Sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 2
Xyrine Jean's POV
ᴀғᴛᴇʀ 3 ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs
"Cuz, are you thinking about him again?"
I tore my gaze away from the ring Spade had given me and looked at Ella. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't," I replied, forcing a bitter smile.
My eyes fell back on the ring. It had been almost three months since he left. Almost three months of silence. Almost three months of waiting.
Spade, I told you I'd wait for a month—but three? I can wait, I really can. Even for a year if I have to. Just… don't keep me hanging.
"Cuz, do you think you can make it through the day?"
I let out a small laugh at Ella's question. "Of course," I said, gathering my things and preparing to leave.
MONTREAL UNIVERSITY
Ella and I were walking down the corridor when I suddenly felt someone grab my bag. Turning around, I found myself face-to-face with a familiar, chinky-eyed guy.
"Morning," Ren greeted with a playful wink.
I gave him a small smile in return. We barely made it a few more steps before another arm slung over my other shoulder.
"Good morning, my sunshine," Ten greeted, his voice light and teasing.
Despite their notorious reputation as flirts, these two had been my pillars of support. They made sure I never felt alone—walking me to class, sharing meals with me, and escorting me home every single day. I didn't even know how to begin repaying them for everything they'd done.
Even so, the weight in my chest never truly faded. I let out a quiet sigh before I even realized it.
"You think about him too much. We're starting to get jealous," Ren quipped without looking at me.
"Spade's just busy working hard. Don't worry—he still thinks about you," Ten said reassuringly.
"Thinks about me? Does he even remember my name?" I joked, but when neither of them responded, the unease in my chest grew heavier.
Soon, Ren and Ten had to part ways as their classes were on a different floor. Ella and I entered our classroom, and just like every day, I felt the stares.
It was either because of my constant company with Ren and Ten or because of the lingering rumor that Spade had already forgotten about me. Either way, I ignored them, lowering my gaze to my desk.
You told me to wait. And I did—because you promised.
But for how long, Spade? How long?
Ella placed a comforting hand on my back. I looked up at her and smiled faintly.
At least I still had friends like them.
After our morning class, as usual, Ten and Ren were waiting for us outside the room. While we walked toward the cafeteria, they joked around with Ella, who had grown comfortable with them, too. Meanwhile, I remained silent, staring at the ground as I walked.
I just wasn't in the mood to joke around today.
I wasn't like this in the first and second months of Spade's absence, but now, in the third, the anxiety was suffocating me.
Was I just being paranoid? Was this fear normal?
Wouldn't anyone feel the same if their boyfriend had disappeared without a word for three whole months?
Or was I just trying to convince myself that this was normal?
As we ate, I noticed people whispering and throwing glances in my direction. I tried to block them out, but their words cut through me anyway.
"Tch. Spade's gone, so now she's replaced him with his two friends. She's such a slut."
"Maybe that's why she rejected his proposal—she didn't want to be tied down."
"She's a flirt. Disgusting."
My ears burned with anger, and I stood up abruptly, ready to confront them. But before I could, a firm grip on my arm stopped me.
It was Ten. He leaned in and whispered, "Let us be your knights in shining armor for now."
With no other choice, I sat back down, watching as he confidently strode toward the three girls who had been gossiping.
"Hi, girls," he greeted with an easy smile, causing them to freeze in surprise. "Tell me—who's the prettiest among the three of you? Whoever wins, I'll date her for a week."
Their eyes widened in disbelief before they immediately turned on each other, arguing over who was the most beautiful. The next thing we knew, they were tugging at each other's hair in a full-blown fight.
I shook my head in disbelief. Fighting over ridiculous offer. I have no words.
Only when the chaos had escalated did Ten smirk and turn back to us.
"Well? Was that good enough, Xyrine?" he asked, raising a brow playfully.
"Pft. That was nothing," Ren scoffed. "Want me to teach you some real tricks?"
"Enough, you two. Women should be loved, not played with," Ella interjected, making us all turn to her.
"Fair point," Ten admitted.
"Yeah, but there aren't many women here who respect themselves enough to demand that love," Ren said lazily.
"There are! A perfect example is Xyrine. That's why it pisses me off that Spade still hasn't come back! Doesn't he realize someone is waiting for him here? He completely ghosted her after proposing! Did he even think about how miserable his girlfriend is, waiting for him every single day?! He made promises, yet he's not even keeping his word! He's—"
"Ella, that's enough." My voice was quiet, my head lowered. I feel embarrassed.
"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—" she stammered, suddenly realizing how harsh her words were.
I forced a small smile. "It's okay. It's not your fault for feeling bad for me."
"I don't pity you, cuz. I'm just mad because it feels like he's forgotten you! If not, then why hasn't he come home? Not a text, not a call—nothing! How could he, when he's been with Monique this whole time? And don't tell me it's just about business ventures! Do you really think that's the only reason they're together?!"
I didn't respond. I didn't have to—Ella had voiced every single thought that had been tormenting me for months.
I turned to Ren and Ten, hoping they'd counter Ella's words, but they looked away instead.
The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. We returned to class, and for the rest of the lesson, I kept my head down, lost in thought.
What was I thinking?
Everything.
My mind raced, searching for answers to Ella's questions, but no matter how hard I tried, I came up empty.
A knock at the door pulled me from my daze.
"Excuse us, professor. May we borrow Miss Guevara and Miss Mendez for a moment?"
I looked up. Just as I had suspected—it was Ten and Ren.
With a sigh, I stood up and followed them out.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"We just wanted to invite you and your cousin to play soccer," Ren said casually.
"Soccer?" Ella asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. Why, got a problem with that, nerd? If you don't want to, just go back to your class."
"What? No way!"
I looked at them suspiciously. "Why did you suddenly think of playing soccer?"
"No reason, just thought you could use a little break," Ren replied, throwing an arm around my shoulders.
"So, Xyrine? Are we playing or not?" Ten asked me with a grin.
I pointed to myself. "Me? G!" I answered, smiling.
We headed to the field to play. As the game went on, more and more people gathered to watch us, though I hardly noticed—I was having too much fun. I kept laughing, mostly at Ella, who struggled to keep up with us. It was probably her first time playing, and to make things worse, she was wearing a skirt. Then again, so was I, but at least mine reached my knees—
"DON'T EVER CHANGE THAT SKIRT."
The words hit me like a slap, wiping the smile off my face in an instant. One of Spade's strict reminders before he left echoed in my mind.
"Spade, if you don't come back soon, I swear I'm switching to short skirts!" I blurted out loud, making myself laugh bitterly.
Damn it. I missed him—so much that it hurt.
I stood frozen in place, lost in my thoughts, until something suddenly hit my head.
"Oops! Sorry, Xyrine! Can you grab the ball?" Ren called out.
With a smile, I ran after the ball, which had rolled all the way to the parking lot near the field. I was mildly annoyed—it had traveled farther than I expected.
As I picked it up and turned back, a sleek black sports car caught my eye, just pulling into the lot.
I stopped. That definitely wasn't a student's car. I had never seen anything like it inside campus before. Still, I shook off my curiosity and jogged back to the field.
Just as I was about to kick the ball back to Ren, an ear-piercing scream erupted from the crowd of students watching us.
Great. Looks like a celebrity just arrived. Whoever owned that fancy car must be famous. Not one to be nosy, I ignored the commotion and refocused on the game.
I raised my foot to kick—And then I heard it.
A name.
A name that sent my heart racing.
"WAAHH! SPADE IS BACK!"
"Shit! Girl, Spade is finally back!"
"Damn, he's freaking hot!"
The ball slipped from my hands.
I couldn't move.
I stood there, frozen, as his name echoed over and over in the air.
Did I hear that right?
The name they screamed—was it really his name?
Slowly, cautiously, I turned toward the parking lot. My breath hitched the moment I spotted a tall figure standing in front of that black sports car.
My heart pounded in my chest.
Was that… Spade?
But why—
I stared at him, taking in every detail.
His once jet-black, straight hair was now dark brown and slightly wavy. The ears that used to be clean and bare now had piercings.
I should've been happy to see him, but instead, an uneasy feeling settled in my chest.
He looked undeniably handsome—even more than before. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to smile.
Why had he changed so much?
"Hey, Xyrine! It's Spade!" Ella called out excitedly, grinning at me. Then, without hesitation, she sprinted toward the growing crowd of girls screaming his name.
"Well, looks like your king has returned," Ten teased, nudging me.
"Damn, Spade. Did he go all the way to New York just to glow up?" Ren added, shaking his head.
"Come on, Xyrine, let's go to him," Ten urged.
"I'll catch up," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
They exchanged glances but didn't push me. Instead, they walked off toward Spade, leaving me standing there.
Why was this happening?
Why did everyone seem so happy while I couldn't even smile?
Why did it feel like something was… off?
No. Stop. What was I thinking?
It was just his appearance that had changed—not who he was. Right?
I inhaled deeply and forced a small smile. I took a step forward—And then I saw him move. Spade walked to the other side of the car and opened the door.
My breath caught as a girl stepped out.
At first, I didn't recognize her—her hair was slightly curled now, and the color was different. But then, as she turned just enough for me to see her face clearly, my stomach twisted.
I knew her.
I knew exactly who she was.
And when I looked back at them—when I saw the way they smiled at each other—something inside me cracked.
Without thinking, I turned away.
That was enough.
Just seeing him—even from a distance—was enough for me.
At least he was back. That's what mattered, right?
By the time I reached our classroom, almost all of my classmates were outside, peeking over the veranda in excitement.
"Oh my God, Spade looks so much hotter now!"
"Look at Monique! She's gorgeous too. They're perfect together."
"Wait—are they a couple? What about Xyrine?"
"Yeah, poor Xyrine. He was gone for three months, and he didn't even visit her once."
Their words felt like knives stabbing into my chest.
I quickened my pace, grabbed my bag, and rushed out of the room.
I had barely made it down the corridor when someone grabbed my arm.
"Cuz, where are you going? Are you okay?"
"I-i'm fine," I muttered, forcing a bitter smile. "Why? Do I look pitiful again?"
Without waiting for an answer, I pulled away and walked off—faster, faster—until I was running.
But why was I running?
Why did I care what they thought?
Why should it matter if they pitied me?
I wanted to go home, but I knew I couldn't—not while Spade and Monique were still at the parking lot. So instead, I made my way to the maze.
When I got there, a strong gust of wind and an overwhelming silence greeted me.
I sat down, hugging my knees to my chest.
I was frustrated. Angry. At myself. At everything.
I grabbed Louren's guitar, gripping it tightly.
Louren… I'm sorry.
I only ever come here when I'm hurting.
I only ever turn to you when I don't know what else to do.
I tilted my head back and looked up at the sky, feeling the weight of my unshed tears pressing down on me.
"XYRINE!"
I froze mid-strum.
Gripping Louren's guitar tightly, I slowly turned toward the voice. With every second that passed, my heartbeat pounded harder against my chest. And then—our eyes met.
A smile stretched across his lips.
I remained motionless, staring at him in disbelief. Then, out of nowhere, he dropped to his knees and pulled me into a tight embrace.
"Oh, God. I really miss you like..." he whispered against my ear, his arms wrapped firmly around me.
I didn't know how to react. It was as if my entire world had halted—like even breathing had become impossible.
"Why so quiet? Did you not miss me?" His voice carried a teasing lilt. "I even made you wait three months so you'd miss me like crazy, and yet, here you are with no reaction at all."
What is he saying? Three months. Why it was nothing to him?
I wanted to protest. To tell him how cruel he had been. But instead, a weak, bittersweet smile tugged at my lips.
Is this what love does? Because the moment he held me, all my anger seemed to evaporate into thin air.
"Xyrine, are you mad?"
A lump formed in my throat. I struggled to find my voice. "W-what matters is that you're back," I murmured, my gaze dropping to the floor.
He suddenly pulled away, studying me with a solemn expression. "No matter how many times, no matter how painful, no matter what it takes—I'll accept it."
"What?" I frowned in confused.
"If you can't put your anger into words, then show it to me," he said, eyes shutting tightly, as if bracing himself. "Just... don't stay silent. It's driving me insane."
Did he mean... he wanted me to hurt him?
"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly.
He nodded. "Go ahead, hit me. Let it all out. If that's the only way you'll forgive me, I'll take as many punches as you need."
I slowly stood up, raising my fist. But, I let out a hollow laugh at his words.
Spade, tell me, what's the most foolish thing about our relationship? I thought bitterly. That no matter how many times I get hurt, as long as you don't leave me, I'll endure it?
Instead of striking him, I lowered myself onto my knees before him.
"It doesn't matter if you were gone for a year or who you were with," I said, my voice trembling. "But Spade, please... just don't do it again."
His brows furrowed. "Why do you sound like you're about to cry? And what do you mean—XYRINE!"
He shot to his feet, gripping my shoulders. "Damn it! Why are you kneeling?!"
He tried to pull me up, but I sank back down. "I won't stand until you promise me you'll never do it again!"
Frustration gnawed at me, but what else could I do? I didn't want to be left behind. I couldn't bear the feeling of being abandoned again. It hurt—God, it hurt so much.
I waited for his answer, but all I heard was the sound of his fist slamming against the maze frame before he crushed me against him.
"Please... just stand up," he whispered, his entire body trembling.
I only wanted to hear a promise. Why was it so hard for him to say?
With a deep breath, I finally rose to my feet. "I should go. Class might've already started."
I turned away, but before I could take a step, he pulled me into a back hug.
"I'm sorry."
A bitter smile crept onto my lips.
"It's okay."
I gently pried his arms away and walked off without looking back. A hollow laugh escaped me as I moved farther from him.
Three months of waiting... and all I got was an..
'I'm sorry' and an 'it's okay.'
As soon as I got home, I collapsed onto my bed, willing myself to sleep. But no matter how hard I tried, my mind remained restless, filled with endless thoughts. Midnight crept in, and I was still tossing and turning when suddenly, my phone rang.
My King Spade calling...
For a moment, I hesitated. Should I answer? In the end, I did. I held the phone to my ear but said nothing, waiting for him to speak first. Seconds passed, and still, there was silence. Just as I was about to hang up, his voice broke through the quiet night.
"Xyrine... Tell me... hik Tell me what to do... hik because I don't know hik what's right anymore."
His words were slurred, disjointed, and I barely understood him.
"Spade, are you drunk?"
"It's late... hik Why aren't you asleep yet?"
His voice, thick with alcohol, confirmed what I already suspected.
Wait—how did he know I wasn't asleep yet?
"Spade, where are you?" I asked, but he didn't answer. Instead, I heard a dog barking in the background. At that same moment, a familiar bark echoed from outside my house.
My heart pounded as I rushed out of my room and stepped outside. Looking to my right, I saw nothing. But when I turned to the left, my breath caught in my throat.
There he was, walking away, his phone still pressed against his ear.
"Go to sleep... hik It's late," he murmured.
"How can I sleep when I see you walking away from me?" My voice trembled, and tears welled up in my eyes.
"Don't worry... hik In our next life... hik I won't walk away from you anymore."
A sharp pain bloomed in my chest. My vision blurred.
"Spadeee!!" I finally shout his name out loud.
I didn't wait for him to turn around—I ran. "Spade!" I called again, but he kept walking. Then, just as I reached him, he suddenly stumbled forward, collapsing onto my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry... hik I'm such a worthless hik mess."
I averted my gaze, his words cutting deeper than I expected.
"Spade, why did you drink so much?"
He let out a hollow laugh. "Because of you. You always make things so difficult."
My heart clenched at his words.
"Xyrine, can I sleep over?"
I didn't answer, just guided him inside. When we reached my room, I helped him onto the bed, but before I could step away, he grabbed my arm, pulling me down with him.
I tried to sit up, but he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, trapping me in his embrace.
Lying there, I hesitated before finally speaking. "Spade... why did you stay in America for three months? What were you doing there?"
"Didn't I tell you? I was fixing our problems." He exhaled deeply. "Starting tomorrow, Monique won't bother you anymore. My father's men won't take an interest in you. The admins won't play games with you anymore."
"What did you do?" I asked, but he didn't answer.
"Xyrine, do you believe in forever?"
"Yes," I said, though deep down, I wasn't sure if forever truly existed.
"Then tell me, who can prove that forever is real?"
"Us," I answered.
He fell silent. I gently loosened his arms from around me and lay beside him instead.
"Xyrine, do you want me to sing the song I was supposed to sing to you that night I proposed?"
"O-okay."
I heard him take a deep breath. Still holding me close, he began to sing:
"Please hear me out, my friend, I have something to say that's from within...
It's the last memory, Try to think back I'll help you see, All of those nights we shared, All of those days you were there..."
I hugged him tighter. His voice trembled, and with each shaky note, my chest tightened.
"I just wanna love you forevermore, And I wanna hold you just like before. And maybe someday, we might just find a way, And we can love forevermore..."
You will, right? You'll love me forevermore... right?
"If I could turn back time, I would have never let you go, And you would still be mine. But here I am, crying all alone..."
You're not leaving me... are you?
"All of those nights we shared, All of those days you were there..."
I rubbed my eyes. It was getting harder to hold back the tears.
"Oh, I'm lost without you, Oh, tell me, what should I do? Now that you're gone, I can't go on alone, I'm a lonely man, I need you again..."
Even if forever is just a moment, Spade, I'd take it. Just stay a little longer.
Spade's POV
"Spade... do you want me to sing for you instead?" she asked.
"What will you sing?"
"Forevermore."
I smiled at her.
Forevermore.
If forever were real, would we still be suffering like this?
We lay there, holding onto each other as she began to sing.
"There are times, when I just want to look at your face with the stars in the night."
I turned to her, watching her sing with her eyes closed, lost in the moment.
"There are times when I just want to feel your embrace, In the cold of the night, I just can't believe that you are mine now."
I clenched my jaw. My mind drifted to the days ahead, to what was coming. I pulled her closer, holding her like it was the last time I'd ever get the chance.
"You were just a dream that I once knew, I never thought I would be right for you, I just can't compare you with anything in this world. You're all I need to be with forevermore."
"Xyrine," I whispered.
"Y-yes.."
"Will it hurt you if I leave?"
Just say yes. Just say the word, and I'll drop everything. I'll fight for you, even now, even when everything is set in motion. Just say it... please.
"No."
I shut my eyes tightly. This was the answer I wanted, wasn't it? Then why did it hurt so much?
"Will you cry if I leave you?"
"No."
I smiled faintly. At least I knew now—she was strong. Stronger than me.
"Will you look for me if I disappear?"
"No."
It's clear now.
This is for the best.
I will follow them.