I trudged through the rest of the day, my mind still reeling from my conversation with my mom about college. I couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't believe in me, that she thought I was somehow less capable than my sister Audrey.
Audrey, the golden child. The one who had always made our parents proud. The one who had graduated from Harvard with honors and was now on her way to becoming a successful doctor.
I felt like I was living in Audrey's shadow, constantly being compared to her and found wanting. My parents would often say things like, "Audrey would have done it this way," or "Audrey was always so responsible." It was like they thought I was somehow less worthy of love and respect because I wasn't Audrey.
As I walked home from school, I couldn't help but feel a pang of resentment towards Audrey. Why did she have to be so perfect? Why did she have to make it so hard for me to live up to our parents' expectations?
But as I turned the corner onto my street, I saw Audrey's car parked outside our house. My heart sank. What was she doing here?
I walked into the house, dropping my backpack onto the floor. Audrey was sitting in the living room, chatting with my mom. They both turned to me as I entered, and Audrey smiled.
"Hey, kiddo," she said, standing up to hug me. "How was your day?"
I shrugged, feeling a little awkward. "It was fine."
Audrey sat back down, and my mom handed her a cup of coffee. "So, Audrey, how's med school?" my mom asked.
Audrey launched into a detailed explanation of her classes and rotations, and I zoned out, feeling like I was stuck in some kind of nightmare. Why did Audrey have to be so perfect? Why did she have to make it so hard for me to live up to our parents' expectations?
As the afternoon wore on, I found myself growing more and more resentful. Why did Audrey get to be the favorite child? Why did she get to have all the attention and praise?
But as I watched Audrey interact with my mom, I saw something that gave me pause. Audrey was listening intently to my mom, asking her questions and showing genuine interest in her life. She was being kind and compassionate, and my mom was eating it up.
For the first time, I saw Audrey not as a rival or a source of competition, but as a person. A person who was kind and caring, and who genuinely wanted to help others.
As the evening drew to a close, Audrey stood up to leave. "Hey, kiddo, can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked, nodding towards the hallway.
I followed her out of the living room, feeling a little curious. What did Audrey want to talk to me about?
As soon as we were out of earshot, Audrey turned to me and said, "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about college. I know you're thinking about applying, and I just wanted to offer my support."
I was taken aback. Audrey was offering to help me? After all the years of feeling like I was in competition with her, Audrey was actually being kind and supportive.
"Thanks, Audrey," I said, feeling a little choked up. "That means a lot to me."
Audrey smiled and hugged me. "I'm always here for you, kiddo. And I know you're going to do great things."
As I watched Audrey drive away, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could be myself, without feeling like I was living in Audrey's shadow.