Dove.
When I woke up in the morning Raven's body was cold and limp. She was dead.
My only friend in this place was gone forever and I hadn't been awake to comfort her in those moments. I had selfishly been asleep. Despite the horrors she'd lived through her face looked pale and peaceful.
I kissed her brow one last time and rushed out of the room as quickly as my feet could take me. Tears rushing down my face as I looked for the madame.
I found her in the entranceway shaking hands with some soldiers. My face again a blotchy mess. Despite my state the older men lingered a little too long as the madame escorted them outside.
"Raven" I whispered to her breathlessly, "she's dead."
The madame shrugged, "There was only a very slim chance she was going to make it child, we did what we could."
I wanted to lash out, to scream but I was frightened. My life stood on the shoulders of this woman's goodwill.
"I'll call the undertaker." She grumbled, her gnarled hand waving me off, "get to work on those floors" she finished limping away.
Everything around me felt like it was too much, too much sound, too much colour, too much to see, too much to feel and it felt like my chest was caving in on itself. I closed my eyes and took slow shallow sips of air while I tried to control everything I was feeling. One hand against the wall, I slowly limped back to my room, feeling my way in the darkness for the familiar groove of my door. It felt like someone was standing on my chest. The emotional pain became a tangible one.
When I got there I collapsed on my floor and curled into a ball. I didn't keep my promise to take her away from here. She died in this cruel place. She would never rest peacefully.
Why am I so powerless? Why can't I protect anyone? Why can't I even protect myself?
It was midday when the madame came to bang on my door with her cane, I could hear her shout that the floors were filthy. I uncoiled my aching limbs and stood up slowly. I felt so empty but the air came into my lungs normally again.
I left my room and limped my way towards the baths. When I arrived her body was gone and I started crying some more but I picked up the mop and bucket. Filling it up, I started cleaning.
Upstairs was fairly clear today but the main level was worse than usual. There was blood and the remnants of sex all over the main floor. I couldn't help but gag at the sight and smell of it. I kept mopping, picking up the larger items to throw them into a separate waste bucket.
Then it came time to do the basement and fear wrapped around my heart again like it did last night. So instead I made my way upstairs and hoped she wouldn't notice I skipped it tonight. She rarely went downstairs and patrons never did.
I didn't stop in the kitchen, I just emptied the bucket, grabbed a glass of water from the tap in the hot spring and then curled into bed. I had no appetite, all I wanted to do was hold my pillow and cry.
I sent up a silent prayer to anyone listening that they would care for her spirit, that Raven would be reborn into a more beautiful world where she wouldn't have to struggle or meet such a violent end.