Throughout my journey, life lessons have been deeply ingrained in my experiences. Such is life. As I've aged, I've witnessed countless stories come into existence and others come to an end. While my knowledge is not unlimited, it is vast. I would even say that I have seen more stories unfold than kings and queens of nations. I have witnessed kingdoms rise and fall, seen my children grow old and die, and experienced life as both a husband and a widower. I have traveled across the world, observing both advanced and primitive civilizations, as well as selfless and selfish individuals. I have cried more times than I can count and laughed more than many people have breathed. Yet, despite all this, I have never contemplated ending my existence.
I have been known by many names, both saint and scourge, both healer and reaper of lives. Despite these labels, my mentality has never wavered. Perhaps it is because I am simply unique, or perhaps because I view life as a gift. I have taken many lives, and that is one of the few lessons I have learned. Of course, it could be the simple fact that I know I could not die even if I wanted to. In my youth, I wished for this exact situation, yearned for immortality. With age, I learned that it is neither a blessing nor a curse; it simply is.
I remember a time when I was adventurous, when I thought of kings and royalty. In time, I discovered that many of them were no more than pompous individuals made of flesh, just like myself. Not all, of course, but the majority. They delude themselves into thinking they are above the people they despise, fully aware that they once were among them. As their kingdoms grow, so do their responsibilities, causing them to leave their children to grow up alone. Without a guiding hand, children tend to grow in the wrong direction. They become needy and yearn for warmth, attempting to fill the void that has been created. They seek to fill it with material possessions—gold, women, art. Their search becomes endless. Even with guidance, their ingrained habits lead them to repeat the cycle, often resulting in even worse outcomes for their children.
This is just one possible path. I have seen kings who prioritize family above all else, but when they focus less on their kingdoms, their subjects become less loyal. It is a paradox that cannot be escaped. With loyalty comes admiration, but where one grows, the other often declines. One flourishes in light while the other dwells in darkness. With admiration comes envy, and with envy comes betrayal. Our existences are forever caught in this paradox: on one side is a controlling hand, and on the other is an escape that leads to further corruption. You can either join the facade of freedom, knowing you are under someone else's control, or you can escape and risk becoming like the very controller you sought to avoid.
Choosing to be the controller may seem easy, as anyone would prefer to be in control. However, such a choice comes with the burden of always needing to watch your back, never letting your guard down. You miss the chance to seek genuine friendships and enjoy the simple pleasures of being among the controlled. There is no right answer, and that is simply life. Both paths lead to pain and suffering, to worry and anxiety. Yet, this is what we seek as conscious beings: happiness and excitement.
Without adversity, pain, and suffering, we would never truly appreciate happiness. This is the essence of a true paradox. In seeking one thing, you will invariably face adversity and despair. However, if you continue to search and persevere, you will eventually find what you seek. Not many make it that far; some succumb to despair, never even catching a glimpse of their goals. They drown out their sadness through external influences, hastening their pain while pursuing their ambitions, deceiving themselves that it is for the best. They know deep down it is merely an escape.
For those of us who, like me, have managed to stay the course and not fall victim to despair, we simply exist. We grow and continue along the all-encompassing path of life, which only ends with death. I have no release, no conclusion; just the path I am on. I learn lessons by carving my own way, making mistakes, fixing them, and then sharing my knowledge. I believe that the purpose of my existence is to impart that knowledge to others.