The last thing I remember from my normal, relatively safe, and non-magical life was delivering a pizza to some guy who looked way too rich to be ordering cheap takeout.
And then, like every responsible adult in modern society, I did what any hardworking man would do after a long day: I sat down on my busted-up scooter, pulled out my phone, and started playing a game instead of dealing with my responsibilities.
Mistake #1.
Mistake #2 was not immediately closing the flashy mobile ad that popped up mid-game, boasting a "FREE LEGENDARY REWARD!" in bright, seizure-inducing colors.
Normally, I would have ignored it. But I was tired. My brain was running at 5% battery, and my reflexes were dulled from a long night of dodging drunk pedestrians and psychotic drivers. So when my thumb slipped and tapped the glowing "CLAIM YOUR DESTINY!" button, I didn't even think twice.
Mistake #3 was not throwing my phone into the nearest storm drain the moment the screen started glowing like a goddamn holy artifact.
Because that was when everything went straight to hell.
One moment, I was sitting on my scooter. The next, I was no longer in New York.
Instead, I was falling.
Straight through the air.
At high speed.
I didn't even have time to scream before I hit the ground with a glorious, bone-rattling crash. Face first.
10/10 landing. Perfect form. Maximum style. Would definitely do again.
Pain exploded through my entire body as I groaned, pushing myself up. My limbs felt like I'd just lost a wrestling match to a speeding truck.
Where the hell was I?
Gone were the honking taxis, the flashing billboards, and the smell of questionable street food. Instead, I was kneeling in the middle of a gigantic stone courtyard, surrounded by people in medieval robes and armor.
A whole-ass fantasy army was gathered before me, standing in formation as if they were waiting for something—or someone.
And that's when I noticed the giant glowing magic circle beneath me.
…Oh.
Oh, shit.
"My lord, you have arrived!"
A loud, dramatic voice boomed through the courtyard, making my headache even worse.
I blinked up to see an old man in golden robes striding towards me. His beard was so long and pristine that I was 95% sure it was sentient. Behind him, an entire army of knights and wizards watched with anticipation.
I glanced around, hoping—praying—that they were talking to someone else.
Nope.
Everyone was looking at me.
The old man knelt before me, his expression somewhere between awe and desperation.
"Oh, Chosen Hero, summoned by the Grand Prophecy! The Kingdom of Eldoria welcomes you!"
Oh.
Oh no.
I had seen enough anime and read enough bad fantasy novels to know exactly what was happening here.
I wasn't in New York anymore.
I had just been isekai'd.
And worst of all?
I WAS THE GODDAMN CHOSEN ONE.
Before I could process my life-altering existential crisis, the bearded wizard dude grabbed my hands in his ancient, wrinkled ones and looked up at me with actual tears in his eyes.
"Oh, great hero, our world is on the brink of ruin! The Demon King's army marches upon our lands! Our kingdom is helpless against their might! But now—now, our savior has come!"
I stared at him.
Then at the glowing sword being dramatically held aloft by a knight nearby.
Then back at the thousands of armed warriors, all looking at me like I was their personal messiah.
Then back at my own outfit.
Polo shirt. Grease-stained jeans. Sneakers that had seen better days.
A goddamn pizza delivery bag still slung over my shoulder.
I exhaled slowly. Think, Elliot. THINK.
Option A: Accept the role of "Chosen Hero," play along, and try not to die.
Option B: Tell them the truth and run for my goddamn life.
Yeah. B. Definitely B.
"Look, guys," I said, raising my hands like a cop was about to arrest me. "I think there's been a mistake. I'm not a hero. I don't even own a sword. The only battles I've ever fought were against New York traffic and bad customer service. So if you could just, y'know, send me back home, that'd be great—"
The bearded man gripped my shoulders. Hard.
"Ah, such humility!" he gasped. "To deny your own greatness! Truly, you are a hero of legend!"
"…I'm sorry, what?"
"You need not be modest, great one! The prophecy foretold your coming, and you have answered our call!"
"The hell I did! I clicked on a sketchy ad! This is kidnapping!"
But the wizard just threw his arms in the air. "BEHOLD! THE HERO HAS SPOKEN!"
The entire crowd cheered.
I was so, so screwed.
Okay. No big deal. I just had to convince them that I wasn't their guy.
"Listen, uh… Grand Wizard… sir."
"Archmage Valdris, Lord of the Arcane!"
"Right. Cool. Listen, Mr. Valdris, is there any way to send me back home?"
He stroked his ridiculous beard of wisdom. "Hmm. You are the first hero to ask such a thing."
"Really?"
"Yes. Most heroes embrace their destiny without hesitation!"
"Yeah, well, I'd like to embrace my bed instead, thanks."
The wizard sighed. "I am afraid… there is no way back."
My stomach dropped. "Excuse me?"
"Once a hero is summoned, the path is sealed! The only way forward is to fulfill your destiny!"
I deadpanned. "So you're telling me I got scammed by a mobile ad AND I can't even get a refund?"
"Refund?" Valdris blinked. "Is that a sacred term from your world?"
Oh, for f—
I was going to die here.