The weeks had been a whirlwind. Between the late-night motorcycle rides, endless laughter with Jungkook and his friends, and quiet moments spent together, I had begun to feel something I hadn't anticipated: a connection. But I wasn't ready to label it. Not yet. Not when I was living with the knowledge that my time here was so limited.
That night, after another day of sightseeing, we had ended up back at Jungkook's place, the huge villa that seemed to have endless rooms, all decorated with an understated elegance that reflected his personality. I had been there more times than I could count by now, but tonight felt different. There was an undercurrent to the atmosphere, something I couldn't quite put my finger on.
Jungkook had just finished making us a late dinner—something simple, just pasta and wine—but the evening was winding down slowly, and the air was thick with unspoken words. Bam had already curled up on the couch, content from the walk earlier, while Jungkook and I found ourselves sitting on the balcony again, the city lights twinkling below.
"Can I ask you something?" he said suddenly, his voice cutting through the quiet hum of the night.
I turned to face him, a little surprised by the seriousness in his tone. "Of course," I replied, trying to hide the nerves that were beginning to crawl up my spine. Something in the way he spoke made me uneasy, like he was about to ask a question that would change everything.
He hesitated for a moment, his fingers drumming on the railing before he finally met my eyes. "What do you really want, Y/N? From all of this? From me?" His gaze was intense, searching for an answer that I wasn't sure I had.
I blinked, taken aback. His question felt like an unexpected punch to the gut. What did I want? Could I even answer that truthfully?
"I—" I started, but the words caught in my throat. What was I supposed to say? That I was just here for an adventure? That I wanted to live fully before time ran out? Or should I tell him the truth, the raw truth that I had been avoiding, that I was afraid of getting close to anyone knowing that my time was running out?
Jungkook didn't look away. His eyes seemed to read me better than I could have expected, as though he understood that I was holding something back.
"I just…" I started again, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I'm just living, Jungkook. I don't have any grand plans. I'm just trying to enjoy the time I have."
He didn't say anything at first, but there was something in his expression—something soft and vulnerable—that made my heart ache. He reached over, taking my hand in his, his fingers warm against my cold skin. I looked down at our hands, feeling the weight of the moment. He wasn't letting go. He wasn't just asking to know what I wanted; he was asking me to trust him with it.
"I'm glad you're here, Y/N," he said quietly, his voice low and steady. "But I can't help wondering if you're trying to push everyone away, including me."
I stiffened, unsure of how to respond. "I'm not—" But the words died in my throat. Was I pushing him away? Was I keeping him at arm's length because I knew this could never go anywhere? Was I scared of something more?
"You don't have to tell me anything," Jungkook added, his voice softer now, almost like a confession in itself. "I just… I just need to know if I'm wasting my time with you, Y/N. Because I don't think I can keep pretending that this—whatever this is—doesn't mean something to me."
My heart hammered in my chest. His words felt like a weight pressing down on me, but at the same time, it was freeing. I didn't know what to say, how to explain how conflicted I was. How could I explain that I wanted this to mean something too, but that I was too afraid to admit it?
"I don't want to hurt you, Jungkook," I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper. The honesty in my words surprised even me.
"You're not going to hurt me," he replied quickly, squeezing my hand a little tighter. "I just need to know if I can be something more to you. If I'm not just a temporary distraction for you while you're here."
I pulled my hand away from his, standing up to pace around the balcony. My mind was racing. This wasn't just about the time I had left. It was about so much more—about the future, about the unknowns, and about everything I wasn't ready to face.
"I don't know, Jungkook," I said, finally facing him. "I just… I don't know what I'm supposed to feel right now. I don't know how to feel."
He stood up, walking over to me. His presence was overpowering, like the air had thickened around him. He was close now—close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating off his body. His eyes never left mine, and for a moment, I didn't think I could look away either.
"It's okay not to know," he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. "But I need to know if you're willing to figure it out with me. Because I'm not going anywhere, Y/N."
The sincerity in his words hit me harder than I expected. It was almost as if he had just laid his heart bare for me to take, and I had no idea what to do with it.
"I don't want to hurt you," I repeated, the words falling from my lips without thinking. I wasn't sure if I was talking to him or to myself at this point.
"I'll take the risk if you will," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. His hand reached out, and this time, I didn't pull away. He cupped my cheek gently, his thumb tracing the curve of my jaw.
And in that moment, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I had already fallen. Not all the way. But enough to know that this—whatever this was—wasn't something I could ignore anymore.
"I'm not asking for forever," Jungkook murmured, his forehead resting against mine. "I'm just asking for now. For today. For the time we have."
I closed my eyes, letting his words wash over me. There was something about the way he spoke, something in the way he held me, that made me want to trust him. I wanted to let go. I wanted to believe in something—anything—that was bigger than the fear that held me back.
"I don't know if I'm ready to fall in love with you," I whispered, the words barely audible. "But I want to be here with you. Right now. And that's all I can give you."
Jungkook pulled back slightly, his eyes searching mine for any trace of doubt. But all I could see in him was hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, we could make this work.
And for the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to hope too.