I had ever seen a situation like this. It was only occasionally when you'd see articles over crashes like this… I remained motionless for a few seconds, my eyes remained locked with the scene. It was then that I caught a glimpse of the driver who was slumped against his steering wheel.

Someone needed to save him.

I looked around, like me a few others were watching the scene— There faces twisted in terror as they remained motionless. Some of the bystanders pulled their phones out in order to dial the emergency services, but we were on a backroad and just around rush hour... One thought pushed itself into my usually racing mind.

"They won't make it in time"

Before I knew it, I was running, my legs had begun moving with minds of their own. I read stories where things like this happened.. Each being a Heroes Story.. Though the situation was horrible I could feel it on my face, the wind hitting my now exposed teeth.. I was smiling.

People shouted at me as I approached the car, yelling at me to wait for the emergency services, but there wasn't enough time for that.

I had to save this person, maybe then I could be something more of a Hero..

The pungent smell of burning rubber stung my nostrils as I tugged at the door handle, I pulled and pulled but it refused to open.

Damn it, the door was locked.

"Help! Someone please help me get her out of here!" I shouted, my voice trembling from the intense situation.

A few bystanders came closer but were reluctant to get as close as I was. They urged me to wait for emergency services but I couldn't just sit by and let this person potentially die even when I could've saved them.

My eyes frantically searched for something of use before spotting something. Almost as quickly as I got over here I scurried over to an object which was laying near by, having returned to the car I lifted the object above my head before smashing the window.

"Hang on! I'm going to get you out of here!"

I shouted whilst reaching into the vehicle, cutting myself on shards of glass as I did. Quickly I unlocked the car before ripping the door open.

Looking into the car I could tell the woman was injured, but not in a critical state, blood trickled down her forehead and her clothes were somewhat drenched in sweat, but otherwise she was fine.. She was breathing and that's all that mattered.

I pulled the woman out, dragging her along to best I could.

Relief washed over me for a moment.. I had saved someone.. I made a difference.. I accomplished something…

My mind began clearing and my body began to relax.

Maybe with this.. I too could be a hero..

Suddenly a deafening explosion shook the air.. I should have known this was going to happen.. the smoke made it obvious.. The engine had caught fire resulting in an explosion.

The heat was intense, and panic coursed through me.

But I couldn't fail here, I dragged the woman away, my arms strained under the pressure of her weight.

I was never the type to go out of my way to workout, so this was a rather difficult task for me.

Nearby a woman screamed out to me, but I couldn't hear her over the ringing in my ears. I needed to get the man to safety.. I was nearly there.. Just a little longer… and I could-

But not all things go as planned in the world, not everyone is cut out to be a hero.

I knew that was the case, I knew I was just someone meant to observe them..

The world around me began to turn, the sky was now green. How was that possible?

In an instants I received my answer, the green sky was grass, and my face was currently planted in it.

This moment of mine had quickly turned into an embarrassing tale as I tripped over a curb.

Hitting the ground a deep pain surged through me, I reached over to grasp at my wounded body but my hands were met with a warm liquid that seeped through my clothes.

Was I bleeding?

I quickly checked myself with my hands but didn't feel anything strange. Slowly I sat up before remembering the woman I had dragged to safely. 

It was then that I had found the source of the warm liquid. Much to my surprise it didn't belong to me, and to my horror it wasn't even a puddle.. It was blood.. Blood belonging to my first Victim.

The woman's head had been dropped to the pavement, only to be crushed under the weight of my body…

In an instant, the man I had saved..

Became someone I murdered.

Scrambling to my feet, I touched the man. She was extremely cold to the touch and was losing the color to her skin.

My eyes began to tear up as I stared in horror. The screams of people nearby began to fade in as the ringing stopped.

"You killed her! Why didn't you wait! Why did you try to be a hero?"

Numerous insults were hurled my way, but I couldn't do anything but listen. Their words cut deeper than the glass, but my actions hit me harder. My eyes met with the faces of the mass, their eyes filled with anger, their fist clenched as they kept themselves from hitting me.

This wasn't my fault.. I didn't do it on purpose… I thought to myself, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth.. Deep down I knew they were right..

My legs gave out and I fell to my knees, my eyes meeting with the hard pavement below as I sat motionless. I couldn't comprehend the situation.. No I didn't want to.. This was my fault.. I wanted to be a hero.. This outcome should have been obvious to me, I already knew I could never be a hero…

Sirens wailed in the distance quickly closing in, but the people's words were still far louder, they cut me, cut me somewhere deep. The fragile soul which had been carried by the stories of heroes quickly crumbled.

Even after several days had passed, I wasn't allowed to forget that nightmarish event. Articles were posted about my heroism turned into murder, thousands of users threw insults out.

They were harsh critics and no one took my side, I Just wanted to help.. I wanted to be a hero..

My eyes fell towards my phone screen before stopping on a message.

"He should just kill himself."

My eyes wouldn't turn away from the message even when I wanted it to. Before I knew it my hands had begun to move on their own, reaching for my own neck, pressing down in an attempt to suffocate

myself.

Gaining control over my hands, I pulled them away. I don't want to do this anymore…

Life continued to get worse, people found my address and death threats were sent every day. Within a month my job had let me go, telling me that a their stores didn't employ murders..

The time I had spent working and earning a wage, were now pushed into solitude.

I spent many nights wishing I was dead, wishing that my life was better, wishing for a family I never had.

And every night, I spent dreaming of that life I wish I had.

Maybe in some other universe I was loved by a family, I was envied by others, maybe I had wealth and legacy to leave behind. Maybe.. I was a hero…

But those worlds.. Aren't mine..

"I'm not a hero.. I'm not a hero.. I'm not a hero.. I'm not Hero!"

I repeated to myself as I slipped into the comfort of my dreams.