(Chapter 51)
Clarisse sat in deep thought, haunted by regret. If only time could be rewound, perhaps she could have given a different answer to Lorcan Frostborne, the Duke of the North.
Every time she recalled that moment, her heart trembled. Lorcan loved her—something she once thought impossible had now become an undeniable reality. Yet, a persistent question gnawed at her mind: Do I love him too? Or is this merely a fleeting passion masked as love?
Clarisse sighed in frustration. Her emotions felt hazy, beyond the grasp of reason.
"Do I love you?"
The question echoed in her mind. She longed to answer with certainty, "Yes, I love you." But reality was never that simple.
It was late at night. Clarisse waited anxiously in her room for Lorcan, fearing that his heartbreak might drive him away from her. But he still hadn't come. Growing impatient, she got up, changed into more comfortable clothes, and opened her bedroom door.
A sharp scent of alcohol hit her nose.
Lorcan stood at the doorway, clearly drunk. Clarisse let out a deep breath. Of course, he chose to drink.
"Clarisse," Lorcan murmured, his voice hoarse. "I love you."
The words made her freeze. Her heart pounded at his sincere confession, even if it came from a drunken man. Lorcan stepped forward, closing the door behind him, his gaze locked onto hers.
"This feels just like the first time we were together," he said softly. "I always miss you, especially when dealing with the chaos in the North."
Despite her concern for his condition, Clarisse guided him to sit on the edge of the bed. When drunk, Lorcan was more honest, revealing emotions he usually hid behind his cold exterior.
"At first, I thought I was just obsessed with you," he continued. "But it's more than that."
Clarisse remained silent, listening. Lorcan leaned closer, pressing a gentle kiss on her cheek, then her lips. But before things could escalate, his drunken state took over, and he fell asleep against her shoulder.
Clarisse blinked, stunned by what had just happened.
"Did we really begin like this?"
The next morning, Lorcan woke up with a pounding headache. Flashes of last night's confession flooded his mind, and embarrassment washed over him. He groaned, trying to push away the guilt that clung to him.
After freshening up, he made his way downstairs to the sitting room, where Kaelion Arvasyn, the crown prince, and Caelira Duskthorn, the daughter of the Duke of the South, were already present.
Kaelion greeted him with a bright grin. "Lorcan! Were you so busy that you decided to sleep in?"
Lorcan gave a curt nod and took a seat beside Clarisse, who watched him with a concerned expression. Kaelion, noticing the interaction, whistled teasingly.
"You two make such a lovely couple," he teased.
Lorcan only offered a faint smile. The conversation soon shifted to more serious matters, particularly the future of the North. Kaelion expressed his intent to support the region, and Lorcan nodded in acknowledgment.
"My father has decided," Kaelion declared. "My coronation as emperor will take place next year."
As the two men discussed politics, Clarisse observed Caelira, who kept stealing glances at Kaelion. In her heart, Clarisse felt they were well-matched, though Kaelion seemed oblivious to Caelira's feelings. She made a mental note to subtly remind him later.
"Once I become emperor, there will be no more barbarian threats. If any remnants remain, they won't be a danger anymore," Kaelion said confidently.
"I wouldn't be so sure," Lorcan replied calmly.
Kaelion arched a brow. "Are you planning to hunt them down yourself?"
Lorcan smirked. "Maybe. You never know—they could rise again and cause new problems."
Kaelion laughed. "Let's hope not. But I'll make sure you have support when you return to the North."
Clarisse listened attentively until the conversation veered toward relationships. Kaelion, ever the tease, prodded Lorcan about his marriage. However, Lorcan shot him a sharp look, silently warning him to drop the topic. Kaelion chuckled but obliged.
"By the way, when will you two return to the North?" Kaelion asked.
Lorcan glanced at Clarisse, waiting for her answer.
"Perhaps in two days," she said suddenly.
Kaelion smiled knowingly. "It seems you've fully accepted your marriage."
Clarisse met his gaze with unwavering resolve. "I accepted it from the beginning, didn't I?"
Kaelion's expression held a hint of skepticism. "Did you really?"
As Kaelion and Clarisse continued their conversation, Lorcan felt surprisingly at ease. In the past, he might have been jealous of their interaction, but now, he had matured. He was Clarisse's husband, and Kaelion had someone else. There was no need for foolish jealousy.
The Faeloria estate was abuzz with activity. Their departure for the North, which had been postponed multiple times, was suddenly halted by shocking news—Clarisse was pregnant.
Lorcan, who had just returned from the imperial palace after an overnight stay due to Kaelion's insistence on a celebration, felt as though the world had stopped the moment he heard the news. Initially reluctant to stay the night, he had given in due to their friendship. But this news—this was beyond anything he had expected.
Overcome with joy, he immediately sought out Clarisse. Without hesitation, he embraced her tightly, uncaring of the many eyes watching, momentarily forgetting the world around them.
But their happiness was briefly interrupted when Eleanor Faeloria, Clarisse's mother, approached him. "There's something I'd like to discuss with you," she said gently but firmly—a request no son-in-law could refuse.
In their private conversation, Eleanor expressed her desire for Clarisse to remain in the Faeloria estate during her pregnancy and until their child was two years old. Lorcan, though reluctant, nodded in agreement. He promised to visit frequently once his duties in the North allowed.
"I'll come as often as I can," he vowed.
Clarisse, a mischievous smile on her lips, quipped, "I hope you can restrain yourself."
Lorcan let out a resigned sigh, fully aware that the temptation to stay by her side would be his greatest challenge. But he was determined to be patient, refusing to let mere desire cloud his responsibilities.
During their time apart, Lorcan often used a crystal orb to communicate with Clarisse. When he couldn't visit, he found solace in simply seeing her face and watching her belly grow with each passing day. Yet, despite the passage of time, unease continued to linger in his heart. He had never imagined that the love he harbored for Clarisse would bring them this far.
Lorcan often pondered—did Clarisse now love him as he loved her? As he clutched his chest, he could still feel the remnants of the heartbreak he once endured, a pain he never wished to experience again.
Then, the day of childbirth arrived.
Lorcan paced anxiously outside the room. Their friends, including Kaelion and fellow Academy comrades, gathered to offer support. Even Selviana Larethiel appeared deeply concerned.
"I never thought you'd be this worried," Kaelion mused with a chuckle.
Selviana shot him a serious look.
Before she could respond, a newborn's cry pierced the silence.
Lorcan immediately stood, rushing past the gathered crowd toward Clarisse. Jonathan Faeloria, Clarisse's father, watched in awe, witnessing the sheer depth of Lorcan's concern for his daughter.