"Oops, I'm not supposed to whistle at night."
I laugh and don't think much of my foul deed.
Foul…Deed?
I have a habit of whistling, so much so that I think I annoy those around me.
Actually I do annoy those around me…
…Is that why I'm so unapproachable?
Ah hell with it, If my love for music annoys you then so be it!
Foul deed…
…I call myself an atheist, yet I chain myself to such superstitions.
Shame, pure shame.
I've put my hat on my bed plenty of times and I'm still uninjured.
Same goes for this whistling stuff. I'll be fine.
Just fine.
I'll drift off into my slumber now. Nothing can hurt me when I sleep, and I can't dream! There's no way anything can harm me!
Nothing. Nothing at all.
And yet…
…Why do I see…
…Such a pretty lady…
…She is such a pretty lady. Pure skin, luscious lips, silky and smooth black hair, and a glowing red heart piercing gaze. Her body is light and slim though she warms me more than any number of blankets. All her natural beauty is illuminated by the moonlight. Such a person laying on top of me inside my own sheets and blankets. It seems as though I am actually a theist, what a blessing!
The gentle but warm touch of her hands suddenly grows cold as she contorts into the likeness of a cryptid. The red glow in the iris's turn completely black, the darkness surrounding even the whites of her eyes. Her pure skin turns pale, rough, and scarred, with bumps akin to that of measles and smallpox blooming out of her face. Her once lively lips turn dry and scarred and her mouth grows razor sharp teeth and a snake's tongue, her hair becoming frizzled and dead. Her body has become completely chilled and her razor sharp fingernails dig deep into my hips.
"I WILL CHEW YOUR BALLS OFF!"
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!"
NEVERMIND SHE IS A PRETTY DISGUSTING LADY!
"I AM THE CROTCHESS, CATCHER OF THE CROTCH, AND I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED TO DO WHAT I MUST!"
After a hand to hand struggle I kick her out of my bed and onto the floor, yet she stands back up like nothing happened…
"I HAVE DONE NO SUCH THING!"
…She is advancing towards me as I think…
"THOSE WHO WHISTLE AT NIGHT CALL UPON ME TO DO THY WISH RIGHT! THOU MUST LET THE FLOWER BLOOM LEST YE CALL UPON YOUR DOOM!"
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YA BITCH!"
…As she pounces I grab books from the shelf above my head and begin to launch them in her general direction.
"HELP! HELP ME! THERE'S A CRAZY LADY ATTACKING ME!"
I throw the books as hard as I can at her face, yet she tanks everything I throw at her…
"YOUR WISH SHALL BEGIN TO BE FULFILLED VERY SOON!"
…Finally I remember the old hunting knife on my desk that one of my relatives gifted to me! Finally! My family's generosity has come to save me!
I unsheath the knife and go for the kill!
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"
I thrust repeatedly, though the dullness of the blade doesn't help, I persist…
…After the Seventh or so thrust I managed to pierce the blade into her chest…
"WOE IS ME, BESTED IN COMBAT! WHOEVER SLAYS ME SHALL HAVE THE CROTCHESS CATCH THE CROTCH OF WHOM THOU MUST!"
The Crotchess crumbles and fades into thin air.
"I'm tired."
I sheath the knife and with it in my arms…
…I continue my slumber.
The next morning comes and like the geese up high in the sky, the day flies right on by.
I am in bed once again, ready to sleep.
As I lay on my side I let go an exhale…
…And I whistle…
…Shit…
…If my dream is anything to go off of…
…I might have an idea of what happens next…
…I feel a warm sensation on my body…
…Oh no…
"I AM THE CROTCHESS, CATCHER OF THE CROTCH, AND I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED TO DO WHAT I MUST!"
"LET ME SLEEP GOD DAMN IT!"
…She has been summoned…
"WOE IS ME, BESTED IN COMBAT! WHOEVER SLAYS ME SHALL HAVE THE CROTCHESS CATCH THE CROTCH OF WHOM THOU MUST!"
…I have summoned…
*Whistles*