1
ARTHUR
Another glorious morning for the time being at least. Like every other, accompanying Athena - my best friend - is the routine. She's literally my ash grey world, that'll have an emotional rollercoaster to worsen or better the day.
Having a room across from her make's my routine way more easy. I usually pick her up for breakfast and I mean literally giving her a piggyback ride to the dinning hall. Well that's if I'm not spending the night in her room. Which apparently is weird since most servants have something to say about it. Though as the mature person I am I chose to ignore what they had to say about our relationship.
I entered her room without knocking, now I see why the servants keep talking. The scent of vanilla welcomes me but not the owner of it. The bed seems half made, strange. She's usually still in bed by this hour. Maybe she's taking a bath.
I enter the bathroom and it's empty. There are a couple of rose petals on the floor and in the tub. That means that she had her bath already. Where could she have gone?
The confusion is hurting so I look for her daily planner. I know it's strange that a princess would have her day planned by herself. Well, she loves to be independent. Her daily planner is usually on the bedside table but it's not here. Since I can't find it I ramble through the drawers of the bedside table. Alas I found it…..no wait it's not her daily planner it's her poetry book. I've seen her write in it before but I've never really paid much attention to it. And no I'm not a bad best friend, it's just that she doesn't let me read it. So now's my chance to read through it.
The first poem is about her cat - imaginary - there are a couple more about flowers and tiaras but the one that catches my eye has to be the most recent one.
"Save me!" The only words I can't seem to say
"Don't leave me!" What my heart screams daily
Living like a cookie slowly crumbling apart
Surviving every single day with a broken heart
Battered, broken and numb
Living everyday feeling dumb
Cause I'm crying believing I'll be fine
Lying to myself knowing pretty well it's my time
I'm trying to keep my calm
But all I wanna do is scream and cry the pain away
It's hurting really bad, I'm breaking every single day
I just wish someone could understand me but no matter how I try it's to no avail
I'm done trying to make them understand my pain cause all they do is judge me
So I'll smile cause no one cares about my feelings
And when I disappear no one should come looking for me
Cause they should know that they lost me way before that
Reading the poem causes my eyes to sting with tears. I know Athena means everything she writes, every poem, every song has a meaning. She never writes what she feels so I know the meaning of this poem is beyond sad. I hope she knows she means the world to me and I would let it burn if that makes her happy.
Now I definitely have to find her. Though it's a rare case that anyone would know where she could be because her room is in the west wing and people barely come here. But the servants must have seen her. I head to the kitchen to look for Athena's personal maid, Miranda.
Miranda has been Athena's personal maid since she was born. She's become like family to Athena and I. She's the most caring person I've met apart from myself of course. Like if caring was a person it would be her.
I spot Miranda in the kitchen making tea. I approach her from behind hoping for an element of surprise but as usual she knows it's me.
"Yes Arthur," she says without sparing me a glance. She's great at this.
"Good morning my darling Miranda," she vividly cringes at my words. She's not good with sweet words that's why I use it on her.
"Arthur, what do you need?" She asks.
"Well I wanted to ask if you happen to know where Athena is?"
"Oh . . . the princess is in the petal orchard," it's fascinating how she can call a full grown woman 'little princess'. I grin at her response, peck her cheek and turn to leave but she calls me. "Arthur."
"Yes dear?" I respond knowing fully well why she's called me.
"Where are your manners?" She asks, irritated by my lack of manners.
"Oh sorry. Thank you love," I respond and leave before she can say anything else.
I head straight for the petal orchard remembering the poem. The feeling of a million emotions coursing through me seizes the moment I see her. Her silver blonde hair being blown by the wind, eyes closed and I bet there are a million thoughts running through her head and emotions buried deep within her soul.
"Athena!" I call out to her.
****************************************************
ATHENA
I think I was born to be unfortunate because everyday feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from. Today marks ten years since I lost my guiding light—my mother. Life without her has been terrible but not entirely because I have Arthur. At least he tries to be there for me but he's a duke so he can't always be there when I need him. So basically no one's really there when I need them.
The emotions coursing through my veins need a release. My version of a release is different from most people's—mine is poetry. I grab my poetry book from the second drawer of the bed side table and start writing.
The feeling of the pen between my fingers and the sound it makes against the paper is so confiding. Telling the pages what's in my heart is better than telling people who'll never understand. Then the memory of her words hit me 'I'll always understand you darling' but now she's gone.
Soon after all the memories that played in my head caused my throat to dry and tears to sting in my eyes. Tears start streaming down my cheeks like a waterfall. I try wiping them away but it just keeps flowing. Now I feel so pathetic for balling my eyes out this early in the morning.
Even though I wish I could spend the whole day in bed I have to visit my mother or at least what's left of her. Hesitantly getting off the bed I head to the bathroom. Most times the servants prepare my baths but today I'll have to do it myself since I'm up early.
The feeling of warm water against my skin gives me a sense of peace. It takes a strong resistance not to drown myself right now and it's not that I don't want to, it's just that Arthur still needs me. Plus I promised my mother that I wouldn't give up no matter what.
I get out of the bath before the temptation becomes too strong that I give in to my demons demands. Everybody's demons have demands like to cause destruction or torture, my demons on the other hand demand death if not mine then somebody else's. Yes I know my demons demands are scary but I'm not scared of what they desire. What I'm scared of though is what will happen if I don't succumb to their demands.
Even as their voices echo louder and louder by the second. Pushing them to the back of my mind, to proceed to getting ready. I dry my hair and brush it then wear the pink flower hair pin mom got me for my birthday.
Once I'm done getting ready I head to the royal graveyard. The walk to the graveyard is quiet, there are barely any servants on this side of the palace. Most servants believe it's haunted. That's probably because the sky is always grey here. I pass the tombstones of the great kings of the past, the ones who believed that power was greater than love. All the former queens were buried out back. I always wondered why so I asked my mother and she said that's because women aren't important enough to be paid tribute to.
Finally after a long walk I reached my mother's grave. Her tombstone has her name engraved on it. Queen Amelia of Cavendale. The tombstone has a flower pattern around the edge. She was addicted to flowers but roses were her ultimate favourite. She'd spend her time in the petal orchard tending to the flowers or dancing around the doves.
"Mom, did you really have to leave?" I ask knowing fully well she can't hear me. "Life has been different ever since you left. Arthur moved in and has been taking care of me since. Everyone looks at me with pity because I'm the unfortunate princess whose father doesn't care about her existence. Some think I was adopted but they end that conclusion the moment they see how similar our eyes are."
I talk to my mom a little bit more then go to the petal orchard to clear my head. The orchard is the only place in this palace that feels like home, the rest of it feels like a stranger's house. I stand near the roses, their scent faint but still noticeable. I find comfort in the roses since it's the only memory of her that still lives for the world to see. The breeze hits my face and causes strands of hair to cover my face. I try to remove the strands of hair from my face then realise my cheeks are damp and tears are streaming down my cheeks. I don't waste my time wiping them away because it's not worth it. I'm human. I deserve to have feelings, cry if necessary. For sure it is necessary. I close my eyes and let sadness wash over me.
"Athena!" I hear someone call out to me. Oh no there's only one person who calls me by my name. Arthur.
I quickly wipe my cheeks and look his way. "Morning Arthur," I try to sound sweet but instead my voice cracks and sounds sad.
He steps closer and wraps his arms around me. Giving me that big brother hug that promises comfort and safety. It's a feeling I get from nobody else but him. The sadness washes over me again tenfold that I cry in his arms. He moves his hand in a circular motion on my back that soothes me down a little.
"What's with the hug?"
"I just guessed you needed one."
"Oh . . . okay," I sniffled.
"I didn't see you in your room this morning so I asked Miranda and she said you're here so I came," he pauses then takes a deep breath. "You know you can talk to me about anything, anything at all. I'll never judge you or push you away. It's okay not to be okay," his words make me cry more.
"Arthur."
"Hmm."
"I'm hungry."
"Seriously," he chuckles. "So you're sobbing because you're hungry?" The use of the nickname makes me smile. He used to call me when we were little or every other time he wanted to tease me.
"No but I mean it. I haven't had breakfast yet, have you?"
"Not yet. Since I had to look for the one and only young princess Thena."
"I'm not young and stop calling me Thena," I pout playfully.
"Yeah sure. So breakfast?" I nod then he lets go of me only to carry bridal style all the way to the dinning hall. Arthur's muscular so I trust he won't drop me. Being carried by him is nothing new but the bridal style is definitely new.
When we reach the dining hall he sets me down on a chair and starts serving me. He serves me pancakes glazed with honey and topped with berries. He sits down and serves himself and we dine in silence. Arthur has a thing for eating quietly. I know it's etiquette but a little conversation won't hurt. He gets that character from his mother Dutchess Wembley though I call her aunt Caroline, she's a quiet person and believes that eating in silence is a form of respect to the meal to the person who prepared it.
Once we're done having breakfast Arthur escorts me to my room. We chat a little before he heads out for a meeting. That's the problem with being a duke, the unnecessarily necessary meetings they have to attend. Once again I'm all alone. I feel like a princess trapped in an ivory tower waiting for her prince charming. Though unlike most princesses who are trapped, I know there's no such thing as a prince charming.
A sudden knock on the door takes me out of my train of thought. Servants barely come here so I'm guessing it's probably afternoon tea. I did have breakfast late after all.
"Yes, come in."
"Good afternoon, your highness."
"Good afternoon Miranda, how are you doing?"
"I'm doing exceptionally well, how about you?"
"I'm fine," I lie. "To what do I owe this visit because it certainly doesn't look like afternoon tea?"
"His majesty has arrived and requested to see you."
"Okay. Thank you," she nods and leaves. What could he possibly want from me?