"Seriously? Did you really have to use most of your massive power just to collect a single soul?" A muffled, but audible voice spoke out in his mind.
'Massive?' He felt his consciousness return as he heard the utter of a familiar word.
"This is a Low-tier universe my dear, the next time you try this stunt again Taper down your power level. The cosmic bubble concealing this reality almost started to Fade." The muffled voice continued, sounding increasingly annoyed at whatever it was arguing with.
'Low..? Taper...?? Fade?!' Almost immediately, his eyes snapped open and he was jolted awake, just to see two figures Infront of him.
One of them resembled the body of a woman, with it's arms crossed on her chest. It looked like a Holy Being, as it was bathed in warm light.
The other figure resembled that of a man, but in stark contrast to the holy figure, it's body was pitch black, he felt as if he was staring at the void when he looked at the figure.
"Say that again." He suddenly said, the attention of both figures snapped towards him as they stared at him in silence.
The silence continued on for a few moments as both parties just stared at each other. But it didn't last long as the woman shaped(?) figure started talking.
"You can understand us? That's surprising." She started walking towards him as his followed her with a blank stare.
"Hm.. your soul is really vibrant. Stronger than anything I've seen, it almost reminds of him. That Hawk too, ah what has it's name again." The woman repeatedly snapped her fingers trying to remember the name of the Red-Tailed Hawk of Utah.
Her words once again activated his neurons as he stared at the woman with eyes full of... Strange intent.
"Say that again." He repeated what he said earlier.
"That again?" The woman obviously confused looked at the soul as if it was the weirdest thing she had ever seen.
While the Man-shaped figure sitting behind them stood up and stared at the soul as if he knew the soul was about to say something crazy.
"Low taper fade? Hawk Tuah? Chat is this real? Somebody actually saying that is crazy work." The soul started cackling to himself as if he just stumbled across the funniest shit of his life.
[A/N: To make things easier I'll just call the black man, the man in black, and for the woman the woman in white. Don't criticize my naming sense, I know it's terrible.]
The man in black trembled as he realized just what he had brought upon this realm.
"Dear..." His voice trembled, as if he was in fear. "This soul... It's got Brainrot." He dropped a bomb bigger than what was dropped on Nagasaki as the woman looked at him.
"Brainrot? Ah.. That one condition you were talking about before that infected Earthlings." She looked at the soul that was still laughing to himself as it rolled over the sterile white ground, the scene quite comical in her eyes.
"What's so wrong about it? Sure, he seems to have a few loose screws but he still looks more.... Normal than the ones we've worked with before." The woman said as she looked at the Man in Black.
"You don't understand, this one has Level 100 Brainrot, just the way he died is a testament on how bad his condition is." The Man in Black said, his voice still had traces of fear present.
The soul stopped laughing as his nonexistent ears caught the words of the Man in Black.
"I died..?" He sat back up as he decided to finally lock in.
"Explain, how did I die? And what am I doing here?" His transformation from batshit crazy to normal visibly stunned the Man in Black as the Woman in White silently watched.
"Well, uh.. How do I say this without it sounding as pathetic as Kazuma's death..." The Man in Black cleared his throat.
"You died.. because you scrolled too much in Instagram. You forgot to eat, sleep, drink water. You took Doom Scrolling quite literally." The Man in Black said.
The silence was loud, as the soul just stared at the Man in Black while he also stared at the soul.
It was only broken a few minutes later by the almost howling laugh of the Woman in White as she as well as the soul finally processed what the Man in Black had just said.
"Sybau!!" He pointed at the Woman in White as he yelled, a tick mark visible on his forehead.
"Hahh..." The soul sighed as he looked at the Man in Black again.
"What was the last reel I saw before I died?" He asked, his voice unsettlingly serious.
"Heh, you died pulling a Mythical Reel, your feed was built, brick by brick, with racist memes. The N-word, hard R or not was heard atleast a thousand times a day. But in all that trash, you pulled.." The Man in Black rubbed his nose as if he was proud about something.
"You pulled.. A MiSide reel, a reel that was almost extinct. Stand Proud, Doom Scroller, you gained a new brick." The Soul stood up as both men looked at each other with emotions that can only be explained by men.
"Dap me up, Monkey." The Soul formed a hand as he raised his hand.
The Man in Black followed suit as their hands collided, releasing a sound so, heavenly, and so powerful that Planet Namek probably exploded.
The Woman in White watched exasperated at the ridiculous display from both men.
"Just get it over with Dear, spare the tomfoolery for later." The Woman in White sighed as she disappeared in a show of lights.
The Man in Black snapped out of it as he released the hand of his new homie. He cleared his throat again and conjured 3 cards.
"Since you're so based, I'm guessing you already know what's gonna happen next." The soul nodded at the Man in Black's words.
"Reincarnation huh.. never thought it would happen to me but here I am." The Soul said, as nostalgia filled his being. The times when he was obsessed with the Isekai Genre returned to him.
"That's right, you're gonna have a new body, a new start, and a new reality." The Man in Black raised one of the cards.
A phone materialized from the card, it's model was unfamiliar for the soul but it looked really futuristic.
"The universe is yours to weave," The Man in Black said, a slight smile on his face as he handed the phone to him.
The soul opened the phone with no password, the first thing he took note of is the wallpaper. It was a picture of Cappie, his wife.
He nodded at the Man in Black, satisfied with the wallpaper. There were 5 apps on the phone. An app that looked like Messenger, a play store. And....
"No way..." The soul's eyes went wide as he saw the three apps.
YouTube, TikTok, and... Instagram.
The Unholy Trinity of Brainrot, this combination will rot the brain of any who dares to touch these three apps.
He immediately opened Instagram as he logged on to his account and clicked the reels option.
The very first reel was..
"Human vs Humanoid, who's the faster rapper?" The video echoed out of his phones speaker.
[A/N: I shit you not, I based this off my real feed on Instagram. As I was writing this I opened Instagram reels and this reel was the FIRST REEL I CAME ACROSS.]
The man in black turned the phone off before it could get bad and just handed the soul the other card.
"This is a template card, use it when you arrive in the new world. Depending on what character suits you best, the character could be broken or weak as hell." The Soul snapped out of his almost Doom Scroll stupor and just held the card and phone on his left hand.
"Now for the final gift." The Man in Black raised the card high in the sky as a bright large beam of light shot out of the card, the phenomenon ensued for a few moments before it stopped and the card finally started slowly disintegrating.
What formed from the ashes of the card was..
A Frieza Plushie.
The Man in Black handed the plushie to the soul.
The soul reached out for the plushie as tears slowly slid down his cheeks.
"This shit is so peak..." He sobbed as he squeezed the plushie as both him and the plushie started disappearing.
"See you, Bruzza." The Man in Black looked at him as if he was his long lost brother.
Due to the hard squeezing of the soul the Plushie finally came to alive.
"M-monkey, M-monkey.. monkey.. NIG-"
———[Chapter End]———
A/N: This is the most peak, brainrotted, and racist first chapter I've done for a fanfic. This is a literal masterpiece, second to none.
The world he's gonna be sent to is Jujutsu Kaisen, the timeline is just a week before Yuji consumes Sukuna's first finger. And also this verse will also crossover with.. the peak that is Dandadan, look forward to it.
His template will be a surprise, based people will enjoy the surprise.
Anyway see y'all on the second chapter. Whenever that releases...