Maybe I should stop drinking, I think as I step out of the elevator. I'm carrying a box with clothes and some food. My brother has been staying with my parents this week.
As soon as I enter the living room, I find my father and brother arguing.
— What's going on with you two? — I ask.
— Your brother is incompetent! He has strong legs, he's young, but he manages to be more useless than I am!
— Don't talk like that, Dad. He's trying. — I defend my brother, placing the box with clothes and some hygiene items on a small table.
— Hm. — He scoffs and then looks away. Sora puts his hands in his pockets. — Go on, tell your brother the truth.
— Hyung... Do you remember when I used to bet? — Suddenly, I feel my stomach churn. It's been more than a week since I last saw them. Only now do I notice his left eye is dark, along with some bruises near his neck.
He owed someone money.
— How much? — He looks at me, afraid to answer. — I asked how much!
— 20 thousand.
I go down the hospital's alternative stairs, dragging Sora, who's being grabbed by the ears, to the parking lot. There, I punch him and grab his shirt.
— I didn't know things would get this bad.
— How did you not know? It's been 6 months that we've been stuck between a rock and a hard place! But you have to be another problem! You should help!
— I help. I helped.
— You didn't help! With a 20 thousand debt? Mom's surgery needs to happen, I need to pay for Dad's physical therapy. How does 20 thousand less help? What lie are you going to tell our younger siblings?
— You don't need to pay.
— If I don't pay, there'll be one less person! We already have a debt with the loan shark! You don't need to increase it. My salary isn't enough. Do you realize that?
— Just sell the orchard.
— You want to explain that to our parents? You think I haven't already talked to them? They don't want to sell!
Sora kicked the ground.
— Just sell the orchard!
And he walked off.
— Where are you going?
He didn't answer me. Sora didn't seem well. He's always been a better son than I am. When the storm came, he was there. He's always been closer to our parents. I only showed up at home sometimes on weekends. Maybe he's angry at me.
I wish things would go back to how they were, sooner rather than later. We all think that way. That's why we haven't given up on anything until now. But, the truth is, we're all just waiting for one of the four of us to give up first.
Out of so many problems, one of my escapes is observing my coworker. I've always had a huge crush on him. It's a feeling that fluctuates a lot. Yoma is like an ideal. I'm obsessed with him. His gummy smile, his fair skin... I've caught myself imagining for hours what our life would be like together. Min Yoma is only a year older than me, 29.
— Are you tired? Did you sleep well last night? — The delivery guy always shows concern for Yoma's well-being.
I moisten my lips, trying to avoid looking at Taemin's hands as they gently slide down to his boyfriend's cheeks. He's smiling too. I have to admit, Taemin is also handsome, with an even more beautiful smile. He's the one who makes Yoma smile.
— I want that too... — I whisper, turning my gaze away. I feel my body heat up. I'd say it's pure envy, because it's impossible to feel jealous of something that's not even mine. Yoma's hands only reach my body because we're friends and nothing more. I turn my eyes back to the couple. The delivery guy had already walked around and was sitting next to Yoma, both close, smiling at each other.
I stand up and head to the bathroom. Lucas has probably left me a message. When I told him about the tattooed guy, he got excited, saying it was like something out of a fanfic, and I should try to meet him again since he treated me well.
Lucas: [Does he have a piercing on his eyebrow?]
I've never seen Lucas so excited about any of my "flings."
Dad: [The woman said your mom is fine, not at risk, but still needs surgery.]
My dad's last message brings me some relief. Maybe I can delay it a little longer.
— One more! — I say.
— Don't exaggerate, Salin-ah. Take it easy. — Taeho said. The three of us, Yoma, I, and Taemin, usually hang out after work.
Taemin is bold enough to flirt with me sometimes. If I'm not careful, he pinches my cheeks and gives me a kiss on the forehead, claiming I'm too cute.
That's exactly why Mochi is my nickname. That annoying guy is my childhood friend.
— Leave him, Taemin.
Sometimes, I just need to smile and make a cute face.
— Jealous, Yoma? I know I'm irresistible to you, Hyungs. — I run my hand gently over my chin and lean back.
They laugh. It's nice to have their attention like this. I wouldn't say I'm attention-starved, but I hate being ignored.
Time flies when I'm with them. I asked for a ride home, but it's not always a good idea to go with both of them.
— Can you stop? Drop me off first, then do your thing. Single lives matter! — I complain as I see Taemin suddenly shudder while driving. Yoma was putting his hand where it shouldn't.
— Sorry, Salin-ah, Yoma's not usually like this.
— I know! — I snap, opening the car door. — See you later, Yoma-hyung, Taemin-hyung.
— See you, Sali-nie.
As I head up the condominium stairs, I try to ignore the fact that their car is still parked in the same spot.
I needed to go out again. Watching Yoma and Taemin was starting to get unbearable, which is why I went out by myself yesterday, when I usually go with Lucas or JP, but JP and I are fighting.